The melding of a future spouse with your family is an important step in marriage. If your family is particularly important to you, you want your future spouse to get along with them.
Redditor Throwawayfamily976 is trying to get her family to respect her future spouse but has encountered some issued. The situation has gotten so bad that the original poster (OP) has uninvited members of her family from her wedding.
Not everyone is happy with this, and OP is now questioning her choice. So she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about the situation.
OP couldn’t be more upset with her family.
“AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank?”
But is she overreacting?
“I f(emale)22 grew up in a family where men prank and tease each others. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some ‘tests’ to see what ‘type’ of man Tim is.”
“They’ve done stuff like forcing him to play chess 4 times in a raw, secretly slashed his tires to see if he’d fix it himself like a man or get help like those ‘lazy’ guys, They’d asked him questions like what joke he’d like to tell his future MIL, his opinions on abortion, jesus, gender equality etc.”
“They also tested his fishing and hunting skills, overwhelmed him with hypothetical scenarios to test his decision making abilities/mental strength. They kept calling him slow and soft but he has medical condition (asthma) but they think he’s making ‘excuses’.”
“I demanded they stop, but dad said this is just typical stuff men challenge each others with and said that I was ruining the fun.”
“Last week, They took Tim on a 3 day trip and hid his inhaler, he left them and returned in 7hrs and told me, I was seething after he said they admitted to hiding it as a ‘challenge’, I exploded on them when they returned.”
“Cousin asked if ‘little timmy ran to me to tattle’. I yelled that all 4 of them are uninvited to my wedding. My brother freaked out saying it was a prank and they were going to give it back, Dad said they’ll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they’d gained for him and in their eyes will always be ‘the soft college kid’ who’s not up for the challenge.”
“I called him and the others awful then I left.”
“My cousin is begging that we talk, my uncle has been quiet, but dad is so mad and now he’s getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. But I keep refusing to re invite them.”
“Mom is saying I’m exaggerating and should let bygones be bygones and not let this ruin my relationship with my family.”
“AITA? For making it my hill to die on or am I exaggerating?”
OP is concerned for how her family treated her future husband, but is uninviting them a step too far?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for her reaction to the ‘pranks’ by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
What OP’s family did was beyond simple pranks. At worst, it was dangerous for Tim’s health. Even times when they weren’t withholding his inhaler, they did horrible things like slash his tires.
This is all a step too far, and OP was right to take a stand.
“NTA. This doesn’t sound like pranking but more like bullying. Who slashes tyres as a prank? Or messes with someone’s health as a prank? Just they just seem like big bullies to me.”
“In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me this is not what we do! Pranking is meant to be HARMLESS fun. None of these are harmless.”
“Edited to say I am a woman who has asthma as well. The feeling you get when you need your inhaler is awful.”
“It’s not a feeling I would wish on anyone! And to also add that they’re belittling his mental health too. Aren’t we trying to advocate for mens mental health?”
“Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. They don’t need to be all ‘macho’ and emotionally stunted like your dad and family seem to be. Men’s mental health is important! And stick up for your fiancé.”
“My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we’d have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on.”
“My brother would probably fight someone over slashing his tires.” – NyxiesPuppet
“Yea those are pranks. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner.”
“Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. I wonder how long they would have hid the inhaler if he started having an emergency.” – bean_town_kappa
“They shouldn’t come. Their ‘pranks’ went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma.”
“Not only would I keep them disinvited, I’d go no contact completely.” – CrystalQueen3000
“Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn’t want to drive a wedge between me and my family.” – Throwawayfamily976 (OP)
“NTA. They aren’t pranking him, they are bullying him. TPing a house is a prank. Hiding lifesaving medication is not a prank, not even if they say they were going to give it back.”
“Lots of things can go wrong and they have no idea how big it can be until it hits them on the head.”
“You don’t invite your bullies to your wedding. I’m sorry but the men in your family have a very toxic view of masculinity.”
“Having a chronic condition doesn’t make you less of a man. Your fiancè is a trooper for putting up with them.” – EveryBlackberry1477
While OP’s choice to uninvite her family is the right move, the commenters have another issue with OP. Namely, how did something like this go on for so long?
It’s not like these ‘pranks’ were subtle or harmless. They’re terrible and have been going on for a long time.
If there’s a reason to call OP an AH, it’s because she didn’t try to stop this sooner.
“Dude yta for allowing this to go on as long as it has. Your poor fiancé has been suffering. He has asthma and they could have killed him the first time they took it.”
“How was that not it for you? Or the time they slashed his tired??? Thats some psycho sh**. How he didn’t dip after that I just don’t understand.”
“Apologize to this man. You’ve subjected him to a lot and you’ve let A LOT slide. Too much.”
“The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. violence isn’t just physical aggression against an individual.) acts against the man you claim to love.” – pizzaisapie69
“Agreed. This guy should dump her and her toxic family and marry in to a family of decent human beings.”
“Uninviting them to the wedding is the least thing, they’re just going to retaliate for their whole lives.” – MissionCreeper
“YTA for allowing it to get this far. Managing your family is your job, and you were somehow ok with the constant insults, belittling questions, slashing of tires, etc.”
“You continued to expose your fiance to this bullshit and not call a hard stop to it. Honestly, if I were your fiance, I’d have left when you showed through your actions that’s it’s ok for your family to SLASH HIS TIRES.”
“No, they had to literally endanger his life and/or health before you took this seriously.”
“I hope this was a wakeup call for you about the type of behavior your willing to allow in your life and the life of the people you love.”
“Are you going to allow these people around your future children? I hope not.” – Elver86
“Like wtf did I just read. She let them slash his tires? YTA. He deserves better than a spineless wife but that’s just my opinion.” – Fragrant_Cherry_1852
“I agree!! I can’t believe how many people are saying NTA. He deserves so much better honestly.” – Sea_Information_6134
“NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fiancé to any of these people again.”
“Look: I know it’s hard to discover that the way you grew up isn’t actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each other’s sickness.”
“You need to take your fiancé and get the hell away from the pack, because they’re already turning on you now that you’re stepping out of line and it will only get more vicious.”
“The wedding is just the first step, OP. You can’t be around these people at all, and you sure as hell can’t ask Tim to risk his health and safety for the sake of pretending that your family is just a little quirky or whatever.” – MollyRolls
OP needs to make the right choice to protect her fiancé from her horrible family.
That’s not to say pranks have no place in relationships, but they should be tailored to the person, and clear lines drawn about what is acceptable.