Paying for a wedding is no small task.
Weddings can be an enormous financial burden.
So when the dollars are spent, people want to be sure they’re being spent correctly.
The truth is all that matters.
But the truth costs.
Redditor MurkyCarry1925 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for canceling my financial support for my son’s wedding after his fiancée catfished him ‘to test his loyalty?'”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son (23) got engaged a few months ago.”
“Recently, he admitted to me that he had been texting with a girl he met on Tinder.”
“That alone already shocked me… he’s engaged, and that’s obviously not acceptable behavior.”
“But here’s the twist: the girl on Tinder was actually his fiancée.”
“She made a fake account to ‘test’ whether he would stay loyal – and when he flirted back, she confronted him.”
“Yes, what my son did was messed up.”
“But creating a whole fake profile to trap your partner?
“That’s manipulation.”
“If you have to run sting operations to trust your fiancé, maybe you shouldn’t be getting married.”
“After learning this, I told my son I wouldn’t be paying for the wedding anymore.”
“I don’t want to support a marriage that already starts with lies and games from both sides.”
“Some people in the family say that I’m overreacting and punishing both of them.”
“What’s your opinion?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Sorry, but your son was on a dating website while planning a wedding – while his fiancée was tricking him.”
“Sorry, but that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.”
“And honestly, if the girl is smart, she should break it off.”
“As it shows that your son isn’t loyal (again, because of being on a dating app).”
“Unless there is an agreement between the two that they are allowed to date outside of their relationship, this is a big red flag.”
“Talk to your son about that if he really wants to get married – because if he is disloyal now, why does he want to get married?”
“A divorce is expensive and most of the time ends in worse condition for the husband.” ~ Trevena_Ice
“NTA for removing financial support, clearly they should not be getting married however you are a bit of an AH for being madder at the finance than your son.”
“She clearly had suspicions he was up for cheating, and he was on a dating app!”
“She didn’t manipulate him. She just sought proof that he was not loyal and would be open to cheating.”
“I would put money that someone told her he was on Tinder, and so she made a fake account to see if that was true.”
“She should call off the wedding altogether.” ~ Herps15
“How does she know to catfish him unless she already knows he is on a dating app and knows his screen name or whatever?”
“And if she knows he is already on a dating app, why does she need to catfish him?”
“Is there some other purpose to being on a dating app apart from trying to find a date?”
“She already knows he is doing her wrong.”
“Also NTA.” ~ Responsible-Kale2352
“She obviously had a reason to suspect something was going on behind her back, and she was correct.”
“Why is an engaged man on Tinder in the first place?”
“NTA for withdrawing financial support, but they should not be getting married.”
“You do seem to have more anger at the girlfriend than at your son, and that’s an interesting take.”
“If she was your daughter and told you she found evidence suggesting her fiance was on Tinder looking for hookups, would you still think so harshly of her?” ~ Cute-as-Duck21
“This is 100% the correct take.”
“She is NTA for not giving financial support, but she should redirect her feelings away from the finances and direct them all the way to her cheater of a son.”
“HE was the one who made a Tinder account and flirted with someone AFTER proposing.”
“He ruined the future marriage, not her.” ~ cllanders1
“Agree… Your son is as much to blame, if not more.”
“As a matter of fact, whatever motivation she had ( hunch, intuition, or maybe blatant observation of his behavior around other women) turned out to be true.”
“She was right, and he was wandering.”
“I would be pissed at him more than her.”
“Maybe there was good cause for her to test him, you don’t know…”
“But no matter what, that relationship is doomed.” ~ robaer
“NTA, but you seem more unhappy with her than him, which is unfortunate.”
“I don’t agree with how she did it, but she apparently had good cause.”
“I doubt her catfish is the amazingly the only girl he was contacting.”
“He doesn’t get to be offended she caught him doing wrong.”
“Sounds like he especially is not ready for a marriage.” ~ zealot_ratio
“I’m glad you aren’t paying for the wedding.”
“Your son was clearly cheating to begin with.”
“The girls had a lucky escape from him I’d say.”
“She probably set it up because she knew he was on the dating site and needed proof to leave him.”
“Why are you so focused on what she did wrong?”
“You should be focused on the sorry-a** excuse of a son.”
“NTA because that poor girl needs to leave your cheating lying son.” ~ Cherubness89
“This. OP, I’m a Mom to sons.”
“I will tell you this – there is nothing innocent about what your son was doing on there.”
“Stop sticking your head in the sand.”
