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Man Refuses To Visit His Sister After She Named Her Baby After His Deceased Son ‘Out Of Spite’

Woman putting flowers at a gravestone.
Marcus Lindstrom/Getty Images

How the people you care about react to your triumphs is telling.

But even more telling is how they respond to your tragedies.

A 34-year-old man is dealing with his family’s reaction to a devastating event in his life. While he felt justified in his response, his family didn’t agree so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor ThrowAway777093 asked:

“AITA For not visiting my sister when she named her newborn after my deceased son?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“This has been going on for some time. My wife (F29) and I (M34) lost our son when he was only 6 weeks old.”

“It was devastating because this was our first baby together. My wife had multiple miscarriages and we prayed for this pregnancy to work and be healthy but all of that ended when his soul left in May 2020.”

“Though we didn’t get to spend so much time with him we miss him dearly. My wife says he had my nose which she thought was cute.”

“She talks about him in details like she still sees his face clearly. There are just so many emotions we’re dealing with but I try to keep myself busy with reading poems and talking to people with similar experiences.”

“My family is in the picture. They visit all the time, but I’ve gone no contact with my sister because she was disrespectful of me and my wife and showed no support in the middle of our struggle.”

“She kept saying that something was wrong with my wife. Made backhanded comments about how it was our fault and that we should get right with God and ask for forgiveness.”

“She used the fact that my wife’s first miscarriage was deserved since she was pregnant before we got married.”

“Then right after my son’s death while My sister was pregnant with her second child she told us she’d name her baby after our son this hurt my wife so much I told my sister no.”

“As she clearly was just doing it out of spite but she got my parents involved saying she wanted to honor our son’s memory and ended up going no contact after I was put under a lot of pressure from my parents.”

“She gave birth to her baby this past week. My parents were visiting and told us that I should work things out with my sister.”

“Saying she meant well and that she named her son after ours to honor him my wife started crying and went inside the bedroom. I was so mad I told them my sister was just trying to do this out of spite but they told me that I was being bitter and ‘ungrateful’ and saw nothing wrong with having a replacement grandbaby.”

“My wife is upset since my sister used our son’s name to honor him when she doesn’t even respect us. She never said sorry nor tried to fix the situation and is now using my son’s name to get back at me for cutting her out.”

“The whole family are saying that I should visit her with my wife and act like we’re a happy family. They’ve been telling me that I’m starting to look bad and that I should fix my relationship with my sister soon.”

“My mom didn’t stop insisting and is now talking to my wife who’s feeling uncomfortable with this whole situation.”

Redditors were asked to weigh in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. I hate it when people do that. The whole lot of them deserve to get cut off and know exactly why they are getting cut off.”

“Your parents are a-holes for not even trying to talk her out of this spitefulness.”

“Replacement grandbaby?!?! That’s sooo messed up.”

“The moment you say it’s to honor after being told no is just to be spiteful. No other way about it.” ~ Nebsy_Websy

“This is a situation where cutting both his sister and his parents off would absolutely be warranted.”

“The sheer cruelty of it just about took my breath away.” ~ Crazed-Sanity

“Anyone who ever. Ever. Ever. Says that a parent’s baby dying was ‘deserved’ can f’k right off this planet.”

“I don’t care if the mother was literally [pure evil]. No excuse for saying something so incredibly vicious.” ~ MaraiDragorrak

“OP, you and your wife just lost your child. My heart aches for you. I’m so so sorry.”

“Please do not let ANY of these people in your life right now. Please! For your sake and your wife’s.”

“My comment will be removed if I say what I feel about your [sister] but the rest are just as bad for allowing her ridiculous behavior. Take time for yourselves and grieve in peace.”

“Maybe someday if you get sincere, heartfelt apologies…but until then, no. Cut them all off completely.” ~ shaybabe80

“I’d go nuclear personally, NTA at all.”

“‘Mom, I know nephew is not to blame, which is why I’m being clear. I blame sister’.”

“The name we were going to celebrate for the rest of our lives is now a bitter reminder. And the fact that sister now uses that name isn’t an honor, it’s a curse’.”

“She told us we deserve this, that it was our fault. How is that honor?'” ~ jeremythespider

“NTA. If she truly just wanted to honor your son, she would have respected your wishes not to name her kid after him.”

“There are so many things a ‘godly’ person can do to show respect for the deceased.”

“She could have made a donation in his name to a charity that researches his cause of death. She could have added his name to a prayer list.”

“She could have purchased a star and named it after him. Above all, she could have shown some decency and respect to YOU, his parents.” ~ Keboyd88

The OP’s future relationship with his sister and his parents is unclear, but he can rest assured his fellow Redditors feel his actions have been justified.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.