When someone has had a weight problem for nearly their entire life, it can be difficult to find the source of the problem.
One woman on Reddit ended up embroiled in drama with her parents when she laid the blame partially at their feet for the way they raised her. She wondered if she was handling the situation improperly, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by BayouBredAnBroughtUp, asked:
“AITA for yelling at my parents, blaming them for my obesity?”
I’m a 20F[emale] and, I’ve been overweight all of my life. When I was growing up, my parents were very lenient on what I ate. They figured since junk food, fast food was what I enjoyed over actual cooking, that’s what they gave me.”
“I was 210 pounds at 14 and it went up and up from there. I’m 272 pounds now.”
“What infuriated me, and what set me off was them calling me last weekend saying they were concerned about my weight.”
“Because I felt they didn’t see the irony or hypocrisy in the people who overfed me for years finally concerned about my weight, I told them that they were at fault, they enabled me to set up these bad eating habits and sedentary lifestyle and that, had they been more attentive, I wouldn’t be so big.”
“They feel as though I’m projecting, that I was out of line for yelling, that I’m angry at myself but am using them as a scapegoat.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who is in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
This topic proved very divisive, but most felt like everyone bore some blame for this dilemma.
“But godda*mit you’re twenty years old. Time to let go of the apron strings.”
“Do you have a problem with your weight today, yes or no? If you don’t, then why are we here? If you do have a problem with your weight today, you’re not going to solve it by worrying about who was to blame yesterday. Time to take ownership of your life, assume responsibility for your problems, and get busy building the situation you want to have.” —AGoodFaceForRadio
“I agree OP should take ownership for her obesity now, but parents should be give children what they need, not just what they want. That’s the parents’ responsibility. Lots of children are fussy eaters and it can be a nightmare to get them to eat healthily.”
“But good parents persevere, because the short-term inconvenience for them is offset by the greater payoff for their child. OP’s parents didn’t.” —DutchDave87
“Yeah, ‘cos once those unhealthy behaviours are ingrained – having been learned from birth, they’re sooo easy to unlearn. This isn’t going to be a simple case of just saying, ‘Oh I’m going to only eat healthy food from now on’, it’s a much harder challenge of learning to deny yourself food whenever you want it, retraining your brain, taste-buds and digestive system to prefer smaller, healthier meals.”
“I’m in the same situation, only 30 years down the line. It means never letting my guard down as the default setting is to backslide into old eating habits learnt as a child. OP’s parents are definitely to blame, just as they’re responsible for teaching you to walk and speak.”
“However, also from experience – much easier to lose that weight now than when you’re 50 so get stuck in and get rid, it’ll save a lifetime of health and social problems – a lifetime of fat shaming is not fun. I do wish I’d been told that at your age. NTA and best of luck with it.” —MargoKittie
“No, 14/15 y/o do not have the emotional handles to break with deep rooted habits. Nowhere do they state if they were in otherwise healthy environments, like school, friends or other family members which would make it easier to learn healthy habits.”
“It also nowhere says if the parents are overweight too, which if they are it would make sense to be angry.”
“Now OP, please get some therapy. If your parents only let you have junkfood, it is very likely the lacked in other parts of you upbringing and therapy could help you a lot.” —Lalalaliena
“Children are not responsible for their food decisions. You cant give them chips and cookies their whole life, you’re supposed to be a parent. Her parents are 100% responsible for this outcome.”
“I watch a documentary about the lack of dentistry and healthcare in Appalachia and many of the parents there were doing insane things like giving their toddler nothing but Mountain Dew because thats what they wanted and they had horrible teeth with holes in them that was painful.”
“Apparently everyone on this sub would blame the child for wanting Mountain Dew or when they turn 15 after a lifetime of knowing nothing but bad food, blame them because they were supposed to magically have different eating habits than they had their whole life. Do you blame generational impoverishment on the impoverished people and ignore all outside forces?” —MagicalRainbowz
“Are you kidding??? If a child is not provided with guidance on making smart choices- why the F would they make ‘smart choices’ over the good they know. But it also sounds like no one is taking any kind of responsibility here. ESH.” —hicomomma
“OP — please don’t believe that it was your responsibility to get the resources you needed as a child. That is self-parentification and setting unrealistic expectations on children—you needed help and the people who were there to help you didn’t. it’s important to seek help as an adult if you want to change the behaviors engrained but at 14 it was not your job.” —bluetime0913
“ESH, while your health is partially your parents’ responsibility (more so when you were younger), it’s also your responsibility as well. Everyone has fault here.” —m48_apocalypse
Hopefully OP and her parents can figure out how to move forward from this conflict.