There are certain boundaries that most people have enough common sense to respect.
Even so, we often find ourselves surprised by the number of people who lack this awareness.
Invading people’s privacy, or spoiling their surprises, completely oblivious to the fact that they’ve done anything wrong.
A recent Redditor thought she had a good relationship with her new mother-in-law (MIL).
However, the OP was unpleasantly surprised to discover that her MIL massively broke her trust.
Even more surprising, when the OP brought this up to her husband, he claimed she needed to get her “priorities straight”.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? MIL opens all of our wedding cards day after wedding.”
The OP explained how her MIL revealed her true colors in a most unpleasant way:
“My MIL (Nigerian if that matters) and I have always had a good relationship (from my understanding) however suddenly, the day after I married my husband (her son) I found out that she opened all of our wedding cards.”
“This is something the bride and groom does together but no- she opens all of the cards.”
“My husband had been in defense of his mother and says that ‘I don’t have my priorities straight’ and ‘his family paid for the wedding’ blah blah … wtf?”
“Why would any in-laws need to open any wedding cards?”
“I asked my MIL if she knew who opened the cards and that I find that to be disrespectful.”
“Her response was to call my husband yelling and hyperventilating, basically putting on a show.”
“I personally look at her completely different now that she’s crossed clear boundaries and betrayed my privacy in that way.”
“Am I overreacting?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they belieevd the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being upset with her MIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s MIL crossed a serious line, with many urging her to seriously consider if staying in this marriage is a good idea:
“NTA.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m Nigerian.”
“Let’s just say you’re not going to win a fight against a Nigerian mother in law.”
“The culture is very much about deference to the husband and the mother of the son gets all the respect.”
“Sons do not side with their wives against their mothers.”
“It’s seen as emasculating to the male, and immensely disrespectful to the mother.”
“The culture sees wives as outsiders.”
“The culture is very much about wifely submission to the husband and her in-laws.”
“Sit your husband down and ask him point blank, does he hold you in higher regard over his mother?”
“Ask him to explain how he understands forsaking all others, leaving his parents and cleaving to his wife… listen carefully, don’t argue.”
“If he doesn’t show you a satisfactory answer, get an annulment.”
“It’s not going to get better.”
“Sorry your father was right.”- PandaStroke
“My husband had been in defense of his mother and says that ‘I don’t have my priorities straight’.”
“‘I asked my MIL if she knew who opened the cards and that I find that to be disrespectful. Her response was to call my husband yelling and hyperventilating , basically putting on a show’.”
“You need to immediately have a reality check, and consider if this is a safe future for you.”
“NTA – but girl, hurry.”- Mesapholis
“NTA.”
“If you need to justify why this was a problem, let your husband (and through him your mother in law) know that you needed to know what was in the cards in order to write proper thank you notes.”
“Now you will not know if anybody sent what kind of gifts, and your notes will indicate that you never received it, if there was money or gift cards.”
“This means the entire family will think of you and your husband as ungrateful and rude, and some may even ask if you never received what was in the cards.”
“Then sit down with your husband and make him help you write those notes.”- Missepus
“NTA.”
“And ask your husband how you are supposed to write thank you cards without knowing what people sent to you?”- javel1
“NTA.”
“She took the cash.”- notevenapro
“NTA.”
“You have a husband problem.”
“I recommend you demand couple’s counseling or get an annulment.”
“He’s choosing them over you, which means he’s not married in his heart yet.”
“Do not have kids with him until this is sorted, because MIL will try to run your parenting, too.”
“This kind of thing is a relationship killer.”- mesarasa
“Your husband knows his mother stole all the wedding gift money, and he’s okay with that.”
“He may even have made that deal with her when they agreed to pay for the wedding.”
“This is a husband problem, not a MIL problem.”
“NTA but concentrate on your husband taking responsibility and being honest with you, because that’s the issue for the rest of your married life.”- ThisWeekInTheRegency
“NTA, but reconsider your priorities since he’s not reconsidering his.”
“She will override you whenever there’s a difference of opinion and he will side with her.”
“What else does she believe in that you don’t want to do?”
“If she’s old-school, does she believe in traditional gender roles?”
“Differences on raising children?”
“Make sure you don’t get pregnant with him and think about whether you want to live your life according to his mother’s rules.”- Ok_Homework_7621
“NTA.”
“Paying for the wedding doesn’t mean opening all your cards.”- honkbonk5000
“NTA.”
“Was she after the contents?”
“And yes, your husband needs educating or ditching.”
“Do not get pregnant till this issue is resolved or you are trapped for ever.”- Time-Tie-231
“NTA.”
“I’m Nigerian.”
“MIL was out of line.”
“It sucks your husband didn’t defend you.”
“This probably won’t get better once you start having kids.”
“It sucks that your husband and his mom hid their true colors before the wedding.”
“Talk to your husband about how he needs to defend you as the wife and that you’re his family now.”
“If they don’t apologize or make things right, maybe get an annulment.”- Consistent-Pickle-88
“You are NTA but your MIL is not your problem unfortunately.”
“Your husband is the issue here.”- Individual_Metal_983
“NTA.”
“Get an annulment.”- FinnFinnFinnegan
“NTA.”
“She probably opened them to scan for money enclosed.”
“She wants paying for her help with the wedding.”
“Use this experience to understand that anything she does for you comes with strings.”
“ETA, I’d probably go nuclear by thanking everyone in a group post on FB or similar, and point out that their money went to line your MIL’s pockets.”
“What she did is stealing.”
“And, your husband needs to work out where his priorities lie, then you need to decide if he is really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.”- Complex-Cut-5563
“NTA.”
“The good relationship was actually a ‘in your business’ type of relationship.”
“Expect more guilt tripping, ignorance of boundaries and blaming for trying to stand up for yourself.”
“More seriously, while it’s not everyone, the family structure in African homes means that older people are more likely to act in a way that seems (and actually is) entitled and downright rude to foreigners.”
“My advice is to talk to your husband and try to get a sense of how he expects you to act in regards to his mother, because, yes, there are expectations you might not even had thought about.”
“From there, you can decide if that’s the type of marriage you want to have.”
“This won’t be an isolated case unless you both choose to make it so.”
“Get informed, so that you have the full picture.”- Purplelover5678
“NTA.”
“Can you get an annulment?”- WomanInQuestion
“You are under reacting.”
“This is one of those situations where you pack a bag and tell your husband he needs to focus on his mother’s mental health because she is not well, and then he needs to figure out what kind of marriage he wants because you are not going to allow his mother do walk all over you, overstep, and then play the victim whenever someone calls her out for being selfish and cruel.”
“This is not a culture thing.”
“This is not a family thing.”
“This is a ‘your mother is a manipulative, toxic woman who see’s you as a threat to her control over her son…and she is letting you know that she holds all the power, not you’ thing.”
“NTA.”
“PS: Start researching anullments.”- Riker_Omega_Three
It’s hard to imagine why the OP’s MIL thought it was appropriate to open all the OP’s, not to mention her son’s, wedding cards.
Not as perplexing, however, that the OP’s new husband didn’t seem to think there was a problem here.
Based on both of their behaviors, it’s hard to disagree with those above who predicted these two won’t be the OP’s MIL or husband for much longer…