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New Parents Shamed By Nurse For Requesting Vasectomy In Case ‘Something Happens’ To Baby

Photo by Omar Lopez/Unsplash

New parents are already a bundle of nerves.

So it’s nice to give them all the comfort and understanding possible.

So it can be disheartening when medical professionals are a little more aggressive with their thoughts on private matters.

Case in point…

Redditor bedisdenightmare wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for reporting a nurse who implied my baby might die?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“TA and mobile mention.”

“I was pretty sure I did the right thing.”

“But now I’m second guessing myself because my S[ister] I[n] L[aws] and M[other] I[n] L[aw] have sort of played devil’s advocate on the whole thing, so I want an unbiased opinion.”

“My husband and I had our first baby a week ago and she is perfect and most importantly very healthy.”

“Today we took her to our family doctor for her one week check up and he said she looks incredible.”

“Toward the end of the appointment he asked if we had any questions and my husband asked about getting a vasectomy referral.”

“Our doctor double checked with us that we are only planning on having this one baby (we very much are) and then said he’d send the referral off and the nurse would give us some more info.”

“As we were getting ready to leave and booking in for our daughter’s 6 week check up the nurse kept saying things like ‘Oh she’s so beautiful, you’re sure you don’t want to give her a sibling?’ Etc.”

“We laughed the comments off but she kept pushing it and finally very seriously she said to my husband ‘They aren’t guaranteed to be reversible so if something happens to this one you might regret it.'”

“My husband got really upset and just sort of snapped at her that nothing was going to happen and we left.”

“But we were both very shaken by the implication something might happen to our baby.”

“Obviously we know there is the risk always but it felt awful to hear it like that.”

“Also frankly if we did lose our daughter neither of us would be in the mental space to even consider having another child to ‘replace her.'”

“I called the office back and told our doctor what was said as we were leaving and that we were very disappointed in that interaction.”

“He also seemed very upset she said that to us.”

“I thought calling him was the right thing but my one SIL told us we are being irrational because we are new parents.”

“And MIL said we should have just let it go.”

“My other SIL said we should have dealt with it in the moment with the nurse directly.”

“And when we left it was weird we chose to call back just to get her in trouble.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. The nurse was pressuring you and your husband into not getting a vasectomy.”

“This is unprofessional and the fact that the nurse would even imply that ‘something would happen to her’ is so gross.”

“Your new parents of course you’re going to be nervous but what she said crossed a line.”  ~ Lostintheworl

“Things must be more progressive in the OB world these days because when I asked for a tubal ligation after my first child was born, the doctors and medical staff flat out refused because they said I would change my mind.”

“I was 30.”

“I did not change my mind by the way.”  ~ picturesofponies

“WTF!!! I can’t believe it!”

“From what it sounds, it is easier to get your tubes tied in India, than most of the countries.”

“I am not saying it’s best, they allow it only if you have at least 1 child or having some medical complications.”

“But that’s it.”  ~ Ekla_Chalo

“OP, if she was on the clock, she was technically representing the clinic and anything she says could be taken as professional opinion.”

“It was unprofessional of her to give you unsolicited advice about your husband’s decision.”

“And the fact she insinuated you might need a back up child is less than professional, it’s gross.”

“Your gut was correct.”

“If she did this to you, there is a good chance she is doing it to other patients.”

“And the clinic 100% has a right to know what the nurses on their staff are advising their patients.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“Yea you could have confronted the nurse privately, and she could have placated you.”

“Then turn around and do it to another family. NTA.”  ~ Jesoko

OP wanted to add a few things…

“Edit to add as some people get the impression she was speaking as a medical professional – in that moment she wasn’t.”

“She was at the front desk with us, in front of other patients and staff casually talking as we were leaving.”

“And she was only supposed to be giving us the information for the clinic that would be doing the consult not her opinion on it.”

“Not to mention, yes, no one wants to mention it, especially to new parents, but yes something unforseen could happen to the baby.”

“Or they could get pregnant again and there are complications and OP and/or the baby die.”

“Or OPs husband gets hit by a bus Mean Girls style.”

“Or a natural disaster hits their city.”

“Or Thanos Snap takes out half the population of the earth.”

“No one knows. There are no guarantees in life other than that this nurse is a colossal ***hole.”

“You don’t live your life planning for/afraid of the bad things that may or may not ever happen.”

“You appreciate and enjoy the good things while you have them and deal with the bad as it comes.”

“The important thing is that OP has a perfectly healthy baby and that they spend as much time as they can enjoying all the cuddles and sleep deprivation while they can cause they’ll blink and that baby will be a toddler.”

“And then a teenager.”  ~ JCYN-DDT

“My husband recently got a vasectomy, and he was asked a lot of hard questions, like what if one of our kids die or what if I die/we get divorced and he remarries and wants more kids.”

“It’s not inappropriate for the consulting medical professional to pose those questions and make sure that you’ve thought through the possible options.”

“HOWEVER, that’s not what happened here.”

“This nurse was totally out of line and she should be reprimanded. NTA.”  ~ babers1987

“This. By the title, I thought maybe the baby was I’ll and the nurse brought up an uncomfortable possibility, which would be more complicated.”

“But this has nothing to do with her saying your baby might die.”

“And EVERYTHING to do with her sticking her nose in your very personal reproductive choices!”

“That is WILDLY unprofessional and she absolutely should be reported for it.”  ~ Willowed-Wisp

“NTA. The nurse’s behavior was inappropriate, and people who overstep in that way tend to do it again and again.”

“And, I doubt she’ll get more than a talking to from your doctor, if you’re worrying she might get severely punished.”

“If your mother and SIL continue to give you grief over this.”

“The fact that the doctor him/herself was upset about the nurse’s words should shut them up.”

“By speaking up, you’re hopefully preventing anyone else from having to hear comments that would be disturbing to any new parent!”   ~ nappingthedream

“NTA. You guys are already aware that if you go through with this, your child won’t get another sibling.”

“The nurse didn’t need to try and make you second guess your decision, and SIL and MIL are being insensitive.”

“You just don’t say something like this to parents.”

“You don’t talk about their kids dying. Ever.”  ~ TheChaos97

“NTA. That is a very morbid thing to say, and as a healthcare professional she should’ve known better.” ~ ThomzLC

“My grandmother was very much like this.”

“When my only child was a toddler she said I should have another one, just in case.”

“I was flabbergasted at this.”

“Then as I got older I realized this was coming from a woman who was born in 1910-15 and it was absolutely a normal precaution in the time before vaccines and child car seats.”

“These days, not so much and someone working in a medical office should not be giving parents of a very young baby that kind of ‘advice’. NTA, OP.”  ~ BothReading1229

“NTA. The nurse was out of line and very unprofessional to say something might happen to your child and you might regret not having a 2nd child.”

“A second child would not mitigate the grief of losing the first child.”

“As new parents you are especially caught off guard by these kinds of comments.”

“You are not prepared to answer in the moment.”

“Hormones are everywhere, theres all sorts of appointments, and so little sleep.”

“Give yourself some grace on that.”

“You have given the doctor an opportunity to teach this nurse a valuable lesson in patient care, particularly with new parents and with regard to the loss of a child.”  ~ certifiedfluffernut

OP take comfort in knowing Reddit is here for you.

Everyone is entitled to make their own medical decisions without the shade of others.

Good luck and congratulations new parents!