It can be difficult to live in the shadow of one of our siblings.
As it can often feel as if our parents preferred this sibling to us.
In some truly unfortunate cases, some parents openly show a preference for one child over another.
Often leading the forgotten child to look for ways to darken the shimmer off their siblings.
The sister of Redditor notmondayplease had been keeping a fairly large secret from their parents.
A secret the original poster (OP) had lived with for years, despite often feeling overlooked by their parents.
Having finally had enough of being belittled by their parents, the OP felt the time had finally come to bring their sister’s secret to light.
Having some doubts on whether or not this was a good idea, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”. (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA if I tell my parents that my sister never graduated college 20 years ago?”
The OP explained why they felt compelled to finally reveal their sister’s great secret:
“Let me start out this post as I’m a (40 M[ale])that has returned to college to finish my degree.”
“My sister (47) lied to our parents over 20 years ago that she graduated college.”
“The reason why I know it was a lie she came to me when I was a senior in high school and told me that she had dropped out of college the year prior she was upset and she didn’t know what to do, and I told her everything would be OK and that I wouldn’t tell mom and dad.”
“My parents pressed for a while to see her grades and to see her diploma, but she always was able to make up excuses or avoid answering questions eventually, they just quit asking.”
“They were so excited she had graduated and would tell everyone.”
“Through the years, she’s had other issues and lied to my parents about those and me being the only one that knew the actual truth about them.”
“For many years, it didn’t bother me that she lied to my parents about it, especially since the last two years she was supposedly on scholarship.”
“I also know that my parents were pushing her into a degree she did not want.”
“But I guess 20+ years of living in my sister shadow and always being told how great her degree is and how great she is.”
“It’s finally just getting to me.”
“My parents have made me feel like what I have accomplished in life is never good enough even now returning to college they make comments that my degree isn’t going to be as valuable as hers, even though she’s never worked in her ‘degree field’.”
“I’ve been contemplating for a while just letting the truth come out, but I think I would actually feel worse.”
“I guess I’m just looking to see what other people’s opinion are on the situation if I would be the a**hole if I told my parents the whole truth?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole\
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who largely agreed that they would be the a**hole for revealing the truth to her parents.
While some sympathized with the OP for being overlooked and forgotten by their parents for so long, they otherwise agreed that revealing that their sister never graduated from college would not help anyone’s cause, and would be a mostly childish thing to do:
“YTA.”
“Your beef is with your parents, not your sister.”
“You are also 40 years old.”
“You need to work through your relationship with your parents independent of whatever they feel towards your sister.”
“Letting them know about your sisters degree isn’t going to materially change anything.”
“They aren’t suddenly going to respect you more, they are just going to respect her less, and you are not in competition with your sister.”
“At 40 years old, I think its time to move past using your parents’ feelings about your accomplishments as a barometer for success.”
“If they will never be satisfied, then they will just never be satisfied.”
“Ultimately, the only person that needs to be happy with the direction of your life is you.”-Final_Replacement_37
“YTA.”
“There are other ways to get your parents to stop comparing the two of you without also betraying your sister’s trust in you.”
“For starters, you might tell them that every time they compare you two, you’re either hanging up or leaving their presence – and then, you follow through with the threat.”
“Congratulations on finishing your college degree by the way.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“So, you wanna throw your sister under the bus because your parents are a**holes?”
“Does your sister act superior or use her fake degree to make you feel less than, or is she just living her life?”
“If the latter, YTA.”- SQ_Madriel
“YTA.”
“But your parents are the true AH here.”
“Just tell them that you’re sorry they are not proud of you for continuing to improve your life and advance your skills.”
“Let them know it is disappointing.”
“But don’t trash your sister.”
“If they bring her up, just tell them that you hate the way they always compare you and move on.”
“Don’t tattle.”
“You’re too old for that.”- Ok_Strawberry_197
“She shouldn’t have lied to them, that’s absolutely true but you wanting to tell them because they aren’t getting the treatment you want from them is childish.”
“You wouldn’t be hurting them or getting back at them.”
“You’d be making the deliberate choice to hurt her.”
“YTA.”- GothPenguin
“YTA.”
“Your reason seems to be jealousy.”
“You made a promise and you should keep your word, not let pettiness or shitty parents convince you otherwise.”
“You are 40, it’s time to work on letting your parents’ snide comments get to you.”
“‘Mom, I don’t appreciate you comparing me to my sister or talking to me that way’.”
“If you don’t stop, I’m ending the conversation.”
“Eventually, they’ll get the picture.”
“Once you have your own stuff going on, the sting of their disapproval will lessen.”- Casual_Lore
“YTA.”
“Simply because this isn’t going to play out the way you think it is.”
“It’s not going to make your parents think any better of you.”
“They’re just going to be mad that you were on the lie the whole time.”- Disastrous-Nail-640
“You want to blow up your relationship with your sister (and hers with your parents) because you—a 40-year-old man—are too afraid to stop telling your parents to stop with the emotional abuse.”
“You’re long overdue for therapy.”
“YTA.”- StephenNotSteve
“YTA.”
“If you don’t feel like your parents appreciate the life you’ve lived, or your return to college, just spend less time with them, you are an adult, you don’t need to be praised by your parents anymore.”
“Praise yourself.”
“Move on from the past and, remember, the comparison your parents make between you and your sister is based on a lie, so don’t take it so much to heart.”
“If you hear them belittling you again, for any reason, just stop them and ask ‘Why is it that you never praise me?'”
“‘Do you enjoy saying hurtful things to/about me?'”
“‘Is that how your parents raised you?'”
“‘By telling you how you always disappointed them?'”
“‘And do it every time they start up with the unkind comments’.”- hadMcDofordinner
“You’re 40 years old and fighting for your parents approval like a teenager.”
“YTA.”- Plastic_Blood1782
“YTA.”
“You made a promise, you keep it.”
“I’m also going to say that you’re not going to suddenly become the golden child just because you tarnish your sister’s halo.”
“They may even blame you (and not her) for lying all this time.”
“And you are way too old to be allowing your parents’ opinion of you or your career matter.”
“It should matter to you and no one else’s opinion counts at all.”- 1962Michael
“YTA.”
“your beef is with your parents, not your sister.”
“If you tell them that, they are going to come at you even harder because you knew and didn’t tell them.”
“THEN your sister is going to come at you (from what I read, she has done nothing to deserve you telling your parents this) and probably end your relationship with her.”
“Focus on yourself and yourself only.”- slap-a-frap
“YTA.”
“for doing this sh*t at 40.”
“Most people learn emotional regulation around the time they learn paragraph breaks.”-Infinite_Escape9683
“Dude you’re 40 years old.”
“YTA.”- evelynsmee
“YTA.”
“Because the only reason you’ve given to ‘let the truth come out’ is personal jealousy.”- LelandHeron
They say, “honesty is the best policy.”
In this case, however, that might not be the case.
After all, the OP might not come out the hero of this scenario, like they seem to think they might.
For by revealing their sister lied about graduating from college, they will also reveal that they’ve been holding on to that same secret all this time…