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Pregnant Woman Called Out For Refusing To Apologize After Accidentally Puking On Husband’s Cousin

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It’s widely acknowledged that going through pregnancy can change a woman, at least while she is pregnant.

But what happens while they’re pregnant may not always be excusable, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor japalones was surprised when she was criticized for not apologizing for throwing up on her cousin, despite the cousin refusing to put out or move the incense that made her feel nauseous.

But when even her husband encouraged her to apologize, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she let her anger get the best of her.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for throwing up over my husband’s cousin’s head in front of everyone and refusing to apologize?”

The OP didn’t particularly get along with her husband’s cousin.

“I (24 Female) am pregnant and have been violently throwing up.”

“Just to throw this out there, I have a medical condition about the puking, and from what I understand I will be miserable until I give birth.”

“His cousin, Maya (23 Female) is kind of a weirdo. Don’t get me wrong, each to their own, but I think she is a bit too much.”

“She meditates at all hours of the day, like, for example, while everyone else is having dinner.”

“We were over for Christmas and everyone was around the table laughing and she was on the floor with scented candles doing yoga and meditating.”

“She is also vegan and keeps forwarding me research papers to prove that my baby will be healthier if I stop eating meat. She even talked to me about a connection between eating meat and violently throwing up.”

“I am just not up for it, and I do feel like she thinks she is somehow superior because she does all of this.”

“There are many examples of this mildly annoying behavior. Like stopping in the dead of winter while it is snowing in the middle of the street to meditate while touching a tree?? We had to wait 10 minutes in this freezing weather.”

“As it stands, I do feel it is only fair to admit she is not my favorite person.”

The OP thought she could host the family for a visit.

“We finally thought I was a little less miserable and could hold it together so we invited his family over.”

“Everyone was warned, there are two smokers and a teenager that vapes, so we did send out a message warning them about my scent problems.”

“Anyway, they came over, and after 20 minutes, she was on the floor meditating with her scented candles (she brought them in her bag).”

“I felt instantly nauseous as they smell of heavy herbs like a spa would. I asked her to stop or go upstairs but she just didn’t respond. Her mom let me know Maya was focusing and couldn’t speak.”

“I asked again and said it really is making me sick.”

“I went to open a window, God honestly thinking I was fine, but as luck would have it, I turned back and somehow the movement was the final nail in the coffin.”

“Maya had moved since I had last seen her and I ended up throwing up on top of her.”

“She went mental, none of that meditation stuff, screaming that she had meat all over her – jeez, not puke but meat. Like that really mattered.”

“I did not puke on her on purpose. Scout’s honor. I am violently throwing up, I did it once at the dinner table and once while my mom was showing me pictures of my niece. It sucks, it’s humiliating and debilitating and I did not do it on purpose.”

The family called the OP out on what happened.

“Her mom helped her clean up while my husband helped me sit down and gave me some water and went to clean the mess (he is the best).”

“When Maya and her mom came back, her mom just said, ‘Let’s get on with the apology so we can all move on.'”

“I told her I don’t believe I am at fault and I won’t apologize because I asked twice but was ignored.”

“Maya and her mom argued that when she meditates, she cannot be disturbed.”

“We argued some more and they left, the rest of the family awkwardly leaving shortly after.”

“I asked my husband and he just said, ‘I don’t know, babe, I get you. I just think when you puke on someone, you do say sorry, just to be polite.'”

“AITA? I think my temper got the best of me.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some agreed with the OP’s husband’s logic.

“I think your husband is a very wise man.”

“You could say, ‘I’m sorry I puked on you, but you can’t say I didn’t warn you. Next time a pregnant woman tells you that she’s going to be sick, believe her!'”

“ESH.” – SamSpayedPI

“OP, NTA for vomiting because she was warned and it’s very hard to hold in pregnancy puke.”

“But YTA for not apologizing. I agree with your husband. It is only polite to apologize if you throw up on someone. Regardless of the cause.” – zamommie

“Yeah, I do think in 99.99% of situations where an adult vomits on somebody they should apologize but I can’t get over the fact that she lit smelly things that made a pregnant woman nauseous and refused to listen to her in her own home…”

“I just… don’t know if I could apologize to her because it sounds like she was doing it on purpose.”

