Parenting is a long, hard job.
Unfortunately, it’s not a paying gig.
But somebody has to work right?
Who works, and who stays home with the kids can become a chaotic situation when everyone isn’t on the same page about responsibilities.
Expectations not discussed calmly can be a problem.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaySarah7 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my husband because he laughed when I told him to reheat his own dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For context… I’m a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om] with 2 kids (3 years old and 6 months old).”
“My husband is an ambulance driver, he works odd hours and comes home unexpectedly.”
“He expects dinner or lunch ready whenever he gets home, whether I’m sleeping or busy with the kids.”
“It’s exhausting but do it because I know how hard he works.”
“After struggling with this for long, my mom suggested that I start pre-making meals so that dinner or lunch can be ready when he’s home, all he’s gotta do is just reheat it.”
“I immediately got to it and went grocery shopping and spent an entire 2 days making meals and storing them in the fridge.”
“His response to this idea is ‘whatever.'”
“I was sort of relieved cause now I could sleep properly, the kids care won’t get interrupted etc.”
“Well, at 11pm last night, he comes home while I’m sleeping after putting the baby to sleep.”
“I wake up to him shouting for me from the living room.”
“I rush out and ask what was happening and he tells me he’s hungry and wants dinner.”
“I tell him it’s in the fridge and just needs to be reheated and he didn’t have to wake me up for it.”
“He tells me I need to go reheat it for him.”
“I say no, not happening and he needs to reheat his own dinner.”
“He starts laughing sarcastically which got me mad.”
“He then tells me I’m ridiculous to assume that after working non stop for an entire shift that he should be ‘expected’ to do a chore like reheat dinner himself, when I’m here and I can do it.”
“I start arguing with him after he complains I’m not doing enough and refuse to reheat it then I go back inside the bedroom and shut the door.”
“He comes in an hour later yelling about how I’ve basically made him almost pass out from hunger just cause I’m petty trying to prove a point.”
“I tell him he’s being unreasonable to expect me to reheat his dinner when he could do it himself.”
“He gives me a nasty look then tells me he’s going to bed hungry and I’m responsible for this then heads out.”
“This morning he silently gets dressed and leaves while turning his phone off.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“OP. NTA. STOP. This is not about food.”
“This is about control, this is about respect.”
“This is not something you’re going to be able to handle on your own.”
“You and your husband need neutral professional assistance to navigate this discussion.”
“The behavior your husband is demonstrating is absolutely atrocious, it is disrespectful and unloving.”
“What is your dynamic that he feels it’s acceptable to be yelling where he could wake up children?”
“And why does he feel it’s acceptable to yell from a different room to wake you up?”
“This is the behavior of a child not a full grown adult nor a respectful adult.”
“If everything you said is true then I have to ask why are you in this relationship?”
“He’s yelling from another room throwing a hissy fit to wake everybody up in the house and get attention?”
“Then he’s punishing himself and won’t eat in the name of being angry with you?”
“I do not recommend trying to have these conversations with him because you are both going to lose it.”
“But if this is going to be a long-term permanent relationship for you you need help because this type of behavior does not improve on its own.”
“Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and the upvotes.”
“You get enough trips around the sun and eventually you figure things out.”
“Hoping somebody else will take your advice and not have to learn the hard way.”
“OP… Please take strength in all of the people that are weighing in here on all of the comments to your post, they all want to help you.”
“If you haven’t realized it by now….”
“OP This is not about you, this is about him and his issues.”
“OP if you get a minute we’d love you to give us an update and let us know what you’re thinking, we’re here for you.” ~ CTDV8R
“You are SO right.”
“My whole being is shaking right now after reading the OP.”
“Trauma that I thought was healed is screaming right now.” ~ REDDIT
“I remember a post on here a couple of years ago where the wife was the sahm and one night her partner came home and told her to make him something to eat.”
“I can’t remember the full details but either she told him to heat something up or he didn’t like what she made but this part I definitely remember.”
“She took the food and split it into the two dog bowls, which the dogs loved and she went back to bed.”
“It was both petty and perfect.”
“They ended up having a discussion the next day and she made it clear that while she’s the sahm and is happy to cook and do chores, he is not to disrespect/take advantage of her like that.”
“They had a good long chat and he ended up taking a more active role in the kids lives as well, like taking them to sports etc.”
“Somehow I don’t think op is going to have a happy ending like this.”
“Her partner has got used to her being his servant and he has zero respect for her.”
“I definitely think they need couple’s counselling but I don’t know if he will go for that.”
“He could be the type to dig his heels in and say that because he provides the money.”
“She should provide everything else without question.”
“Obviously we know that’s crap and unrealistic but he’s not going to want to give up his sweet deal.”
“If he doesn’t get his head out of his a**, sooner or later op will snap and divorce him.” ~ PaddyCow
“A friend of mine is a paramedic and he would never act this way.”
“She’s currently at home on maternity leave with their child and he still comes home and cooks or meal preps just so his wife can get some rest.”
“OP, you’re NTA.”
“Your husband sucks and is definitely abusive.”
“You need to figure this out ASAP cause it’s only going to get worse.”
“What disgusting behavior.” ~ Black_Jiren
“This. OP, don’t forget that you are working as well.”
“Getting to come home and not have to do anything except put your pre-prepared, home-cooked meal in the microwave is a seriously good deal.”
“If doesn’t like it, he can be a single man who works and then keeps his own house.”
“Be careful though, because the whole thing sounds like it’s more about controlling you and keeping you in your place than it is about food or chores.” ~ Captain_Quoll
“OP he expects you to be brainwashed into doing everything for him.”
“His world has been knocked off kilter because your mom helped gave you a solution that you implemented that showed him you aren’t as in control as he thought you were.”
“He’s going to be angry with you until you beg him not to be and go back to running yourself into the ground to make him fresh meals every time he wants you to.”
“Do not give in to him.”
“You are still independent from him and have a support system with your mom.”
“If you are going to try and make this work this is a compromise HE has to make.”
“But I doubt he will.”
“Tell everyone you can about this behavior now so that you have someone else to gauge his reactions and changes and will have a person to rely on when or if he blows up at you.”
“You still have the power here. Remember that.”
“As soon as you falter he will notice and take advantage of your guilt in this situation.”
“I agree with the comments saying you need to go but I know it’s never that easy.”
“Stay strong and have someone in your corner always.” ~ Hulkemo
“This is absolutely control.”
“He spent more time and energy complaining about something than the minute of effort to do it himself.”
“An ambulance driver is a pretty low salary to be supporting a SAHM and his children.”
“OP, is there a real reason you cannot work so you have financial independence from him? NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“I’m also a SAHM with kids about the same age as OP and my husband is a first responder.”
“Not only does he fix his own meals for work, but he helps me feed our oldest and sometimes me because I haven’t sat down all day.”
“If he B was alone he would not only reheat his own food, but he’d prepare it, too.”
“I agree with the above post that OP needs help.”
“Maybe go stay with her mom with the kids?”
“Let him take care of himself for a few days.” ~ justusfam
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Sounds like you may need to reach out for some help.
You’re doing what you need to do.
Hopefully this can be resolved peacefully.
Good luck.