Content Warning: Mentions of Eating Disorders
Every new generation of parents will look back on the parents who came before them, and they'll come up with a list of all the things they want to do better.
But some goals prove not to be as realistic as they might have hoped, especially when a goal is hard to implement around family members and friends, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Yes_Abbreviation713's sister had a goal of not giving her four-year-old child any sugar that did not occur naturally, which made it difficult when her child was at a family function or around for a birthday party.
When it was time for the Original Poster (OP)'s birthday party, they did not hold back on eating their birthday cake, even though their nephew could not partake, much to their sister's chagrin.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for eating my own birthday cake in front of my nephew?"
The OP's sister did not want her son to have any processed foods or sugars.
"It was my birthday yesterday. I'm (20s) living at home right now with my parents to save money."
"My sister, Kayla, came over for dinner with her four-year-old son, Leo."
"Quick context: Kayla is EXTREMELY strict about Leo's diet. Like, no processed sugar, no dyes, basically no 'fun' food ever. I think it's a bit much, but I usually just stay out of it."
The OP still wanted to enjoy their birthday cake on their birthday.
"I bought myself a really nice, expensive chocolate cake for my birthday. I didn't ask anyone else to pay for it; I just wanted a specific one from a local bakery. After dinner, I brought it out."
"Kayla immediately got tense. She asked why I couldn't have waited until they left to bring it out."
"I told her it's my birthday dinner and I wanted cake."
"My parents were having fruit, but I sat down and started eating a slice."
The OP's nephew was visibly upset, and their sister blamed them for it.
"Leo obviously saw it and started asking for some."
"Kayla told him no and said it was 'yucky' and 'bad for him.'"
"He started crying because, well, he's four, and it's a giant chocolate cake."
"Kayla lost it. She called me a brat and said I was 'taunting' a child and 'disrespecting her parenting' by eating it in front of him."
The OP's parents sided with the OP's sister.
"She ended up grabbing her stuff and leaving early while Leo was still sobbing."
"Now my mom is saying I shouldn't have done that and should have just waited an hour to eat my own cake to keep the peace."
"I feel like I'm going crazy. It's my house (well, my parents' house, but I live here) and my birthday. Am I actually overreacting by thinking she's being insane?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that they had the right to eat their birthday cake, while their sister had unrealistic expectations for her son.
"NOR. If she wants to raise him that way, she also needs to start teaching him how to politely react when others are doing what he is not allowed."
"What happens when he goes to school, and the kid next to him pulls out a Little Debbie cake? It is actually better for her to teach him appropriate coping mechanisms while around family." - CareyAHHH
"Your sister should've brought him a low-sugar cupcake or dessert. That's on her."
"My daughter has intolerances, and we always bring her something so she doesn't feel left out. She is the brat. Cakes are at birthday parties, that's basic common sense." - baba_brigid
"What's he gonna do at birthday parties of friends? She cannot set rules for their party."
"She gets the invite and emails the parents, 'Leo can go, but you need to get an organic, no-dye cake...' like, what the f**k?"
"He is going to resent his mom. You're not overreacting, and you had every right to eat your cake." - nedrawevot
"NOR. I had a cousin like this, and it was such a pain in the a**."
"Once they loosened up their restrictions, their children went NUTS! Like would eat an entire bag of candy in 10 minutes, nuts."
"They were terrified their parents were going to take the candy away, so they ate as much as they could as fast as they could, whereas the rest of the children who got sweets in moderation ate it as a normal person would."
"Her kids still do this to this day. The oldest is 10, and the youngest is almost eight." - Doggondiggity
"Why would she think it's fine to go to a birthday function and not bring something her kid CAN (or is allowed to) eat. I have food allergies and bring my own stuff all the time so I can be a part of things while staying safe. It's not that hard. NOR." - ging3rtabby
"NOR. Kayla's kid is going to have a full-blown eating disorder before he's out of elementary school."
"I'm an a**hole about sugar with my kids because they become Tasmanian effin devils if they have too much sugar or god forbid red/blue dyes."
"But birthday cake or birthday party complete with kid's candy? Bring it on. It's like once a quarter. Live a little bit."
"I'm not buying those nerd's ropes and ring pops, but if they come home in the goodie bag, then the candy is theirs to hoard and consume."
"My three-year-old thinks raisins or fruit snacks are manna from heaven. Great. The 13-year-old at least still asks before he grabs a Coke from the garage stash. He knows I don't want him subsisting off of sugar and crap while he's growing, but he still has two or three a week. It's fine. Balance is fine."
"The three-year-old stole a few bites of a cupcake I grabbed at Whole Paycheck last week. It's a little sweet treat for me and the husband I get, like, once a month, but I still shared it with her. Every time I go there, it's like $60, and the grocery bag isn't even halfway filled." - TakenTheFifth
"My household had free access to sweets and crisps for my son. He has always eaten them in moderation and craves nice vegetables."