“If there’s going to be any apology, it should be a bad apology, something like, ‘I’m sorry you brought scented candles into my house and refused to put them out and your actions led to me throwing up on you.'”

“She’s beyond rude and I never thought I would say this about somebody who threw up on somebody and refused to apologize, but OP is NTA.” – haleorshine

“My apology would hit both HER and her clueless MOTHER (who is defending her).”

“First, ‘I am so sorry your mother did not teach you how to behave appropriately as a guest in someone else’s home. I am deeply remorseful regarding your complete lack of training in proper social graces. I am sorry so was unable or unwilling to provide these things for you and you grew up deprived.'”

“Also, ‘I am also deeply apologetic for the fact that I am unable to afford to help pay for the etiquette lessons you and your mother both so desperately need.'” – Pineapple_Mango_13

Others could not believe the cousin’s behavior.

“Cousin can’t speak when she’s focusing to respond to a very reasonable accommodation she had been warned of in advance, because it’s what, a demonstration of her piety or dedication?”

“So she’s dedicated enough to be entitled and rude, but not dedicated enough to focus through being puked on?” – SaturniinaeActias

“I’m utterly confused by this.”

“Why did the cousin come over to YOUR home to light her candles that she brought (weird and rude) to lie on your floor and meditate and ignore everyone?”

“If you’re going to do that, just stay home. How pretentious.” – GiraffeThoughts

“I don’t understand why anyone invites cousin at all. She’s doing this for attention, otherwise, she wouldn’t do stuff like take over other people’s houses or stop in the middle of the street. If she gets run over, it’s going to be her own fault.”

“OP, don’t wait for her when she does this and she can stay out of your house. If she can’t stop ‘meditating’ inappropriately, she can’t come over.” – CeelaC

“Honestly, this is what I’m wondering. Who wants to see princess’s downward dog a** in the air at Christmas dinner!? Talk about pretentious and downright rude.”

“I say ESH because his family allows this nut job to get away with it. Next time she starts setting up candles, pick them up and toss them and her out the door.” – stellablue925

“THIS is why it’s NTA instead of ESH.”

“Like seriously, guys??? This woman came over to OP’S house for a social visit and then proceeds to set up for meditating with smelly candles at a pregnant person’s home?? One that is seriously struggling with violent nausea?”

“Then ignores her when she is asked to either stop or go upstairs (so OP was even kind enough despite her dislike for the guest by trying to offer a different space to continue so OP wouldn’t get sick OR ‘be rude’), so how on earth is this something OP needs to apologize for??”

“H**l, if I had been the one getting thrown up on by a pregnant lady, the LAST thing I would be doing is demanding an apology.”

“The audacity.” – Mental-Woodpecker300

Some empathized with the OP’s nausea.

“Honestly, people can have previously undiagnosed conditions that only rear their ugly heads once they get pregnant, and now it is not only the mother’s life at risk, but also the baby’s.” – ravensfan1214

“I’m pagan, and I wouldn’t let her do her ‘mediating’ in my home. I have asthma and COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). Not only is she disturbing the energies in my home, but the smoke from the candles would also send me into an asthma or COPD attack.

“Who does this?? My apology would have been a very backhanded one, ‘I’m sorry you didn’t respect me enough in my own home to listen when I asked you to stop and it made me sick.'”

“I have a friend who has the same medical issue and has with all three of her pregnancies. She had to have IVs every few days to keep from dehydrating. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. NTA (maybe a soft ESH but you really did try to avoid it).” – Wendilintheweird

“This is what I’m stuck on. This is OP’s home? OP is pregnant and having physical reactions? And hippy chick just breaks out scented candles and plops down on the floor to meditate and ignore everyone? Sorry not sorry, NTA.” – CaRiSsA504

“If someone precipitates a situation that could’ve been avoided by literally just listening to OP’s pleas for consideration of her condition in her own house, I don’t feel they really deserve an apology either, unless they are also giving one.”

“Nowhere does the mom or the vegan chick seem ready to accept that they and their lack of respect are partly to blame here too.” – dumba**ahedratr0n

While the subReddit could reason out why it would be nice to apologize to someone for puking on them, they could also understand why the OP had refused.

She made her condition expressly clear and also asked the cousin multiple times to stop or relocate. By not listening to the pregnant woman of the house, the cousin really set herself up for a meditative disaster, and not of the shadow work kind.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.