We don’t always seek glory and validation when we do things for friends and family.
Even so, we always hope to get even a little recognition when we try to do something nice.
Nor can we help but feel a little hurt, if not downright annoyed, when our efforts to please our friends and family are only met with criticism.
A recent Redditor found herself in charge of one department in the home she shared with her boyfriend.
While she didn’t initially mind, she grew a bit tired of it after becoming solely responsible for it.
Particularly when she was met with anything but gratitude from her boyfriend, she eventually declared an ultimatum.
After getting the cold shoulder from her boyfriend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to cook for my partner anymore?”
The OP explained why they refused to cook for their boyfriend anymore:
“I (28 F[emale]) have been doing almost all the cooking in my household for the past two years.”
“My partner (30 M[ale]) can cook, but he rarely does.”
“I had been taking cooking classes at my local college and in the past in high school for several years.”
“I’ve enjoyed cooking for him, but at this point it’s basically expected.”
“The issue is that no matter what I make, he always has something negative to say.”
“If it’s healthy, it’s ‘too bland’.”
“If it’s indulgent, it’s ‘not good for him’.”
“If I try a new recipe, he says it’s ‘not something he’d ask for’.”
“He’ll also add salt, hot sauce, or something else before even tasting it, then joke about how it needs ‘fixing’ Last week, after I spent over an hour cooking, he took one bite and said, ‘It’s okay, but you should’ve done it differently’.”
“I snapped and told him I’m done cooking for him.”
“I said I’ll cook for myself, but he can handle his own meals from now on.”
“I don’t think it’s fair to keep putting in effort just to be criticized, but now he’s upset and acting like I’m the problem.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to cook for her boyfriend any longer.
Everyone agreed that not only should the OP no longer cook for her boyfriend, but many even felt she should leave the relationship altogether:
“NTA.”
“Let him be upset. You were doing him a favour, and he decided to disrespect you.”
“He knows that he’s being rude, he doesn’t care.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s doing this as a way to assert some kind of stupid power trip to get you to ‘cater’ to him.”
“Start cooking for yourself, and make sure it’s portions for one.”
“Honestly, I’d even get a food lock box and store leftovers in there to really drive the point.”
“If he keeps complaining, I’d be saccharine sweet and say something along the lines of ‘sorry, honey, since you were never happy about my cooking, I figured I’d give you some rest from it.”
“Every time.”
“Let him FAFO.”- Few_Picture_2415
“NTA.”
“The cooking is not the real problem.”
“He is simply unkind and ungrateful.”
“He’s trying to make you jump through hoops to get his impossible approval.”
“Is this how you want to live?”- Maximum-Company2719
“NTA.”
“Man doesn’t like the food someone is going to the trouble of fixing, he can fix his own food.”
“I’m curious, though: is this the only bad behavior he displays?”
“Does he minimize and criticize anything else you do?”- CrazyOldBag
“NTA.”
“But he’s negging you.”
“Does he do this with other things as well?”- humanoid6938
“NTA.”
“There’s polite, constructive criticism, then there’s that.”- Oh_Hae
“NTA.”
“He’s doing it on purpose.”
“I’m betting he gives you a lot of little critiques in an attempt to keep you down.”
“Let him make his own food.”- mandysreality
“NTA.”
‘I know it’s cliché to say leave your partner, but do you really want to be instantly criticized like this forever?”- PaladiinDM
“NTA.”
“First discouraging comment would have been his last meal from me.”- LLUrDadsFave
“You are NTA! He sounds ungrateful and picky!”
“Let him cook his own meals, or make him cook for both of you instead!”- Separate_Ad_8639
“NTA.”
“He sucks.”
“He’s beating you down because he is grumpy or whatever.”
“He’s supposed to lift you up.”
“I would not cook either.”- BraveRefrigerator552
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t cook for him either.”
“He’s being an a**.”- ChicagoWhiteSox35
“NTA.”
“So… he is upset and acting like you are the problem.”
“So what!”
“Let him be upset and think whatever he wants– while he makes his own food!”
