When we have good news to share, about a promotion at work or a big step in a relationship or even a baby on the way, we should get to feel excited about sharing it with those we love.
But some people are really worried about making situations about themselves, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor princesskittykat2203 was surprised when her mother demanded that she keep her pregnancy news quiet, because she didn’t want the attention taken from her own.
When the extended family backed the mother up, the Original Poster (OP) had mixed feelings.
She asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if I announced my pregnancy?”
The OP recently found out her mother was pregnant again.
“A month ago, my mom (37) found out she is pregnant with her 10th child.”
“She announced it towards the end of January and everyone has been happy for her since she was told she couldn’t have any more kids because it was a health risk for her.”
“She takes every opportunity to let everyone know she is pregnant, like at my dad’s retirement when people were congratulating my dad for retiring from the military, she would change the subject her having a baby.”
“It got old fast, we’re happy for her, but she’s taking it too far.”
Then the OP got surprising news, too.
“On the 13th of February, my husband (21) and I (21) found out that we are expecting our second child as well.”
“This little one was a big surprise because we were told that I wasn’t going to be able to get pregnant again due to the complication from our daughter.”
“We haven’t announced it to everyone, just really close family members, like my parents and my in-laws.”
Her mother didn’t take it well.
“When we told my mother, she threw a fit. She began accusing us of trying to take attention off her and her ‘little miracle.'”
“She told us that we got pregnant just to spite her and that we shouldn’t say anything about us being pregnant to anyone until her baby is born… which is a month before we’re due.”
“She also started going on about if anything happens to her baby, it’s our fault, because we’re causing stress for her, and that this pregnancy is hard already, and we made it worse.”
The rest of the family chose sides.
“My dad and my mom’s family have been begging us not to say anything about our pregnancy so that my mom doesn’t stress.”
“I don’t want to stress my mom out and have harm come to her baby, but at the same time, I feel like I should also be allowed to celebrate and share my pregnancy as we thought we couldn’t have any more children.”
“WIBTA if I announced our little tater tot coming anyways?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was absolutely within her rights to share her good news.
“NTA.”
“Your pregnancy, your announcement to make. Your mom already got to have 10 announcements and you never thought you’d get a second.”
“Let your mom throw her fit. If real-world happenings in the lives of her children cause her so much stress that it harms her pregnancy, then it wasn’t meant to be, as the whole world doesn’t stop to adhere to her desires.”
“Honestly, I would have announced to everyone EXCEPT your mom in your shoes, but as I was reading, I realized you’d already told her.”
“Maybe just wait until you’re 3-4 months in and the doctor says everything is looking good and THEN announce.”
“How weird for you to have a child already that will be older than their aunt/uncle on the way.”
“I can’t even imagine ONE pregnancy let alone 10. (shudder)” – jammy913
“You would be NTA (unless you announce it in a way designed to be obnoxious – like at an event that your mom was hosting).”
“I am quite amused your mother thinks she somehow deserves a monopoly on having babies for the whole year. It’s like someone who celebrates their ‘birthday month’ with some extra audacity sprinkled in.” – jenjen828
“NTA. Your mom sounds very self-centered and like she is in need of therapy. Your pregnancy has nothing to do with her, yet she’s making your pregnancy about her and the supposed impact that it has on her child.”
“I’m really sorry that your mother isn’t more understanding, supportive, and happy that you’re pregnant, especially since, as you said, you didn’t think you’d be able to have another child. That sucks.” – TheUtopianCat
“Congratulations on your pregnancy. Don’t let your mom stress you out.”
“It’s going to be obvious that you’re pregnant soon, maybe a little time away from the negative people, who aren’t excited for you, would help.”
“There is no way you telling anyone you’re pregnant will affect the health of your mom’s pregnancy. How terrible for her to try and put that on you.” – Penny_from_heaven
“NTA. You are also having your own little miracle baby as well, and you are right, you have every right to celebrate your baby. You have every right to celebrate and announce your pregnancy.”
“You would be NTA if you let people know you’re pregnant too. This isn’t a competition. You should be happy to share such joyous news about your baby.” – CODE_NAME_DUCKY
Others agreed and were ashamed of the OP’s mother.
“I’m actually disgusted by people who choose to have this many kids. Our planet is already overpopulated.”
“And it’s such a disservice to the other children in the family, depleting resources such as money and TIME spent on each child. And the parentification of the older ones, as you’ve mentioned.”
“OP’s mom seems truly mentally ill. I’m so sad for all of her kids. I hope OP finds peace and joy in her own small family and can break free of the emotional abuse.” – Peter-Rabbi
“NTA. Your mom sounds narcissistic. I find her reaction really strange. Shouldn’t she be happy that you’re happy and she’s getting another grandchild?”
“Go celebrate your new baby and don’t let her put a damper on you and your husband’s joy.” – lepetitoiseau622
“Tenth child. Mom’s 37. OP is 21, most likely making her the oldest that was popped out when her mom was just 16.”
“To add a hypothetical to the crazy: mom will either play favorites between child ten and grandchild two; or since they’ll be so close in age and if she gets over the stealing of her thunder, she might try and take OP’s baby as often as possible and claim she had twins to get more attention from strangers when out.” – CubeFarmDweller
“She is setting up one of her kids to be the scapegoat for the complications she was warned about in advance. Disgusting.”
“OP, if anything happens to her/baby/pregnancy, and let’s be honest – it is forewarned as highly risky – it is not because your pregnancy stressed her out. It will be because of the likely myriad of reasons her doctors already told her about.”
“But even if she is stressed because you are pregnant, her emotional response to things is not your responsibility. It is unreasonable in this situation for a mentally healthy person to react badly to your news. Her poor response is unreasonable, and all her responsibility.” – supergamernerd
“She got pregnant after being told she SHOULDN’T because it would affect her health; you got pregnant after being told you COULDN’T, BECAUSE of your health…”
“Yours definitely is FAR more prevalent here; her decision to not get fixed puts her own health and that of the baby at risk; it was stupid and selfish. And frankly, any risk she gets AT ALL during this pregnancy was her own doing.”
“NTA, OP” – Faolan_Maikoh
A few challenged the OP’s mother’s use of the word “miracle.”
“I hate to break it to OP’s mother, but a 10th child at 37 isn’t a miracle. NTA.” – PrscheWdow
“If anything, she was either just careless or stupid when she is risking serious health complications. She wasn’t told she couldn’t have more kids, she was told she shouldn’t have more kids for her own safety. No miracles here, just stupid for endangering herself and her unborn child.” – MariekeXx
“There’s a major difference in a miracle baby after you were told you couldn’t get pregnant again, vs this “miracle” that sounds more like ignoring medical advice and risking your life as the parent of many other (assuming at least several dependent) children.” – orbitofnormal
While the OP was feeling conflicted because of pressure from her family, the subReddit insisted she should focus on celebrating her own pregnancy, not worrying about her mother blaming her for things that were out of her control.
Based on what the OP shared, it seems like the mother already had plenty of reasons to worry about her pregnancy, potential complications that should far outweigh in her mind the announcement of another pregnancy, whether it be in her family or not.