Despite what is often said about them, having a roommate can be a wonderful experience.
That is until the roommates start to want different things, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
To help his girlfriend out, Redditor doggoluvr1203 agreed to let her girlfriend’s brother to stay with him.
But when the siblings demanded he rehome his dog, the Original Poster (OP) had second thoughts.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for ‘choosing my dog over my family’ by refusing to accommodate my girlfriend’s brother?”
The OP wanted to help his girlfriend out by letting her brother live with him.
“I (23 Male) lived with my girlfriend ‘Ann’ (22 Female) and my dog ‘Bo.'”
“Recently Ann’s brother ‘Al’ (25 Male) got laid off from work and couldn’t afford to pay rent anymore.”
“Ann asked if Al could stay with us and I didn’t see why not. Ann isn’t on speaking terms with her parents, and I assumed Al probably also wasn’t and didn’t have another place to go.”
“Plus I really loved Ann, and I wanted to show her how important she was to me.”
But the favor came with a tall order.
“Here is the issue: Ann told me Al had a mild dog allergy.”
“When I initially spoke with both of them, I said I would do my best to accommodate but would not, under any circumstances, get rid of Bo.”
“Both understood, and Al said his allergy wasn’t too bad.”
“Al moved in and to be honest, he wasn’t a great roommate. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to move out, as he spent most of his time sleeping and playing video games instead of looking for work.”
“He didn’t pitch in for chores and let laundry pile up in his room, then acted confused when I told him he had to do his own laundry.”
“He ate the food we cooked but did not help with cooking or buying groceries. Worst, he ordered lots of fast food for himself and left wrappers, bags, and old food in his room which made the whole apartment smell.”
The situation led to an ultimatum.
“After a month or so, Al said his allergies were getting worse and asked me to consider putting Bo in a shelter.”
“I said absolutely not, but Ann said we should consider getting rid of Bo to accommodate her brother’s needs.”
“I said no, and we would not be discussing this further.”
“She called me TA for ‘choosing my dog over my family.'”
“That’s when I snapped. I said Al is not family and he has been nothing but a hassle for the past month, and that if she wants to babysit her older brother, she can find her own place.”
“She has no legal right to stay here because my name is on the lease and I pay rent (Ann is in grad school and does not make enough money to afford a decent apartment on her own).”
“She tried again to convince me that I should prioritize Al over Bo, so I gave her an ultimatum. Either Al is gone in twenty-four hours, or I kick BOTH of them out. Bo stays no matter what.”
“Both have since moved out, and while Ann and I are not officially broken up, I haven’t heard from her in a few days.”
The OP felt resolved in his decision.
“I know this may sound harsh, but Bo IS my family. He has been with me through some of my hardest times, and he is a rescue, which means he was already abandoned once, and I will NOT let that happen again.”
“I feel nothing for Al and, while I thought I loved Ann, her willingness to get rid of someone I love as much as her, made my feelings change.”
“When I explained this to my parents and sister, however, they said I should have at least considered getting rid of Bo to accommodate Al, and that they could even take care of Bo themselves, so he didn’t have to go to a shelter.”
“They said if I saw Ann as family, which I did at one point, I should be able to make sacrifices. But that was a sacrifice I wasn’t willing to make.”
“Does that make me TA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right and took issue with Ann’s selfishness.
“NTA. Everything you said was accurate.”
“Honestly, y’all aren’t together anymore. Kicking her out was breaking up with her, and good for you! She’s clearly heartless to consider putting your dog in a shelter for a lame roommate who could’ve taken an allergy pill.” – phenomstar
“The question at hand was whether or not you are sucker enough to accept that your girlfriend doesn’t demand that her brother pitch in enough to satisfy the head of the household.”
“Evidently, you gave it a chance. It was never going to get any better. He wasted his chance to get up and stand on his own two feet.”
“You’ll find another love; one with more sense.” – Adventurous-Team-317
“He’s a temporary guest who is being helped out, he isn’t a long-term partner or lodger. You don’t even contemplate such a change for a temporary person you’re helping out.”
“If dude’s allergies were that bad, he could have got off his a** and found a job and moved out within the last month.” – cali20202020
“I have cat and dog allergies and currently live with two cats. ‘Just take a pill’ is not going to work for everyone, but you know what would have improved the situation? If Al got off his a** and washed his clothes and bedding, swept/vacuumed the floors, and dusted regularly to minimize his exposure to dog hair and dander.”
“If he wasn’t up for that, Ann could have done it if she was truly concerned for his health. They could also put a humidifier in his room and get or make an air purifier (corsi-rosenthal boxes are super simple to put together and putting one in my bedroom and one in my home office drastically improved my allergies).”
“If neither of them is willing to take any measures to mitigate the allergens in the household before jumping straight to ‘get rid of your dog’ when OP set that as a clear boundary before Al moved in and is the only one on the lease and paying for the majority of the expenses, kicking them out was the right thing to do.” – Wynfleue
Others thought the girlfriend and brother also had ulterior motives all along.
“I’m pretty sure neither the girlfriend nor the brother thought of this as temporary, either. They seemed complacent to both want to live off OP, while trying to force his dog out of the house. Pretty sure OP would quickly become both of their ATMs.” – loulabug247
“I’m thinking the brother intended to stay. Push the dog out, and then brother can be like, ‘Oh well, the dog’s already gone so I might as well just stay.” Glad he saw through that and kicked them out.” – Putrid_Performer2509
“Asking your HOST to get rid of their pet, to people expecting big Christmas presents from others to wanting other people’s money just because, ‘Well, they have it and I don’t,’ to popping up announced to stay with someone during the holidays for a freaking month and so on.”
“The OP here also should realize that by the girlfriend and her brother asking him to get rid of his dog, they both planned on the brother being there for a long time.” – Money-Bear7166
“They were BOTH living there for free, you’d think they’d be super grateful. And his girlfriend would be pushing her brother to get a job ASAP and basically thanking her boyfriend every day. Good thing this happened and he saw who she really was.” – kat_192
“This perspective also indicates what was actually going on here: ex-girlfriend’s brother’s actual plan was for OP to support him indefinitely. They didn’t account for OP having a nice strong spine.” – stumblios
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“A lot has happened in the past couple of days, and I want to share that with you.”
“First, I officially broke up with Ann. My parents have since apologized to me. Apparently, they didn’t realize the extent of my living situation with Ann and Al and thought I would only be getting rid of Bo for a few weeks. They even gave me money for changing my locks and installing a fancy security system.”
“Lastly, this whole experience made me think there are many dogs out there who have been cast aside for reasons similar to this, so not only am I keeping Bo, but I’m planning on adopting a second dog from a local shelter. My next girlfriend will be told upfront that I am a dog lover significant other kind of guy.”
The subReddit was ready to riot over the girlfriend and brother wanting the OP to get rid of his dog, especially with everything they’d been through together. If the brother saw the dog living there as an issue, he shouldn’t have moved in in the first place.