Getting along with your in-laws can have an impact on the entire family.
Most people try their hardest to make things work.
But what happens when resentment and annoyance builds up over time?
A woman dealing with a conflict with her in-laws turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor SceneEfficient3229 asked:
“AITA for not apologizing for making my mother-in-law (MIL) cry?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’d say I have an OK relationship with my MIL. She certainly isn’t like those MILs you read about but she is fairly annoying to be around, and she doesn’t like kids (I have 4) so when we go to visit it is much more for father-in-law (FIL) than her.”
“My husband has asked me to overlook how annoying she is because it is important to him to stay close with his dad, and for the most part I do. One important thing to know is my in laws are rich, FIL grew up with it and MIL married into it.”
“I feel snobby talking like that and to be clear I’m not even rich, but it really shows in how MIL interacts with money. She also had a tough childhood and is hypersensitive to people laughing at her.”
“Recently we were out getting ice cream with my in-laws and the kids.”
“We decided to stop at this small beach, which did say residents only and yes we all kind of suck for going anyway, but it wasn’t beach season and it wasn’t too crowded, so we figured it wouldn’t be a big deal and if anyone said anything we could leave.”
“We were in a pretty nice area. My in-laws also live in a ritzy neighborhood and have a nice vacation home, but no ties to where we were.”
“After about an hour a security guard came over and questioned us.”
“I figured we would just go, but MIL started arguing with him.”
“She told him where she lived, trying to prove she has money and should be allowed to stay, I guess. He explained that it doesn’t matter because her taxes don’t pay for the upkeep.”
“MIL started yelling at him about her vacation home and what FIL does for a living. She said she gets rules like that to keep trashy people out, but she comes from a ‘similar town’.”
“My husband was like ‘mom shut up’, and then I said that she was letting her ‘new money’ show.”
“MIL literally burst into tears and FIL gave me the worst look.”
“She didn’t talk at all in the car and wouldn’t say goodbye. FIL called my husband pissed and said he knows she was being inappropriate but what I said was ‘disgusting’ and that he won’t see me again unless I apologize to his wife.”
“My husband tried to defend me but FIL called me a bitch and said I used something painful and private against her. My husband got heated and they hung up.”
“I said I wasn’t going to apologize because it was true.”
“My husband said it was, but for the sake of FIL he wants me to apologize.”
“I am still refusing because it was true, and she was being kind of an a**hole to all of the ‘trashy people’ who can’t afford a fancy zip code.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided everyone sucks here (ESH).
“Majorly ESH. You rubbing old money in her face is exactly as bad as her rubbing her new money in the security guard’s face.”
“It’s exactly the same stuck-up classism.” ~ HoneyFlea
“Exactly. Not sure why OP felt the need to go out of their way to make the situation worse, but there you go.” ~ knittedjedi
“‘I feel snobby talking like that’, ‘yes we all kind of suck for going anyway’.”
“’I said that she was letting her ‘new money’ show’, ‘I said I wasn’t going to apologize because it was true’.”
“Holy HELL does everyone suck here (ESH). Who would want to hang out with any of you??” ~ Brainjacker
“ESH. You even said it yourself at the start of the post.”
“You all went to a resident’s only beach, I’m assuming you guys thought it’d be okay and you’d all fit in enough due to also being well off.”
“AKA, rules didn’t apply to you for having money. That makes all of you the a**holes (TAs).”
“Your MIL may have gone the extra step to behave in an entitled manner when security approached your group, but all of you were entitled at least somewhat to go onto the private beach to begin with.” ~ mightymikek7
“ESH you’re all terrible people except maybe the kids if they manage to avoid taking on all of your prejudices and elitism while they grow up.”
“I mean really: every adult in this? Talk about trashy.” ~ fleurpixie
“Sooooo, your husband was already dealing with the situation, and you decided to jump in with a horrifically classist remark that you knew very well targeted her deepest insecurities based on how she grew up?”
“And you think you’re not an AH? YTA.” ~ KittySnowpants
“There was also absolutely no need for the OP to butt in. She sounds like she was just spoiling for a fight with her MIL.” ~ Dashcamkitty
“Agreed. So many people are just gunning for a fight with someone who irritates them, and then try to use ‘but I was teaching them a lesson!’ as a crappy excuse for it.”
“OP isn’t defending ‘trashy’ people. She’s just using the MIL’s insecurities to take super classist digs at her.”
“Good people don’t say ‘you’re acting like new money’. Just admit that you’re mad that MIL isn’t a kid person and have at it.” ~ KittySnowpants
“ESH. In the words of a TV therapist, ‘Never miss a good opportunity to shut up’.” ~ Direct_Copy5400
“YTA. When you followed the family to settle on that private beach you decided that you as well were above the trashy people who were supposed to be kept out by the notices.”
“And you jumped into a fight that wasn’t yours just to hit low.” ~ Renbarre
“You also married into money so get off the high horse. ESH.” ~ unitedfan98
“ESH. What your MIL was doing was entitled and wrong, but what you said to her was also a total AH thing to say.”
“Like why would you say that to someone? The only reason someone would say that in front of other people would be for it to be an intentional dig.”
“It’s incredibly elitist and snobbish. You should apologize.” ~ design_dork
“ESH. Yes, she was out of line and should have just accepted being in the wrong and left, but your comment was below the belt.”
“Totally unacceptable as was FIL calling you a bitch. Also unacceptable.”
“The only person that doesn’t suck in this story is your husband.” ~ ollyator
While Redditors found the mother-in-law rude and entitled, they noted the OP was delighting in deliberate cruelty.
It’s unclear if the OP will try to mend fences with their in-laws, but Reddit definitely didn’t condone their behavior.