Not all neighbors are meant to be friends.
Mainly because a lot of neighbors can be unfriendly.
Warring with a neighbor can be very stressful.
Unless somebody moves, people are trapped.
Is there a solution to wars with a neighbor?
Redditor RecentFlatworm1557 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA, asked the neighbor to move their ‘little farm stand’ because people are stealing from MY garden?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Before anyone says ‘just build a fence,’ WE CAN’T AFFORD IT RIGHT NOW.”
“And no, no H[ome] O[wner] A[ssociation].”
“My neighbor set up one of those pantries/farm stands where people can take items that they grew in their garden, pantry stuff, donated stuff, etc.”
“In theory, it’s a great idea and especially in a time when life in America sucks a** and people are struggling to make ends meet (my family included).”
“The problem: people started coming into MY yard to pick things in MY garden.”
“I’ve put up signs saying not to do it.”
“I installed a rabbit fence around the garden.”
“I’ve angled a tarp so you can’t see what’s there from the road.”
“People just hold their kids over the fence to pick tomatoes and beans, or jump over it.”
“I ended up getting into an argument with a lady over it.”
“I yelled HEY, STOP. THOSE ARE NOT FOR YOU TO TAKE!”
“She told her kid to move faster and then tried to run away.”
“I caught up to her and asked her what the f**k her problem was, and she turned it into how dare I swear in front of her child.”
“Why am I so angry?”
“Am I really that upset about a couple of tomatoes?”
“I said I am upset that you are STEALING from me.”
“The next day, I approached my neighbor. I asked if I could maybe help move it to the other side of their driveway so it’s next to the other neighbor’s house.”
“They don’t have a garden out front.”
“They said at least not until the end of the season.”
“I asked if they could make larger signs, talk to people, just do SOMETHING!”
“They were like, ‘can you really not afford to share?’”
“I said that they aren’t taking my zucchini because they’re starving, they’re taking my tomatoes because they WANT them.”
“They said that I’m going to have to learn to live with it for now, and we can talk about a solution together that will benefit the whole community after.”
“I said I do not care about a solution that benefits the whole community.”
“I care about a solution that stops people from STEALING FROM ME!”
“So last night it happened again, a man in his 50s.”
“I sprayed his a** with the hose.”
“He started yelling at me, and after a minute or so, the neighbor came out yelling at me too.”
“People have posted on the neighborhood board to be careful if they come by because I’m an a**hole.”
‘The neighbor says I’m scaring people away from a community resource.”
“I told him that I’m going to continue until he does something about the f**king thieves who feel entitled to MY GARDEN.”
“I feel like I’m losing my f**king mind here.”
“This is food for my family.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for asking them to move it? Am I the a**hole for being PISSED OFF that people are f**king STEALING from me?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Can you replace your stolen items from the farm stand?”
“Each time someone takes from your garden, you take from the garden stand.” ~ General_Middle7334
“Take everything from the farm stand and give it to a local food pantry.”
“No one will stop for an empty stand.”
“Not stealing if it’s on offer.”
“And post your own reply on the neighborhood board.” ~ middle-name-is-sassy
“NTA. They are literally volunteering your garden as the community veggie resource.”
“That’s why it’s next to your garden.”
“It is incredibly inappropriate.” ~ HyperKangaroo
“That’s my thought, too.”
“They don’t want to move it and aren’t even entertaining ideas until ‘after.'”
“And even then, it’s about the community and not OP.”
“I’d have a surveyor out and, if the stand’s even a little on OP’s property, move or tear it down myself.” ~ Beebeemp
“That’s why the expectation is that you come up with a solution that’s best for the community.”
“They’ve already decided the answer, and you’re expected to be ok with it.”
“Honestly, I would just run my mower over the garden at this point.”
“Why should I put in all that work and look forward to the veggies being ready for dinner that night, only to find out that someone else took them?”
“F**k that.” ~ JeepPilot
“They are already calling you an AH.”
“By the way, you are NTA.”
“Call the city/county/town council, whoever, to see if they have permission for the stand or if it violates ordinances.”
“If so, have it shut down.”
