Finding the perfect wedding dress can be a real struggle for some brides.
Every bride wants to look their most fabulous!
Sometimes the dress a bride wears has meaning and history.
This can be a sticking point for certain family members.
So what is a bride to do?
Redditor Fun-Complaint3377 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my mother-in-law I can’t wear the wedding dress she wore because of our dress size differences?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“The wedding dress my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] (49 F[emale]) wore for her wedding is a US dress size 4.”
“I’m (27 F) a US dress size 16.”
“MIL and F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] (49 M) had always wanted whoever their son (25 M) married to wear MIL’s dress.”
“When it came time to give a definite answer, I told MIL I can’t wear the dress because of our size differences.”
“She told me I can wear it, I just have to either lose weight or alter the dress.”
“I told her no.”
“She called me selfish.”
“FIL is on her side, my fiancé is on my side.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I’m sorry, but it’s weird they want their son’s bride to wear his mother’s dress.”
“NTA. But they need to get a grip.” ~ Decent-Historian-207
“Yeah, that feels really creepy to me. If the bride asks to wear the dress, that’s one thing.”
“Hoping your own daughter will want to wear your wedding dress is understandable.’
“Expecting your daughter-in-law to wear your wedding dress, that’s weird.” ~ Rhiannon8404
“Exactly. There’s a big difference between offering a dress as a sweet, sentimental gesture and putting pressure on someone to fit into it.”
“Forcing that expectation just makes it awkward for everyone.” ~ BeautyWilllow
“NTA. The fact that they want you to wear their son’s mother’s wedding dress is odd enough.”
“Your comfort should be the priority here, and if it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit.”
“They need to respect that.” ~ LetsPlayNaughty94
“NTA. Altering a size 4 up to a 16 isn’t tailoring, it’s basically remaking the dress.”
“You’d destroy the original and still risk a weird fit.” ~ Alice-003
“It’s 100% fatphobia.”
“Forget altering the dress from 4 to 16, destroying the garment.”
“Altering your body from 16 to 4, just to wear a dress for one day, will destroy your body and your brain.”
“It qualifies as a dramatic body change, and there’s plenty of anecdotal and scientific evidence about how hard that change is on a person, regardless of whether they’re able to maintain it.” ~ TheUnculturedSwan
“Assuming that your MIL has, shall we say, become a bigger person over the decades, I suggest that you invite her to wear her wedding dress to your wedding.”
“Tell her that if it no longer fits, she can lose weight or alter the dress.”
“Meantime, you go out and find the dress that brings joy to your heart.”
“NTA, although your MIL is auditioning for that role.” ~ TararaBoomDA
“NTA. Your MIL and FIL are implying that they think you are overweight.”
“Unless it’s a custom-made Vera Wang or something like that… and even so, you’d think MIL would want to save the dress for future granddaughters, not try to force her D[aughter]-I[n]-L[aw] to marry her son in it.”
“They are being mean and manipulative, and I truly hope your S[ignificant] O[ther] is up to the challenge of supporting and defending you against their future bullshit and that he will always put you first.” ~ rmebmr
“Your MIL is absolutely unreasonable to think a size 4 dress can be made over to a size 16.”
“Incorporating the old dress into the new is, of course, up to you.”
“I remain just jaw-unhinged flabbergasted that your MIL had the audacity to suggest that you even try to lose enough weight to go from a size 16 to 4!!!!”
“That is just… incredibly, incredibly RUDE!!!”
“Does your fiancé’s family normally treat you like this?”
“And what the heck is HE saying about all of this????”
“NTA. NTA. NTA.” ~ busyshrew
“It is incredibly brazen of her to just assume her son’s fiancée would want to wear her dress.”
“Obviously, she chose her own wedding dress, so why would she think OP wouldn’t want to choose her own dress?”
“Size has nothing to do with it.”
“What if OP’s mom had a beautiful wedding dress that she wanted to wear?”
“Future MIL needs to shut up and be supportive.”
“It’s not her wedding, and it’s not her decision.” ~ shaylgarcia
“Tell your fiancé that he needs to step up and deal with his mother directly himself. NTA.” ~ annang
“As someone who learned to sew as a child, you can not alter a size 4 dress to accommodate a size 16. It will not even remotely be the same dress, and it will look like a Frankenstein.”
“Tell future MIL that you love that she had this wonderful idea, but you would not dream of butchering her beautiful wedding dress.”