“He was planning to cheat, to begin with.”
“Otherwise he wouldn’t have been on Tinder or responding to it at all.”
“This is FULLY on your son.”
“NTA for pulling back funding for the wedding.”
“They absolutely should not get married under any circumstances, but your anger is directed at the wrong person.”
“All of your anger should be at your son.”
“His fiancée ‘tested’ him because he likely popped up for one of her friends; he lied to her about being active on it, so she was seeing if he was lying to her. Her gut was telling her something was off.”
“Consider this your wake-up call as a Mom that your son is WAY too immature to be getting married right now.”
“And, consider it a blessing that he pulled this crap because a divorce is far more expensive and emotionally burdensome than a canceled wedding.”
“Encourage them to break up.”
“His fiancée deserves better.” ~ Organic-Willow2835
“NTA, I think your points are spot on, these people should not be getting married (not yet, at any rate).”
“And while you can’t prevent it, you’re under no obligation to pay for the wedding.”
“Also, there’s a difference between withdrawing an offer of a generous gift and ‘punishing’ someone.” ~ CoverCharacter8179
“NTA. But your son’s fiancée catfishing him on Tinder shouldn’t be the only reason you withdraw financial support for the wedding.”
“It should equally be on account your son was on a dating app when he’s planning a wedding with a person he’s committed himself to.”
“Boy shouldn’t have been on Tinder to begin with.” ~ GingerWhoDrinksTea
“NTA because they shouldn’t be getting married.”
“But your son is a cheater and you’re more upset that she went out of her way to catch him rather than being upset he’s a cheater and on Tinder in the first place.”
“Boy’s moms, insane.” ~ Ok-Bank-9051
“NTA. Your not paying doesn’t stop the wedding but it might give them the time to reflect if this is really what they want to do right now.”
“You aren’t obligated to put your money into something that you don’t think is right.” ~ NoRazzmatazz564
“You are NTA, and your son has no business getting married to this girl (or anyone until he grows up).”
“If they get married, it’s just a matter of time before they get divorced, since their relationship seems to be a giant toxic mess.” ~ ed_lv
“NTA for canceling support.”
“I don’t think these two have any business getting married.”
“But YTA because it sounds like you’re more upset with her than him.”
“She suspected he was cheating.”
“That’s why she made a fake Tinder to find him and get proof.”
“She wouldn’t have been in there unless she already suspected he was.”
“Your son is the one who carries most of the blame here, not her.” ~ Haleighghielah
“Considering he was cheating, she probably had reason to suspect.”
“You shouldn’t take away your funding due to what she did. You should because your son isn’t ready to be married.”
“He’s not done playing the field. You should be discussing that with him.”
“NTA but either is your son’s G[irl]F[riend].”
“Your son is the only AH here.” ~ Aggravating-Plum8147
“I mean, it sounds like your son was already on Tinder while engaged to his fiancée; otherwise, she wouldn’t have been able to ‘trap’ him.”
“Seems like she found out he was on Tinder and laid a trap to have proof of his bad intentions.”
“She should’ve just left him when she discovered he was in a dating app, and I think it’s weird you’re putting just as much blame on the fiancee for souring the relationship as you’re putting on your son.”
“In fact, you sound like you have more disdain for the fiancee’s actions as opposed to your son’s.”
“Either way, you’re NTA for pulling financial support for the wedding.”
“They shouldn’t be getting married.”
“Your son sucks, and his fiancée would be gaining an in-law that is automatically biased against her even when she’s the wronged party.”
“That’s a recipe for misery, and that girl deserves better.” ~ Elephansion
“NTA but place the blame where it belongs.”
“His fiancée didn’t try and catfish him for nothing.”
“She was about to make a life commitment to your son, and obviously, some of his behavior raised a red flag.”
“She tested him, and he failed.”
“Not only should you not pay for the wedding, but they shouldn’t be getting married yet, if at all.”
“Don’t kid yourself that he hasn’t done something behind her back already.” ~ montrealjoker
“Regardless of his partner and her fake profile, he still had to be on Tinder in the first place to fall into the trap.”
“She obviously, correctly, had her suspicions and was proved right.”
“NTA for pulling financial support, but the favor is to her, not him” ~ lkdubdub
Reddit is with you, OP.
It doesn’t sound like these kids aren’t ready for marriage.
But it’s their life.
Perhaps consider scheduling a large therapy session with some of the funds?
A lot must be discussed before they walk down the aisle.