"I, on the other hand, was given if I was sad, ill, or tired, to this day, I emotionally crave them. My sister is the same."
"My experience of children visiting my home and children I worked with was that if they had parents who were controlling and obsessive around food, then the child binged sweets, cakes, chocolate, and biscuits if given access once the parents were out of view."
"Often, the worst-behaved children are those who live under strict behaviour regimes at home. They act up outside the home. Balance is essential when raising children."
"NTA (Not the A**hole) and NOR, but your sister is." - mom0007
But others found fault with both the OP and their sister for not waiting to eat the cake and for not teaching Leo proper coping skills.
"I kind of think you are both in the wrong here."
"She's definitely going to mess up her poor son and give him some kind of eating disorder, and she's going to get a rude awakening when he enters school or goes to a friend's birthday party, but at the same time, did you really have to have cake immediately after dinner?"
"My family usually waits half an hour anyway to digest our dinner before throwing more food down there, and you could have easily just waited until after they left. I'm sure it wasn't particularly late, given the boy's age."
"Especially as you KNEW your sister would have a hissy fit over it, and, more importantly, that your nephew would see and get upset. The only one I feel sorry for in this situation is your nephew." - Strick_Lab_9235
"I think you are focusing on the conflict between you and your sister and ignoring the actual issue, the kid. You knew he wouldn't be allowed it, you also knew he would get upset (if you say you didn't, you are either stupid or a liar)."
"Both you and your sister acted s**tty, her for her dumb as f**k opinions and you for not being willing to consider the impact on a child, which you could have thought about and waited like an hour." - Vectors_Doll
"NOR, but ESH (Everybody Sucks Here), apart from the poor kid."
"Whilst your sister is clearly taking her child's diet restrictions too far, you're an adult, and there was no need to make him suffer through you eating cake you could have eaten later." - ColonelBagshot85
"Your sister is an AH. But you're not much better. You could have waited until the little guy left to enjoy your cake, knowing he would not be able to partake. Seriously?" - NegotiationKnown9666
"She's overreacting, but honestly… I do things to keep the peace when it comes to involving my family. Dr. Phil says, 'Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?' (I don't like the guy, but I think he had a point here.)"
"So if it were me, I would enjoy the cake in peace and solace. Not in front of a deprived innocent child. Not in front of tight butthole parent."
"Cake tastes way better when a kid isn't screaming their head off anyway." - kaylissss
"Ideally, no. On your birthday, do what you want. The older you get, the less of a f**k you'll give about other people's reactions."
"At the same time, I think it was a little s**tty doing it knowing full well that the kid wouldn't be allowed to eat any. If it were just adults at the table, then I'd have no issues. But it was unnecessary to put the child through that." - CaptainOrla
"NOR. Would I have done it? Probably not. Do I think it's wrong? Absolutely not."
"It's your house and your birthday dinner. Whilst it would upset your nephew as he is too young to understand 'bad food,' his mum should not expect everyone around her to follow her diet."
"Also, she should give the kid some cake every now and then, especially when he's around family. I know a lot of people who grew up like this and just ended up with a bad relationship with binge eating food as soon as they had the freedom to do it." - Skywards97
"I think this is an ESH (Everybody Sucks Here) situation where your sister is wrong for policing what you can eat in your own home, but you're also wrong for knowingly upsetting your nephew."
"However, it should signal to her that she's going to have a real problem quite soon when her kid starts school and is invited to birthday parties where he is the only one not allowed to eat cake. Hopefully she realises that." - SnowflakeBaube22
"This isn't AITA ('Am I the A**hole?' subReddit), but everyone sucks here except for the poor child."
"The question isn't whether you were overreacting because you think your sister's restrictions are ridiculous, it's that your behavior was cruelly taunting a small child with eating you knew he wouldn't be allowed to eat in front of him. So YOR." - LurkerByNatureGT
"Yes, it was OP's birthday. Yes, OP was allowed to eat their cake. But knowing that this child, who can't decide for himself, has to look at OP eating something he would love to eat also... feels kind of like a bad cartoon villain. Why punish the nephew for his mom being strict?"
"In my world, I would not eat something in front of kids who are not allowed to taste it. If I put something on the table, my kid is allowed to taste it. Otherwise, it will have to wait until he is not around."
"And when my family, friends, etc., who have kids who are not allowed/allergic to eat something specific, I do not shove it in their face just to be like, 'No, this is for me, not you. I can have it, but you are not allowed. Na nana naaaa na!'"
"Broke my heart a little." - StonerSloth93
The subReddit all agreed that it was the OP's birthday, and that the OP should be able to have the cake they wanted on their birthday. They also agreed that most of the responsibility should have fallen to the nephew's mom, who needed to better prepare her son for these situations.
That said, the OP could have had fruit with their parents for the time being and had a slice of cake after their sister and nephew left. Just because there seemed to be some unresolved feelings between them and their sister didn't mean that they needed to tease their nephew.