“If not, maybe a sloppy compost heap/manure pile along the fence to make mowing your yard a difficult or at least smelly task.” ~ ProfessorExcellence
“Take all the food off the stand first thing after it is put out and donate it to a food kitchen.”
“If the stand is empty, people will be less likely to stop and notice your garden.”
“The neighbor may also decide it is a good idea to move the stand away from you.” ~ UleeBunny
“You know, I also have a food pantry stand on my property as well as a ‘mini lending library.'”
“It would never occur to me to leave my stand open if I knew my neighbors were being robbed or otherwise inconvenienced.”
“Your neighbor is at fault, and if he doesn’t move his stand, I suggest you do so or call the police the next time people steal from your property.” ~ Traditional-Ad-1605
“OP needs to pull out their phone and record people as they steal and ask them… ‘Why are you stealing my tomatoes?'”
“‘Why are you stealing my zucchini?'”
“‘This is not part of the food stand, and the signs say not to trespass.'”
“Then file a complaint with the sheriff or police.”
“I recommend that they use the word steal and the word trespass so that the thieves can’t claim that they didn’t know it was stealing and trespassing.” ~ BlazingSunflowerland
“NTA. Side eye to your neighbor who is basically encouraging eloping to steal from you.”
“And even MORE side-eye to the woman acting outraged that you dared to curse in front of her child while she was USING HER CHILD TO STEAL!”
“You might try a camera and posting photos to a Wall of Shame.”
“People seeing face and license plate pics might deter some.” ~ MarionberryPlus8474
“Hose your neighbor, too. NTA.” ~ Specific-Morning-985
“Call the cops and have people arrested for trespass, that’s your best bet probably.”
“Call the non-emergency line and tell them people routinely steal from your garden.”
“They can probably spare a trooper at least some of the time.”
“Repeat the call every couple of weeks if they don’t help right away.” ~ Key-Thing1813
“NTA. But I do recommend that as soon as you can afford it, build a fence.”
“I know you said you can’t now, but that is the best step you can make to keep people out of your garden.”
“In the meantime, be as aggressive as you need to be with the hose.”
“And if anyone trashes you in a neighborhood chat, fire back that you didn’t sign up for making your garden part of this community garden thing.”
“Add that perhaps when your garden produces more than you need, you’d be happy to share, but right now, thieves are preventing you from even getting the produce you need yourself.” ~ imnvs_runvs
“NTA. Your neighbor’s whole attitude shows they feel you should be sharing your garden with the community, regardless of how you feel.”
“That is wrong.”
“No one is entitled to your hard work.”
“They are impacting your property and don’t care.”
“I would report them to the police and the town that they are causing a nuisance, trespassing, and theft.”
“I’d put up chicken wire and ridiculously large signs calling out the theft.”
“Also, spray your neighbor with the hose.” ~ garnetflame
“NTA. They’re trespassing and stealing from you.”
“You could press charges since there are already signs and fencing set up that they’re blatantly ignoring.”
“Just because the McDonald’s on one side of the lot is giving away fries on Friday, doesn’t mean I can just steal fries from the Burger King 60 feet away lol.”
“Yes, my fat a** really just made that comparison.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. Go over every morning and take everything from the stand.”
“She how she likes that.”
“Ohhhhhh and every mom that’s there is getting called every name in the book in front of her kid.” ~ Silly_Tangerine1914
OP came back with an update…
“First off, thanks for the responses.”
“I got some good ones.”
“I’m happy that so many of you live in places where the cops would do anything about this, but this isn’t the reality I’m living in.”
“Cops here would not give a s**t if I sent them a video of someone picking from my garden.”
“They would laugh in my face.”
“Be thankful if you live in a place where the police are useful.”
“It looks like signs are the best option for now.”
“Going to make signs indicating heavy use of pesticides and repeating that they are stealing food from the mouths of hungry children. “
“I don’t know why the signs we already have up aren’t enough.”
“Maybe more will help.”
“I’m sure they won’t.”
“Will also scour Craigslist for free fencing or similar items.”
“Hopefully that pans out.”
Reddit understands your frustration, OP.
This is outrageous behavior.
It’s sad that your neighbor refuses to help, especially since they put you in this position.
Hopefully, more signs and fencing will help.
Until then… keep that hose handy and spray away.