Many people eagerly anticipate going on vacation with their family.
However, when the big trip finally arrives, it sometimes doesn’t take long for the excitement to die down considerably.
As it often isn’t until the trip has already begun that we discover that not every member of our family shares the same idea of what makes a fun and enjoyable vacation.
Redditor Dry-Rule7533 had recently planned a big family vacation where his family and his sister’s family would travel together.
Prior to departing, the original poster (OP) informed his brother-in-law (BIL) of what the trip would entail.
As it turned out, however, the OP’s BIL wasn’t at all prepared for what this group vacation had in store.
Resulting in some tension between the OP and his sister.
Concerned he might have been inconsiderate, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not adjusting our China trip to my BIL’s cardio limits?”
The OP explained why the family vacation he planned proved anything but joyous for his BIL:
“I (39 M[ale]) recently went to China with my sister (36 F[emale), her husband (we’ll call him ‘Doug’ 40 M), their son (12), my wife and our two kids (11, 9).”
“My sister and I were born in China, but our family immigrated to Dallas when we were young.”
“She stayed there, got married, and had her son, while I settled in the Pacific NW with my wife and two gremlins of our own.”
“Growing up, our parents emphasized healthy eating and staying active.”
“My sister and I still live that way and pass it to our kids.”
“Doug, however, is… American in every sense of that word.”
“He grew up on ultra-processed foods (Fruit Snacks were considered fruit), and he’ll insist on starting up his Grand Wagoneer for any distance more than three blocks.”
“He’s not TLC immobile, but definitely not built for long treks.”
“Their son just finished 7th grade and loved the ancient China unit, especially the Terracotta Warriors.”
“My sister thought this the perfect time for him, being half-Chinese, to visit his ancestral homeland.”
“I was already planning a trip to Chongqing to see family, so we added my sister’s family to the itinerary and expanded it to include places like Beijing, Xi’an, and Nanjing to match what their son had learned in school.”
“I handled most of the planning and tried to hint that a lot of walking would be involved—especially since many Chinese cities have vast transit systems and are less car-dependent.”
“Doug didn’t take it seriously.”
“Once we arrived, it was clear he couldn’t keep up when we explored the landmarks.”
“My sister often stayed behind with him, while my wife and I continued with the kids to ensure we kept up with our tour groups.”
“It all came to a head in our final stop: my grandmother’s hometown near Chongqing.”
“This place is basically vertical—stairs and steep slopes everywhere.”
“On a particularly hot, humid day, I took the kids to the local market via a park our old family helped build.”
“Doug insisted on coming, saying he didn’t want to sit around all day.”
“I warned it was a long walk, but he insisted.”
“Half a mile in, he was struggling.”
“I slowed down, but the kids kept running ahead.”
“After we got through the park, I convinced him to take a taxi back while I continued to the market with the kids.”
“When we returned, Doug was sulking and my sister was upset.”
“She said I was inconsiderate for not just taking a taxi to the market.”
“I explained that would’ve taken longer given the layout, and the kids wouldn’t have seen the park that was part of our family history.”
“She said she hadn’t realized how physically demanding the trip would be since she let me handle most of the planning and I didn’t consider Doug’s limits.”
“I agree I could’ve been more considerate of Doug’s cardio, but not at the expense of my nephew and kids experiencing their cultural landmarks—especially since it was my nephew’s first time in his homeland, and my kids’ first time in Xi’an and Beijing.”
“They all said had an amazing and educational experience.”
“So—AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not adjusting his trip to accommodate his BIL.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP gave Doug fair warning, and Doug should have expressed any concerns regarding his capabilities earlier, and had no one to blame for being tired and unable to keep up but himself:
“NTA.”
“This was an expensive trip–once in a lifetime for most people who could even think about going a trip like this–and you wanted everyone (especially the kids) to get the most out of it.”
“You warned him about the walking and he didn’t complain.”
“I will say you really shouldn’t ‘hint’ at these things, tho.”
“Be direct in the future.”
“‘Just so you know, there’s going to be a lot of long distance walking on this trip, so you might want to start practicing now’.”
“He’s an adult.”
“He can take a taxi to get around if he wants to.”
“He knows that he’s the one with physical limitations, and he shouldn’t expect to let his own limitations get in the way of everyone else’s enjoyment.”
“What he SHOULD have said was, ‘Hey, thank you so much for planning this amazing trip!'”
“‘I know the kids will remember this trip forever’.”
“‘I should have paid more attention when you warned me it would be physically demanding’.”
“‘I’m sorry if I held you guys back at all’.”
“‘This has been a real wake-up call for me and I’ll plan to get into shape as soon as we get back to the states so I can keep up with y’all in the future!'”- gordonf23
“NTA.”
“I went to Italy with family.”
“We visited Mt Aetna.”
“My sisters & BIL decided to climb further up the volcano & I did not want that level of exertion.”
“Honestly debatable if I could have.”
“So up they went while I sat my a** at the cafe/store & had a local beer & cannoli.”
“I wasn’t going to stop them from going & miss the opportunity.”
“I also exercised & dieted & lost 60 lbs in anticipation of this trip so that I could sightsee & keep up.”-FarlerFive
“NTA.”
“To me, a sightseeing vacation means a ton of walking.”
“I guess some people do the hop on, hop off bus and call it a day.”
“But I do travel occasionally with my mother-in-law, who is in her late 70s, so I’m familiar with the challenges of planning a trip for people with different energy levels.”
“She’s a lot more energetic than your BIL, but we plan on taking taxis and she occasionally opts to split off for a rest day.”
“Next time, don’t ‘hint’ that there will be a lot of walking.”
“Say outright, I’m booking a walking tour of the Forbidden City where we will be on our feet for three hours.”
“Should I buy you a ticket, or do you want to see it at your own pace?”
“More transparent information could have given him a chance to find a hack to make the activities work for him (such as taking a taxi and meeting you there) or the option to split off and do something a little more low key.”- __The_Kraken__
“NTA.”
“He’s an adult.”
“He should be able to judge his own limits and plan around his own limits.”
“There shouldn’t be a need for you to change your plans to pamper to him, especially if the plans are ones that have been agreed upon by the majority of the group.”- lil_zaku
“NTA.”
“You know why?”
“Because of the kids!”
“This is a special trip for the kids to learn about their culture and Doug is holding them back.”
“It’s fine for him to need accommodations or go at his own pace.”
“If he cannot keep up with his own kids who are having a blast…nor speak up and get his needs met while not degrading the kids experience…that would be fine.”
“Instead he is centering himself and his experience.”
“This is the opposite of what a parent should do.”- begonia707
“NTA.”
“I’m not obese, but do have physical limitations (can’t walk down stairs without excruciating pain) due to previous employment.”
“I will never cheat my kids out of an experience like that, and will find alternate paths for me or bite my tongue and bear the pain.”
“Certainly I would not expect another family to make asinine accommodations for me and jeopardize their trip so I could keep up.”- Early_out82
Had the OP sprung how taxing and demanding the vacation would be on Doug, then that would have been borderline cruel.
However, seeing as the OP gave Doug more than fair warning, he had plenty of time to either get in better shape or decide what he was and wasn’t up to.
One can only wonder if there will be more family vacations like this in the future…