While we may not always agree with their choices, most of us agree to follow the rules and expectations of a couple’s wedding invitation.
That should be especially true regarding who is invited and who is not, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor babyweddingthrowaway was uncomfortable with the idea of leaving their ten-month-old baby with a babysitter.
So while it was supposed to be a childfree wedding, the Original Poster (OP) decided to bring their young child along for the ceremony and reception.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for bringing my baby to a childfree wedding?”
The OP decided to bring their ten-month-old baby to a wedding.
“My cousin lives a 6-hour drive from me and the rest of our family. A few months ago, we all drove over there for his wedding.”
“Due to limited space, no children were invited to the wedding except the bride’s young nieces and nephews.”
“My baby was 10 months old at the time, and I wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone in an unfamiliar place with a stranger, which was a babysitter that my other cousins hired for their own kids.”
“So I decided to bring him to the wedding.”
The OP thought this was an acceptable choice.
“I wrote on the RSVP that I was bringing him but he would be sitting on my lap and I would bring my own food for him.”
“My cousin didn’t say anything, so I assumed that he was OK with it.”
“My baby cried at the ceremony, but I quickly took him out of the room.”
“At the reception, I had him with me the whole time in a body carrier. He didn’t make much of a fuss and I thought everything was OK.”
The family criticized the OP for their decision.
“After the wedding, my aunt (groom’s mom) confronted me and told me that I was rude for bringing my baby without permission.”
“I explained that I wrote on the RSVP what I was planning to do and that my cousin didn’t object.”
“She said that my cousin and his bride had a problem with it, but the bride didn’t want to start any drama because she doesn’t know me well.”
“My other cousin’s baby was 7 months old at the time, and my aunt said that he had no problem leaving his baby with the ‘certified’ babysitter, and she said I should have done the same.”
“And some of my cousins were upset because they thought that the groom gave me special treatment by letting me bring my baby and making them leave their kids with a babysitter.”
“I didn’t mean to start any drama.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP should have respected the rules on the wedding invitation.
“YTA. Your baby literally did the thing that the bride and groom wanted to avoid: disrupt the ceremony.”
“You had plenty of time to find a babysitter or other family member to watch your kid while you went to the wedding but decided that you were just above the rules.” – brainybae
“It’s so tiring when people completely ignore ‘childfree.'”
“I didn’t like the idea of a stranger so instead, I’ll cause drama by having a crying baby and not thinking of all the other guests who made accommodations to attend childfree.”
“It’s the ‘I have a child and we are the most important in the world’ card.” – AdorableTechnology39
“Yeah, and I don’t think penciling it into the RSVP is good enough either.”
“If you think your cousin really wants you there, you literally call them up and have a frank discussion to figure out if it’s really OK for you to violate the childfree aspect for both bride and groom.”
“If not and you don’t have a sitter, stay home.”
“YTA.” – avelak
“This is literally what my husband’s friends did, and they were P**SED when he called to tell them that writing in their kids on the RSVP did not magically make it okay for their kids to attend our wedding.” – Oomphatic
“I think even asking directly is kinda s**tty, in most circumstances. It puts the hosts in a bad spot.”
“They said no kids on your invitation for a reason. They meant no kids. Asking them directly just puts them in an awkward position where they either have to say no to your face (you, the person trying to override their rules with insistence/arguments against their request) or just let it go and give in because you’re making them uncomfortable and they don’t want to escalate the problem you’re causing.”
“And then everyone who did follow their rules gets mad at them, too.” – boudicas_shield
“Bride/Groom: ‘Here is a rule for the wedding: Do NOT bring your child or any babies to the wedding.'”
“OP passive-aggressively writing: ‘I am not going to follow your rules, as by my signed RSVP card.'”
“Bride/Groom: ‘What the h**l? They couldn’t even be bothered to reach out and ask if they could or not? They are just TELLING us they are breaking the rule?'”
“OP: ‘See, they never said anything to me directly so it was okay.'”
“Everyone Else: ‘THEY TOLD US FROM THE START TO NOT BRING BABIES OR CHILDREN. WHY DID YOU THINK YOU WERE SPECIAL!?!?!'”
“Imagine inviting 100 people to a wedding, and every single one of them wrote in that they were making ‘custom arrangements’ that were contradictory to the wedding. No one asked if they COULD do it, they just told the bride/groom that they were going to do it, and it was up to the bride/groom to do something about it.”
“How many times do people have to say ‘No’ before people get it?” – numbersthen0987431
Others thought the couple would potentially be bitter about this for a long time.
“A cousin from out of town brought his two youngest to our wedding. I hated it.”
“I’ve never said a word to anyone, and this was twelve years ago, because I completely get it… he lived a long way away, babysitters are hard to find, etc, etc. but the hard, cold truth is it completely changed the vibe.”
“A vibe I (and close family) had spent $$,$$$’s and a year planning to create. I was stunned too. Stunned is a really great word for it. It was just… wow.”
“Kids are great. Having a $xx,xxx vibe canceled at the whim of a cousin = not great.” – eangel1918
“I told everyone my wedding was child-free. I even had friends stationed at the front in case people brought their children to direct them to free babysitters. I knew people would try and go around it.”
“And still, someone brought a baby in and sat in the back because their baby ‘would be fine’. We barely even knew this person.”
“You can hear this d**n baby crying on my video, and it p**ses me off 24 years later every time I think about it.”
“During the reception when we were talking to everyone, when I was introduced to them, I said to them in my best ‘bless your heart’ voice, ‘So you’re the little one that had so much to say during the ceremony. I just can’t wait to hear it again when we watch the video…’.”
“I said this all the while staring the dad straight in the eye. They left soon after.” – soonernotlater1015
“I had a childfree wedding and would have been LIVID if a baby was in attendance. OP is absolutely TA here.” – ieffingloveducks
“OP has revealed herself to be an overly entitled person.”
“And she is actually lucky that the groom’s mother thought enough of her to tell her the truth, so she can now apologize to the couple and maaaaybe she will be invited to other events that the family holds. If she doesn’t, I doubt she will ever be asked back.”
“We invited a couple I knew tangentially to our home for a meal when they were visiting the area. They asked if they could bring their adult daughter who lives near us. Sure, I said, no problem. They later asked if they could bring her puppy. I said no because our dog does not get along with other dogs.”
“They showed up with the dog. We had to lock our dog in a room all day and she barked herself hoarse.”
“We never invited them back and refused all their invitations. When people show me who they are, I believe them. I’ve been burned too many times not to.” – kindcrow
Though the OP felt uncomfortable leaving their baby with someone in order to go to the wedding, the subReddit did not see this as a reason to disregard the wedding invitation, let alone not speak directly to the happy couple about it.
This was absolutely a situation, the subReddit argued, that would have merited not attending. While it would have been unfortunate to miss, it would have been better than being disrespectful on one of the couple’s happiest days of their lives.