We’ve all heard of those weddings where the bride gets carried away with her wedding planning and wants everything to be “just so.”
But it’s still hard to imagine someone being so focused on their aesthetic that they reject any use of accommodations, like eyeglasses or a wheelchair, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
That was the situation Redditor AnimatorClean3559 found herself in, however, when the bride expected her to not where her eyeglasses at her wedding, because her difference in appearance would draw attention away from the bride.
When some people agreed that it was her friend’s wedding day, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have been more flexible with her accommodations.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ruining my friend’s wedding photos by wearing glasses?”
The OP wore glasses to a friend’s wedding.
“I (30 Female) was a bridesmaid at my best friend’s, ‘Stella’s,’ wedding a few days ago.”
“I am very nearsighted, so I wore glasses to the wedding.”
The OP explained in a comment that she had to if she wanted to see anything.
“I have prescription contact lenses for my vision that I wear on occasion, but my friend had picked out colored contact lenses (not prescription ones) to match her eye color for the wedding.”
“So I wore the matching colored (non-prescription) contact lenses with my glasses for the wedding instead of my prescription contacts.”
“Stella didn’t tell us that she was planning for us to wear colored lenses until after the lenses arrived (she ordered them online) so at that point, I think it was kind of too late to ask for different ones.”
“Also if I wanted prescription colored lenses, I’d probably have to schedule a doctor’s appointment, which would be pretty expensive for me.”
In addition to the contact lens, the bride planned whole outfits for the bridesmaids.
“All the bridesmaids were dressed up to look like her (contact lenses to match her eye color and a wig to match her hair) to represent Stella on her wedding day.”
“Everyone would look the same so no one would stand out, except for the bride who would stand out by wearing a white wedding dress (that would stand in contrast to the dark purple bridesmaid dresses all the bridesmaids wore).”
The bride called the OP out for wearing her glasses when she arrived.
“Once I arrived at the venue, Stella approached me and asked me why I wasn’t wearing my bridesmaid outfit.”
“Confused, I asked what she meant.”
“She told me that glasses weren’t part of the bridesmaid outfit and told me to take them off.”
“I told her I needed them to see, but Stella just said that it was her wedding and accused me of trying to draw attention to myself by being the only one wearing glasses, especially in the wedding photos.”
The OP felt conflicted about her accommodation at the wedding.
“Now some of my other friends who attended the wedding have been asking why things are so tense between Stella and me.”
“Some agree that it was ridiculous for Stella to ask me to not wear glasses when I need them to see.”
“Others have said that I should have been willing to compromise since it was Stella’s wedding, and Stella really wanted good wedding photos.
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were shocked, and a little creeped out, by the bride’s required outfits.
“Did everyone see the part where the bride bought the bridesmaids color lenses AND wigs that match the bride’s hair color!? I’d be running so fast away from that the moment that info was dropped on me.” – shy2shot
“What’s with all the stories of brides being total d**ks towards bridesmaids? They are supposed to be best friends and are treated like mannequins or wallets or punching bags.” – LesnyDziad
“The original reason for having bridesmaids was to confuse any malevolent spirits who might want to give the bride some grief.”
“Want to mess with the bride? Well, you have to find which one she is, first.”
“(But yes, in a modern context, wanting all of the bridesmaids to look exactly like the bride, down to hair and eye color, is just plain weird.)” – HokeyPokeyGuestList
“Yeah, this bride is unhinged. Colour contact lenses for a wedding look are bizarre.”
“I can see why she had a problem with the glasses. People couldn’t see the aqua, magenta, or whatever color the lenses were.”
“But this is unreasonable, so of course, you are NTA. This friend is a major one, though.” – sailorelf
“I’m getting ‘Stepford Wives’ vibes here. How weird and creepy.” – suzanious
“Why are you best friends with a blatant narcissist? Why didn’t she just hire models for her bridal party if her friends’ looks don’t match up with her skewed vision?” – AMerrickanGirl
Others pointed out that the contacts may have been too expensive or ineffective.
“Colored contact lenses were part of the bridesmaid dress code? That’s f**king weird. Almost weirder than the ‘same hair color’ bridal party stories (which are also f**king insane).”
“NTA but I almost find it hard to believe with the level of audacity. If this is 100% real, of course, you’re not an a**hole.”
“Poor eyesight is so common that I feel people forget it IS an impairment and that glasses are medical devices.”
“And plenty of people cannot wear contacts. They personally cause me a lot of migraines no matter how soft or moisturized the lens is. My astigmatism is so wacky that there really isn’t a good fit commercially available even among specialized brands. They fall right off my eyeballs when I try wearing them.” – I-am-the-trashcan
“I paused in my initial NTA assessment when she said she sometimes wears contacts… until I kept reading and saw this gem of information about only wearing colored lenses and no glasses. That’s next-level bridezilla. I’d have said peace-out to that kind of crazy.”
“(To be clear: Medical devices shouldn’t be up for debate, and you’d have to have some crazy glasses to draw any attention simply because of the glasses regardless.)” – Sad_Appearance4733
“Even if she sometimes wears contacts, she wouldn’t be an a**hole for wearing glasses. Which medical device you prefer to wear on a day-to-day basis is up to you, and there are plenty of reasons to not want to wear contact lenses on a particular day.”
“The bride is a total bridezilla to even have an issue with glasses in the first place. They are very common and necessary to a large portion of the population and screw anyone who says they would ruin photos. There’s enough bulls**t about glasses being ugly in media already.” – dovahkiitten16
“Prescription colored lenses can cost a bit much, they aren’t easily available. And if the bridezilla didn’t say anything about OPs glasses before, then why would she have thought it would be an issue?” – elephants78
“Prescription color contact lenses sound super expensive. And contacts can uncomfortable and hard to deal with if you’re not used to them. Why on Earth would OP spend that money for one wedding? Assuming prescriptions are even available in the exact brand/color the bride wanted.”
“I do find the request for color contacts to be… almost eerie. The bridesmaids don’t have to match THAT much.” – felixkahns
“As someone who has bought prescription contacts before for an event…”
“First, you have to pay for the doctor appointment and get them to agree to give you colored contacts (took me two doctors).”
“Then, you have to get the trial pair for a week and go back for a second check-up to make sure they aren’t destroying your eyes.”
“Then, you have to order the boxes. If you’re like me, that means two separate boxes because my eyes are different levels of terrible.”
“Then, you have to wait for them to arrive because they don’t keep them in stock.”
“Then you have to actually wear the damn things which are uncomfortable and make your eyesight blurry half the time anyway.”
“It was worth it for the event I wanted to wear them to. I would literally never do it at someone else’s request ever.” – Prestidigitalization
While the subReddit could understand that every wedding couple might have ideas in their mind about how they want their wedding day to look, there are absolute limitations to that vision.
Any medical device or accommodation should not be up for discussion, whether it’s aesthetically pleasing or not, including wheelchairs, crutches, eyeglasses, and less obviously, invisible disabilities and allergies. While some people might expect the OP to at least take her glasses off during the wedding photos, that shouldn’t be something that she had to do if it made her feel uncomfortable.
Also, ironically, it seems that a bride would be choosing bridesmaids who she would want to spend her happy day with, so it would stand to reason that she would want them to feel comfortable throughout its duration.