“Your opinion and feelings count, too.”
“And you are upset and think he is the problem.”
“Tell him to write his own post explaining things from his POV and ask us AITA — and we will show him who is the problem!”- willowviolet
“So ungrateful, and so rude!”
“NTA at all.”- NickiTikki
“NTA.”
“No one deserves to be treated in such a way.”
“I would never cook for him again either.”- minionofjoy
“NTA.”
“But he is.”
“If he doesn’t like what you cook, he can make his own, and as an adult, he damn well should.”
“Sounds like he is being either deliberately mean or maybe, I don’t know, was never taught how to be a good life partner?”
“Always having a negative comment is a pretty big red flag.”
“There’s that old golden rule: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.”
“For him, not you.”
“My ex was like that, too.”
“You didn’t make him say negative things to you.”
“And you don’t sound like the problem to me.”
“In a partnership, duties are supposed to be shared.”
“And that goes for couples where one makes more money, too.”
“Like if he didn’t have a partner, he’d still need to clean his living environment and feed himself.”
“So just because you two are together doesn’t mean he gets a free pass.”
“And if something isn’t working?”
“Changes need to be made.”
“He’s been happy enough to eat what you’ve made even while complaining about it?”
“That’s pretty messed up.”
“So you don’t ‘owe’ it to him to cook for him, especially as he has been dinging your efforts.”- AnieMoose
“NTA.”
“Putting hot sauce on food before you’ve even tasted it is so insulting!”
“Especially if it was made by someone who loves you.”- Ok-Refrigerator
“NTA at all.”
“But your partner sure is.”
“Is he just like this with you about food or does he do this about other things as well?”
“If it isn’t just food, ask yourself why you put up with this crap.”
“A loving and respectful partner wouldn’t act this way.”
“Hell, even if it is just with the food, why is he speaking to you this way?”
“And why do you suffer it?”
“Ask yourself that and then figure out if you want to subject yourself to this for decades.”- Katkitluv33
“NTA, and let your ungrateful partner cook for himself from now on, including shopping for his own food.”
“I understand having different tastes, but he should have said he appreciated your efforts and tell you he needed to tweak the food to his liking.”- CuriousMindedAA
“NTA.”
“He wants to cut you down and make you feel inferior!”
“Sorry, babe, but lose him and cook food you love for yourself.”
“You won’t regret it.”- Green-Window
“NTA.”
“My ex-husband, who enjoyed my cooking at the beginning of our relationship, turned critical when things started to go bad between us.”
“So I quit cooking for him.”- CrystalTwylyght
“NTA.”
“Do not cook for him.”
“Do not cave in.”
“At a minimum.”
“Don’t make him anything for 2 months so he gets the full experience of doing it all.”
“Maybe he’ll love to cook, and you’ll find yourself catered to for a change.”
“And please do not wash his dirty dishes from cooking.”
“He sounds like an ungrateful mooch.”- OnlineCasinoWinner
“NTA.”
“You’re the wife, not a maid.”- Outrageous-Elk6177
“NTA.”
“There’s no way I could live w/a person like that.”- MakalakaPeaka
“NTA.”
“Does he suck in other ways too?”- inductiononN
“Lmao NTA.”
“Crazy that you had to come here wondering about it.”- LaughAlternative6327
“Look, this is for the best. You CLEARLY don’t like my cooking. There has not been one single dish I’ve made this entire time that you’ve said good things about. You’ve hated everything I made. So I’m going to save us both the misery and release you from the obligation to choke down my inferior cooking. You will never again have one of my horrible, inedible meals on your plate. You are free to cook whatever you used to cook for yourself before I was in the picture.”
“And if he admits he likes your cooking, go hell for leather on calling out the negging about it and tell him you STILL won’t cook for him bc he doesn’t deserve it now.”
“NTA.”- CMeNaught
It seems the OP’s boyfriend is very picky about his food.
Leaving one to wonder why he doesn’t simply prepare it himself.
If this is the way he treats the OP, chances are he may be doing that sooner than he thinks, whether he wants to or not.