“Perhaps your daughter could wear it one day.”
“Then, go find your dream dress.” ~ Beyond_The_Pale_61
“NTA. The difference between size 4 and size 16 is too big to alter a dress nicely, and losing weight is your decision and not easy either.”
“You could compromise by incorporating some details from MIL’s dress, if possible (such as lace or other elements that are feasible and visually appealing).”
“Alternatively, you could wear her veil if she wants to preserve the dress itself.”
“There are options here.” ~ Informal-Insurance63
“NTA. The size issue aside, MIL is TA for making somebody else’s wedding dress about her.”
“She’s a selfish jerk for making a demand like that.” ~ Reliant20
“NTA. It simply won’t be possible, even if you want it to be.”
“If you’d like to incorporate a piece of the dress into your own, then so be it. “
“Your fiancé had better be supporting you vocally and loudly.”
“If your MIL doesn’t drop this, I’d be talking to your fiancé about what kind of relationship he expects to have with them moving forward.” ~ EmbarrassedRaccoon34
“Look, you wouldn’t be the a**hole even if you were also a size 4 and simply didn’t WANT to wear her dress.”
“So this sort of obnoxious, controlling behavior from your MIL seals the deal that you’re NTA.” ~ curlykewing
“I mean, obviously NTA.”
“That’s just not possible.”
“Would it be possible for you to take some trim or lace or something from it and incorporate it into the dress you wear?”
“Or use the veil?”
“I feel like there are plenty of sentimental things you can do (if you want to) without wearing the dress.” ~ riontach
“NTA. It’s a lovely idea, but it just won’t work.”
“Ask MIL to tell you about how excited she was when she went wedding dress shopping and how she felt when she found her perfect dress.”
“Then tell her that’s the experience you want to have – to go shopping and try on different dresses until you find your perfect fit.”
“Ask her to be part of your excitement and to come with you and whoever you’re taking with you.”
“Ask her to understand that if she insists that you wear her dress, she’s taking away your bridal experience.”
“Good luck!” ~ 3bag
“She can want all she wants; you are under no obligation to acquiesce.”
“I’ve always dreamed of having a million dollars, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”
“NTA.” ~ waywardjynx
“NTA. There is no healthy way to shrink from a Size 16 to Size 4 in time for the wedding – even attempting it is likely to have a very bad effect on your health, and it’s appalling that MIL even suggested it.” ~ Astreja
“Your MIL decided that you would wear a dress without even knowing you.”
“You’re allowed to have your own dreams and ideas of what you want to wear.”
“If she’ll allow you to use pieces of it, you can use it in a bouquet, as a pocket square/tie for your husband, a hair piece, a purse, etc.”
“But in general, you don’t have to wear anything you don’t want to for any reason at all. NTA.” ~ Sami_George
“IF you want to make peace, a part of her dress can be incorporated into a dress of your choosing.”
“Some lace or decoration.”
“But their dream of seeing their son marry Mom is creepy.”
“So. NTA.” ~ GoodAcanthocephala95
“NTA. Putting the size difference aside – it’s your wedding and you get to choose your own dress, period.”
“I can understand a bride choosing to wear her mother’s (if she does choose).”
“But your mother-in-law’s dress? Why?”
“It’s sweet of her to offer, but you are well within your rights to say no.
“I’m glad your fiancé is backing you on this.” ~ Princess-She-ra
“How in the world did your fiancé’s parents decide that whomever he married would wear HER dress in the first place?”
“I’m still trying to get past THAT part!!”
“If your fiancé knew this growing up, he should have nipped it in the bud long ago! …and is he only on your side only in private, or has he actually said this in FRONT of his parents with YOU present?”
“You might want to make sure of all of that BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle!!”
“NTA!!!” ~ MamaDee1959
“NTA. Altering the dress so it would fit you would change the look of the dress (unless you want seams at all the wrong places), and MIL also wouldn’t like that, I guess.”
“But you should wear whatever you want to wear.” ~ Worldly_Pop7486
“This is an insane request.”
“You don’t have to wear the dress.”
“It’s weird that she’s insisting you wear it.”
“Have your partner deal with his mother.”
“This is not an issue you need to involve yourself in.” ~ REDDIT
Reddit supports you, OP.
This is your wedding, you can wear whatever dress you want for YOUR wedding.
Your MIL has overstepped.
It’s nice to hear you have the support of your SO.
Good Luck.