One of the biggest joys of having a wedding is getting to spend the day with all of your closest friends and family.
But when initially going over the guest list, brides and grooms to be very often come across some people they want to make sure are not present on their special day.
Redditor zniieop made it abundantly clear that there was one certain guest who was not welcome at her upcoming wedding.
Complicating matters, however, was that the guest in question was her sister’s boyfriend.
Wondering if she was in the wrong for not inviting him, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting my sister’s bf at my wedding?”
In a short and concise post, the OP shared why she feared that having her sister’s boyfriend at the wedding would make her guests, not to mention herself uncomfortable.
“I’m having a wedding near lake Tahoe this summer, and after sending out invitations I separately talked to my sister about inviting her.”
“I want her to be a bridesmaid but it’s kind of complicated.”
“My sister’s bf has white supremacy tats over his hands and neck from when he was in prison.”
“It has been 8 years since prison and she claims he isn’t a racist but just joined a gang in prison to survive.”
“But I don’t want that around my nieces and nephews, and I told her she can come alone or not at all.”
“She said she could talk to him about makeup to cover the tats, but I don’t know if it could still be visible or he rubbed the makeup off or it was a hot day and it melted people could see it.”
“Also, it’s my wedding and I don’t want to spend the day wondering if I invited a white supremacist.”
“Some of my my fiancé’s family are also East Asian and I don’t want him saying anything offensive to them.”
“She got upset and asked if I’m banning him from all family gatherings, and I told her the ones I’m hosting he is banned from.”
“She complained it’s expensive to get tattoo removal otherwise he would have and I told her if he is really not a white supremacist he would be so disgusted to have that on his skin he would have paid to get that shit removed even if he was broke.”
“She hung up and texted me she wasn’t going if he isn’t going.”
“AITA for not being willing to take any chances?”
“I might be alienating my sister but I don’t want ago take any chances especially at my own wedding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let her sister’s boyfriend come to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s concerns were more than justified, and that she was completely in the right to tell her sister her boyfriend wasn’t welcome at her wedding.
“She can choose to have a relationship with a open white supremacist.”
“You can choose not to invite him to you wedding.”
“She wants to bring her bf to your wedding?”
“Get a bf who isn’t a white supremacist.”- Moss8888444.
“So it’s OK for him to walk around with hate symbols all over him every day insulting people constantly and your sister proudly stands beside him doing that, yet she is calling you out for wanting to protect people from that?”
“He’s a boyfriend, not a husband.”
“You aren’t alienating your sister.”
“She’s making a choice to stand by her white supremacist man and alienating herself.”
“He can say he only got them to survive prison but as long as he keeps them on his body, he’s telling the world that is what he believes.”
“You shouldn’t be forced to make the rest of your guests uncomfortable just to appease one person.”
“Hopefully your sister wakes up but the bigger question for her is why was she comfortable enough to start dating a man with visible racist tattoos in the first place.”-pinkbutterfly87.
“That your sister is dating a white supremacist answers your other question as to whether either of them should be invited or involved much in your life, starting NOW.”
“As a Jewish woman with a BIL with crap like this from a ‘bad time’ in his life, NTA.”
“I don’t even know if they’re gone but I’m uncomfortable around him and quite a bit of my husbands immediate family.”- Economy_Mud_151.
“‘No Nazis’ is a great rule.”
“Stick to it.”
“Seems to me boyfriend is telling sister what she wants to hear.”
“Someone like that would never be at my wedding at all! “
“I hope she finds the grounds to understand that.”-samns100.
“That’s the price you pay when you spread hate and get it inked on your body.”
“Even if he’s truly reformed, no one is obligated to forgive or play nice with a former white supremacist.”
“If he understands what he did wrong, he’ll realize his choices have consequences and sit this wedding out.”
“And get his f*cking tats covered, for that matter.”- NMI6969.
Many didn’t the buy many excuses of the OP’s sister’s boyfriend for not getting his tattoos removed, or his reasons for getting them in the first place, further justifying the OP’s decision to ban him from her wedding.
“He’s had 8 years to get those tattoos removed.”
“There are even organizations that will help folks reentering society after prison get tattoos removed.”
“He’s keeping them because he’s a white supremacist and he should be nowhere near your wedding, makeup or not.”-Temporary_Badger.
“While I am sure there are people that had to do what he claims, I am calling bullsh*t seeing as how he still has them 8 years later.”
“He can black them out, have them covered, or have them removed.”
“Someone that isn’t racist doesn’t keep racist tattoos on their hands and neck.”- SigSauerPower320
“I agree with you.”
“Anyone who isn’t a racist would be embarrassed to have white supremacist tattoos and would take great pains to cover them up.”
“Not sure if I believe the prison story, but the dude hasn’t had them removed or covered 8 years later so I would believe he is one.”
“There are some tattoo artists who will cover those kinds of tattoos for free- you could ask your sister if he has looked into anything like that?”
“It seems like this would be an issue for him in many parts of his life.”-PNWPainter02.
“NTA- 8 years is a lot of time for someone who supposedly isn’t racist to keep their racist tats.”
“And yeah we know that removing a tattoo is not cheap, but not only there’s professionals willing to find a way to cover these kind of tattoos for a fair price, but he could try to coven it little by little, I mean, 8 years is a LOT of time.”- TheCountess_.
“NTA- there are places that will remove those types of tattoos for free or very low cost.”- archivesgrrl.
“It’s been 8 years and he could have gotten a cover up if he didn’t like them.”
“Why didn’t he do something about it?”
“I don’t believe that he doesn’t like them.”- Coco_Dirichlet.
“This man has had eight years to cover them.”
“And before people come at me about cost, there are many tattoo artists and shops out there that will cover racist tattoos for free.”
“He could look in his area and maybe find one close by.”
“Even if not, he’s had eight years to save up to get them covered one or two at a time.”
“For the OP, there is awesome tattoo covering makeup that doesn’t smudge or melt off if it’s hot, but it’s expensive as hell and that’s not your problem.”
“You could maybe let your sister know about the makeup or that there may be artists around that will cover up for free but I’m thinking since it’s been a whole eight years and he’s not done anything about it yet then maybe he isn’t so far past that backwards way of thinking.”
“Yes people do have to join gangs in prison a lot of the time to stay safe, that’s a given, but after eight years there’s no reason he should still be sporting those disgusting tattoos.”- DobbyFreeElf35.
“I have incarcerated family members; he’s lying.”
“And if he needed protection to that extent from white supremacists, it’s bc he was already one and said or did something to the wrong person and then needed to join a gang.”- Scumbucket22.
“If he can’t afford to remove them then covering them with different art would be cheaper.”
“Your sister isn’t completely embarrassed to be seen with him?”
“Does she explain every single time someone sees his tats?”
“I don’t care why he got them, if that truly isn’t his beliefs then he would have been working to cover that garbage up from the moment he got out.”- Previous-Ad-982.
It does seem the OP’s sister has become associated with some highly questionable company.
One hopes she thinks very carefully as to whether or not this boyfriend is worth skipping her sister’s wedding.