It’s always advisable to ask permission to use something that’s not yours.
Even within your own family.
While it seems reasonable enough to assume it’s ok to use something at any given moment, someone else in your family might need it more urgently.
In the case of children and parents, something may be off-limits for safety reasons.
The car belonging to the daughter of Redditor Leap-Window5345 was off-limits to her step-brother.
Which didn’t stop him from taking it, without permission, to use on an outing with friends.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) taking measures some might have called drastic, including their spouse.
Wondering if they went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for reporting my daughter’s car missing after her stepbrother took it without permission?”
The OP explained why, upon learning that their stepson took their daughter’s car without permission, they felt there was only one thing to do.
“I got my daughter (17) a new car 2 months ago.”
“Her stepbrother (19) has gone crazy about it ever since and has been attempting to drive it but my daughter made it clear she doesn’t want him to.”
“He’d refer to it as ‘our car’ and would get mad when my daughter decorates it with pink and add teddy bears and necklaces as decoration.”
“He’d get angry and say that she was ‘ruining their car’ and ’embarrassing in front of his friends’ although she never let him get inside of it.”
“I asked my husband to talk to his son but he said that my daughter and I need to ‘chill’.”
“Fast forward to this past Friday.”
“My daughter called me at work saying her stepbrother took her car while she was upstairs after he demanded the keys and she refused.”
“I called his phone but he didn’t respond.”
“I called my husband and told him what happened, I told him that he needed to go bring the car back or I’d have to call the police.”
“He called his son then called me back saying his son was just taking it to go to the movies with his friends and will bring it back at 9 pm.”
“I couldn’t wait. I warned him one more time to bring it back but he stalled.”
“I called the police and reported it stolen.”
“My stepson was picked up from his location and brought in to the local police station.”
“We got the car back but it was a mess, the decorations and toys in it were gone.”
“My daughter didn’t stop crying about it.”
“My husband blew up at me on the phone for calling the police on his son and causing him to spend the night there.”
“They both came home the next day and a huge argument ensued with my husband saying I made a mistake reporting the car missing, and said that I escalated this situation and that I was the one who created it and should’ve got his son a similar car or at least told my daughter to share.”
“Otherwise we wouldn’t be dealing with his son’s temper tantrums.”
“The house has been full of tension since then and everyone is just mad at each other. I didn’t want police involvement but seeing my daughter cry I just couldn’t take it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to call the police and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that technically speaking, the OP’s stepson did steal their daughter’s car and that his father needed to be much stricter when it came to discipline.
“You told your husband to get the car back or you’d call the police.”
“He and his son ignored you.”
“You called the police.”
“No one should be surprised.”
“Why doesn’t your husband buy his son a car?”
“It sounds like your finances are separated?”
“Does the kid work, go to school, do anything responsible with his life?”- wordsmythy
“I love when the husband says you should have either bought his son a car or told your daughter to share.”
“Or he could have just taught his son to not be entitled.”- Dangerous-Emu-7924
“Guess what – when you are 19 years old and you take a car without permission that is stealing and it is wrong morally and legally.”
“You have a stepson problem but you also have a husband problem.”
“This adult son should have been shut down on day 1 by his father for acting like this was some kind of ‘joint ownership’ car.”
“It was not his, it is not his.”
“If he wants a car he can get a job and buy one or beg daddy for one.”
“If daddy can’t or won’t provide, it is not your responsibility to provide for his deficiencies.”
“This is a hill to die on, because this will happen again if this 19-year-old man doesn’t quit with his entitled behavior and keeps getting backed up by his father.”- pfashby
“That car was stolen and vandalized.”
“The son not returning the car upon demand was a violation of boundaries, but tearing down her decor on the inside for no good reason was spiteful and criminal.”- ashisht1122
“Your daughter and you both set clear, firm boundaries that the car was NOT a shared vehicle, but her own personal possession and Birthday gift, purchased by you.”
“Your stepson repeatedly stomped all over this boundary, disrespecting both your daughter, and you, and your husband was complicit in this abuse.”
“He should have sat his son down, firmly reinforced the stated boundaries, about respecting both other people’s property and also respect things the feelings of his step sister and you.”
“He CHOSE not to do that, and they both just experienced what happens when they ‘f*ck around and find out’.”
“Honestly, OP, there’s really something wrong with your family dynamic.”
“Your stepson is 19, he’s legally an adult, and this is very serious.”
“It was serious when he was ‘complaining’ about how your daughter decorated HER OWN CAR.”
“It was serious when your husband didn’t correct him in this ‘our car’ bullsh*t.”
“It’s serious that your husband dismissed you when you communicated loud and clear what the consequences were going to be for his son, and it’s serious that they are mad at you for daring to follow through with those consequences.”
“The 19-year-old sounds like an entitled brat.”
“Why is he still living in your house, berating and badgering your underaged daughter and disrespecting you?”- Myay-4111
“So, your stepson stole a car, threw out the owner’s belongings, trashed it, and landed his thieving self in jail even though he knew he was busted and could have avoided being arrested?”
“Is this right?”
“And your husband thinks this is YOUR fault for not bribing this punk not to rob your daughter?!”
“YOU should have bought HIS son a car?”
“Why didn’t he buy his son a car himself?”
“He stole the car and when you steal cars the police will come and put you in jail.”
“Just because he is family doesn’t mean he can take whatever he wants.”- Only_Meal_19
“But you and your daughter deserve better.”- ChrisP8675309
“Sounds like it’s time for stepson to find his own place now.”
“Your partner can buy his son a car himself.”
“Seems like both needed the involvement of the police to wake up and discover that NO from you and daughter, means still taking the car is theft.”
“That they can’t bully their way through life unless they want official involvement in their lives.”
“You had recourse and used it, now it’s time for you to insist on couples therapy to deal with the issues.”
“Do not put up with a hostile home.”
“You and your daughter are being dragged into an abusive atmosphere, time to address that as well.”- gemma156
“But I don’t know how you could continue with this marriage.”
“The audacity to demand a car from you is intense.”
“Is he not dad enough to buy his own kid a car with his own money?”
“That’s rhetorical coz we already know.”- CactusMcChicken
“You have a husband problem.”
“If he so desperately wants his son to have a car, he should buy one for him.”
“Better yet, your stepson is a grown adult, capable of having a job.”
“He is NOT entitled to your daughter’s car.”
“While calling the police on him seems a bit extreme, I don’t think he would have learned his lesson without it.”
“Your husband and stepson are definitely a**holes.”- Purplefox71
The only thing more confusing than the behavior of the OP’s stepson is the behavior of their husband.
Who not only condoned his son’s behavior but then tried to blame the OP for the situation.
Trust is a valuable commodity that needs to be earned, and it seems like both the OP’s husband and stepson have lost their trust.
Hopefully, it can be regained with a civil conversation, otherwise, this blended family could find themselves estranged in a short amount of time.