When two people fall in love and consider getting married, the dream is that their families will love and happily accept them, and that their families will blend together beautifully.
But it doesn’t always work out that way, admitted the saddened users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Wonderful_Phase7375 knew that his sister did not like his wife and also did not approve of their marriage, stating that the relationship was bad for him.
But when his sister went so far as to reach out to his wife and demand that she divorce him, so that he could move on and find someone who was better for him, the Original Poster (OP) knew that it was time to set a boundary he should have set a long time ago.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for removing my sister from my life after she asked my wife to divorce me?”
The OP’s sister and wife had a toxic relationship.
“My older sister doesn’t like my wife, and she never did. She was against our marriage, and she doesn’t respect her or my marriage.”
“She either ignores my wife completely or taunts her.”
“My wife tolerated her this whole time, but later today, my wife told me that my sister called her and she asked her to divorce me because she’s not suitable for me.”
The OP confronted his sister, which led to an argument.
“I went to my sister and asked her why would she tell my wife to divorce me.”
“I said that I understand she doesn’t like my wife. I even tried to validate her and said it was okay and that she doesn’t have to, but I pointed out that asking her to divorce me is going too far.”
“She said that my wife is controlling me and I have married her because of my insecurities, and we aren’t a good match.”
“When I told her that our families approve of our marriage, then why was she so against it?”
“She said she was against it, because she cares about me, and she believed that my marriage and my wife were not good for me.”
“I said that I love my wife, and I trust her, and I don’t think that I can find a better woman for me, and if she doesn’t agree or respect my wife and our marriage, then I am removing her out of my life.”
“I also clarified that I’m speaking for both of us because my wife doesn’t want to tolerate her anymore.”
“My sister got emotional and said that she was just trying to help me, and I should listen to her, and that she was not my enemy, and I’m her brother, so she won’t ruin me.”
The OP felt conflicted about what was happening with his sister.
“I feel bad for asking her for permanent removal from my life, and I do love my sister, but my wife comes first to me, so I’m prioritising my future, so am I wrong?”
“Removal of her from our life is a must, I think, if now she’s telling my wife to divorce me. Otherwise, maybe in future, what else would she do or say?”
“My sister doesn’t like my wife? Okay, she doesn’t want to talk to her and ignore her? Okay, but why would she ask my wife to divorce me? If else she should have talked to me and told me to divorce my wife, and I’m never doing that.”
“What is she going to get by controlling me? This is what I don’t understand.”
“And yes, I’m keeping my wife, keeping her in my life is my priority if I didn’t want her in my life, and she didn’t want me in her life, then we wouldn’t marry each other, and we are suitable for each other, we think we couldn’t have found a better partner.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some called the OP out for letting his sister treat his wife this way for so long.
“YTA for tolerating your sister treating your wife so badly all this time.”
“Go no contact already.” – ypranch
“YTA for even countenancing your sister being this mean to your wife for this long. You should have excommunicated her as soon as she made her feelings to your wife obvious.” – Interesting_Bake3824
“He is a sh*tty husband to the point his sister thought it was completely okay telling his wife to divorce him.” – PeppermintEvilButler
“OP, where have you been, and what have you been doing as she has taunted and mistreated your wife this whole time? She only felt some manner of okay to take it this far because you haven’t checked her before.”
“Your wife ignoring it doesn’t mean that she hasn’t been hurt by everything your sister has done this whole time.”
“Cutting off your sister, NTA, allowing your wife’s mistreatment is a different story.” – socal__77
“100% NTA. Family often think they get a free pass; I have less tolerance for family bulls**t than non-family as family generally thinks they are more entitled to have an opinion or have a say in decisions.”
“At the end of the day, family is important, but the second someone wants to try and cause unnecessary drama or create some kind of bullshit or stress, they’re gone. I don’t have time or energy for it, nor do I want it in my life.”
“A week before our wedding, my mother tried sitting down with me one-on-one and in a weird way, talk me out of marriage. She tried to do the same with my then fiancé (now wife) literally the next day.”
“For some reason, she thought that I would be loyal enough to her, my mother, not to say anything to my then fiancé, and she thought my then fiancé would be loyal enough to not say anything to me. Ultimate backfire.”
“When my wife and I got married, we made a vow to each other to always put one another above all others. I take that seriously. We are now 10+ years together and in a very happy, healthy marriage, two fantastic little boys, and I have no family drama because I cut out the bulls**t.” – Miserable-Fan-5532
“NTA. But really ask yourself, do you prioritize your wife when you say, ‘she either ignores my wife completely or taunts her and my wife tolerated her this whole time.'”
“Why haven’t you shut this down a lot earlier? “She doesn’t have to” like your wife but she needs to can it. She taunts your wife and you sit there and permit it?”
“YTA 100% for letting that happen. It’s what has given your sister the balls to determine she has the standing to have that conversation with your wife at all.” – SunMoonTruth
Others theorized that the sister wanted to overpower the OP, and they encouraged him to go no contact with her.
“NTA. Classic projection. SHE wants to control you, and is projecting that onto your wife.”
“Tell sissy you will be divorcing her and keeping your wife.” – johncate73
“Based on what I know about controlling people, it’s a sense of power, your sister’s wanting to feel the sense of power over you, and is trying to maintain control by breaking your wife and you up so she can maintain control over you.”
“This is a very common tactic used by controlling people, basically it’s a narcissistic trait, it’s weird, it’s unhealthy, and I think you should put some distance between yourself and your sister.” – Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
“How much older than you is your sister? I’m getting strong ‘I know what is good for you better than you do,’ which is more common if there is a bigger age gap. Still not justified. At the very least I would give her a long time out.” – myssi24
“I kind of feel this way about a sibling’s spouse and do think they’d be better of finding other partners, but I’d never say it, because I’m not insane.”
“Either your sister is right and you’d be happier with someone else. Or she’s wrong and wants to control you. Either way, she shouldn’t be treating your wife so poorly.” – runwith
“If you ever do let your sister back into your life, NEVER let her disrespect your wife again. That means you don’t let your sister taunt your wife or be rude in any way, including ignoring her as if she isn’t there.”
“None of her previous behavior was ‘okay’ as you put it in another comment, all of it was too far, not just her telling your wife to divorce you.”
“Your wife is your primary family, and is part of your extended family that includes your sister, whether your sister likes it or not. Your sister needs to acknowledge and accept this and be cordial at all times. Frankly, if the rest of your family accepts your wife as you say, they should tell your sister to knock it off, too.”
‘You never should have let it get this bad that your sister felt comfortable telling your wife to leave you, you should have stopped her long ago instead of allowing your wife to tolerate such poor treatment.”
“If you keep your sister in your life at all, you need to shut down any mistreatment, and tell your wife to tell you about anything your sister does behind your back, and enforce consequences on your sister, including going no contact with her.” – whatthewhat3214
While the subReddit could applaud the OP for creating space between his wife and his sister, they couldn’t help but side-eye the OP for waiting so long to do something about his sister’s treatment of her. Just because his wife put up with the behavior didn’t mean that she was okay with it.
It was essential that the OP finally took that step to protect his wife, but perhaps it should have come sooner.