For all the joy that comes with expecting a child, it also brings more than it's fair share of obstacles.
Including planning for the baby's arrival.
In addition to all getting all the necessities for the baby, more often than not, substantial changes need to be made within the household.
Sometimes including some painful sacrifices.
Redditor TheGnarlyNut was expecting her first child with her fiancé.
Ahead of the baby's arrival, the original poster (OP)'s fiancé felt some necessary changes were needed, and got the ball rolling on making them happen.
Changes the OP would never have approved of had she been asked.
After a somewhat tense exchange with her fiancé, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not rehoming my dog?"
The OP explained how her fiancé "blindsided" her ahead of the arrival of their baby:
"I (30 F[emale]) am engaged to my fiance (33 M[ale])."
"I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and we live together."
"We are purchasing a larger house together in August."
"When we met I had my dog, she is a 6 year old mutt."
"At first they did not get along well, but over the years they have grown closer and I thought everything was fine."
"I'll be the first to admit that my dog can be difficult."
"She is reactive and takes a while to warm up, but she is always well behaved for people she knows."
"Last night my fiancé showed me a profile he had created to re-home her."
"He had photos and a biography all ready to go."
"This caught me off guard as it has not been a topic of conversation since the beginning of our relationship."
"I did not react well and told him that this is not something I would consider."
"He is worried that our dog will be badly behaved towards our baby."
"I do not think this is fair."
'I have young family members (including babies and toddlers) and she has never had any bad reaction towards any of them."
"They have been in the same house for weeks at a time and there was never an issue."
"He even said that 'it wont feel good to say I told you so'."
"I feel bad for dismissing his concerns, but I felt blindsided by everything."
"I also did not like how he went about it."
"Having the profile ready instead of just bringing it up to me."
"AITAH for not wanting to re-home my dog despite my fiances concerns?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP's anger was justified.
Some even felt that this was a big enough betrayal to justify ending this relationship, as many feared the OP's fiancé would likely go ahead with rehoming their dog without telling her:
"My ex-husband took our young dog with hip dysplasia to the animal shelter with no warning, and then lied about where he took her."
"I found out when I saw her in the Adopt-A-Pet segment on the morning local news."
"EX-Husband, note."- NuthouseAntiques
"This is a man who will say your dog ran away when you’re not home."- boomzgoesthedynamite
"NTA."
'Be careful."
"Your dog might just accidentally disappear some day."
"He put a lot of thought into this."
"I don't trust him at all."
"Our dogs, who were jerks, loved our babies."
"He just does not like dogs."
'You have to be careful and diligrnt with animals and babies, especially toddlers."- daisyiris
"MICRO CHIP THE DOG TO ONLY YOUR NAME!"
"My ex tried to steal and get rid of my dog multiple times!"
"I would report this to your local police just in case he tries to get rid of the dog when you’re out one day."- Capable-Blacksmith60
"Does your dog have a chip so you can prove he is yours in case your fiance rehomes the dog?"
"Make sure the dog is registered to you, also at the vet."
"If he were my dog I would break up with this fiancé and, until all locks are changed, let the dog stay with a trusted relative."
"Starting the process to re-home your dog without your permission is a breach of trust, I do not think this can be repaired."
"I’m sorry you have to deal with this."- Winter_Dot_9393
"NTA."
"This relationship is over."
"He's going to re home your dog whether you want him to or not."
"One day that dog will be gone when you come home, and he'll say it's for the baby's sake."
"End the relationship now."
"Do not buy that house."
"It shows what you're going to be dealing with in the marriage."- WxaithBrynger
"Oh he is gonna give you an ultimatum one day, the dog or him and i hope you choose the dog."
"I don't trust him the way he went about this is dishonest."
"NTA."- gdr-Tt-jugb
"NTA."
"His concerns are valid to an extent, but the way he went about it is not."
"It feels like he's just been waiting for an opportunity to pressure you into rehoming your dog, and thought that if he showed you everything all ready to go, you wouldn't be able to say no."
"Manipulative and weird."
"I'm sure you'll take precautions and keep the baby and dog separate, introduce them slowly, etc."
"If the dog has never been reactive/aggressive around children before, I don't think there's any need to jump to rehoming her."- Classic-Wafer-7838
"I would make a profile for rehoming the fiancé."
"NTA."- Brief_Course664
''I mean a child shouldn't be left unattended with any pet, even with the sweetest temperament."
"The use of barriers like baby gates, safe places like playpens, and a pack and play or similar for baby to be in without being bothered should be the default in homes with pets."
"There are ways to make the adjustment easier for your pet and safer for everyone involved."
"I would start working on 'house rules' that may be required with baby, such as my dog loved to lay on me constantly, so we made it a habit for him to lay against my leg or beside me on the couch/rocking chair etc."
"And from day 1, the nursery always had a baby gate on it so he was only in there when I was supervising."
"NTA for being upset about their plan."
"If they have concerns about the dog, it should be a conversation instead of one person steamrolling the decision."
"There are some pets where safety is a legitimate concern, but it is rare, and with some time before baby's arrival you may be able to work with a behaviorist, start a training program, or discuss medications with your vet if it's anxiety related."
"Its not fair for one person to dictate the pet has to go without any actual evidence the pet is a danger."- Wayward-Soul
'Sounds like he's always hated the dog and wanted it to go from the start of your relationship."
"I'm sorry you got involved with him and are now connected for life."- Ok-Kick2908
"What do you mean by 'reactive' and 'difficult'?
"Of your dog is really as difficult as you say or gets scary when 'reactive' he might be in the right here."
"He only made a profile to make things easier on you if you agreed."
"I certainly would make sure this dog is microchipped, and depending on the level of reactivity and difficulty you should probably have the dog trained or sent to stay with a family member the first month after you bring home the baby."
"He has valid concerns, I wouldn’t want a reactive and difficult dog after giving birth either."
"You’re going to be incredibly exhausted, more than you’ve ever been, you’re going to feel like shit, the baby is going to need essentially allll of your attention."
"If your dog is difficult how will that transition be?"
"You might need to be realistic here and come up with some compromises."
"Like doggy training and sending the dog off to a family member for a little while."
"Also, microchip your dog asap if not already."- Capable_Front_7886
"NTA."
"Do NOT leave your dog alone with him because he will re-home her or take her to a shelter the moment he has the opportunity."
'Leave him ASAP."- Snoo_18579
The fact that the OP's fiancé would do this without telling her first does make one worry what else he might do without telling her.
Ending a relationship while still expecting a child is a very serious decision indeed.
On sad but rare occasions, though, it is the only choice.
And this may sadly be one of those occasions...
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