It can be difficult for parents to let their children leave the nest and head off to college.
Once a child is an adult, a sense of freedom is often expected to be given.
Adults don't want their parents to know their every waking move.
College is the time to spread wings and soar.
But some parents insist on keeping those wings clipped.
This doesn't usually sit well with a new college student.
Redditor throwaway830583 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"WIBTA if I threatened to turn off my Life360?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (19 F[emale]) am in my first week of college."
"I've had Life360 with my parents since I was about 16 for general safety reasons."
"However, they're a bit overbearing and controlling about where I go, even after I turned 18."
"I've found myself being extremely stressed about doing very normal things and being worried about them getting upset."
"Before I left for college, my mom asked me to leave my Life360 on, joking about how she 'wants to know what ditch to get me out of' if something goes wrong, which I completely understand, but my parents have been obsessively checking my location since I've gotten here."
"They've mentioned in passing places I went (literally like stores to buy stuff for school) when I didn't tell them I was going."
"They've been pressuring me to go to church and checking my location frequently to make sure I am (I don't want to, but I like to keep the peace)."
"It's a bit uncomfortable."
"I'm wondering if I'd be an a**hole if I told them that if they don't stop stalking me, I'm going to turn off my Life360."
"I understand their reasoning behind wanting me to have it, but it's uncomfortable knowing that wherever I am, they're probably looking constantly."
"I'd appreciate any input y'all have."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Gods, I remember the days when the answer to 'Where is your kid?' was 'Hell if I know, she's due back at dinner.'"
"I cannot imagine living under the crushing surveillance of Life 360." ~ mvms
"Mine sent me out to pick wild blueberries in bear country."
"The fact that she eventually made some tasty pies indicated the neglect was intentional but not malicious."
"NTA, of course." ~ hopelesscaribou
"I went N[o] C[ontact] with my mother because she made a point of knowing EVERYONE - I am not even exaggerating when I say that if I went anywhere on the Gulf Coast, SOMEONE would recognize me and mention seeing me to my mother."
"She lost her s**t when I moved to Texas because 'I don't know anyone there,' meaning she couldn't track my movements."
"Even with that, I couldn't imagine having my phone tracked."
"Absolutely NTA, but I hope OP is able to get their parents to back off a bit." ~ JorjCardas
"No, and honestly, it would be better for your long-term relationship."
"But do be careful, those first couple of years of freedom after having overbearing parents can be dangerous. NTA." ~ LetterkennyHaikus
"This was so true for me... when I moved out and didn't have a 9 pm curfew anymore, I immediately made a ton of really bad choices because I didn't know how to handle myself without any guidelines."
"My parents did the best they knew how for me, but they put me in more danger by not giving me the freedom to f**k up while I was still at home, and they could have helped me.
"I don't blame them for my choices, I'm the one who made them."
"I just advocate for parents to let their kids mess up and learn how to fix it before they leave home." ~ subtlyobscene
"NTA, but if they're paying your way right now, it could jeopardize that support."
"Have you talked to them about how uncomfortable this makes you?"
"Is your dad just as bad as your mom?" ~No-Strawberry-5804
"Why is nobody considering this?"
"Yes, the parents are insane, but OP should absolutely not jeopardize their college education just to prove a point."
"I actually don't even think it's unreasonable for parents to require their adult children to share locations with them as long as they're the ones paying for the phone."
"However, just because they have that leverage doesn't mean they should abuse it like these parents seem to do."
"Ideally, they don't check where their child is always going and only really use it in an emergency when they can't get a hold of them or if they're driving home and want to monitor progress." ~ TheHondoCondo
"I used to be the advisor for a college atheist group."
"If OP's parents are still supporting her financially and they're that adamant about church, she may have to suck it up for now (or get creative)."
"Certainly in the South, kids have been disowned for being atheists."
"To many parents, it's 'worse' than being gay (note that I am a gay atheist, so don't disrespect me)."
"OP, you know your parents best."
"OP, you're NTA for wanting freedom at your age."
"But you also walk a thin line if parents are still supporting you financially."
"I hope you can talk to them and work this out."
"Could they agree to only check on you every so many hours?"
"Only if you don't text however many times per day?"
"Something y'all can agree on."
"You need to have some independence if they expect you to survive on your own at some point!" ~ PlatypusLegos
"YWNBTA—- look, I'm a parent."
"I have a 24-year-old who went to college at 17."
"All I'm going to say is that at some point you will need to assert your independence."
"They do not need to know what you are doing at every given time of the day."
"I would set the boundary with them, and if they are uncomfortable with it, then that's on them."
"My daughter only shares her location when she goes on dates and or long trips, so if something does happen."
"But as for everyday, nope."
"But I also don't check every 5 mins." ~ Mooshu1981
"NTA. Are they supporting you financially?"
"It could be beneficial to get a dirt-cheap 2nd phone or a digital SIM card and just leave the app on and take your other phone places."
"If you depend on them for FAFSA or other financial support, it may be worth not pissing them off."
"Their actions are definitely creepy and controlling." ~ starrynightt87
"NTA, they are taking it a little too far."
"However, if they pay for your phone, prepare to buy your own plan." ~ Nola_Germajun
"NTA. But be prepared for all the things your parents will shut off if they're still paying for them (school help, phone, other bills, etc)."
"Parents who are this obsessed about an adult child will absolutely punish you by withdrawing financial help, so be prepared if they are paying for anything." ~ ShermanOneNine87
"NTA. No adult should be forced to have a nanny tracker if they don't want it."
"I will never ever use one of those things."
"By the way, Life360 or other nanny apps can do very little to actually save anyone if something serious happens in the moment."
"Maybe help them find a corpse after the fact, or the last place the phone was located."
"It just preys on parents' fears and gives a false sense of security."
"That said, if your parents are financially supporting you, that might become a condition of future support."
"A crappy deal, but there it is." ~ Sufficient_Stop8381
"NTA, but I'd be a bit more gentle with the language you use when you tell them you're disabling this."
"You're an adult, trying to become independent."
"Having 24/7 surveillance by parents holds you back from making your own path in life."
"Maybe a compromise is acceptable here."
"For example: 'I'm going to turn off the Life360, but I'll give you a call on a weekly basis to let you know how things are going.'" ~ gewqk
"NTA. BUT if you want to be sneaky about this, instead of fighting them."
"Get your own cell phone."
"Then put call forwarding on your old phone."
"Have the calls from your old phone forwarded to your new phone."
"Carry it occasionally so they don't catch on to what you are doing."
"Maybe have someone who goes to church bring it with them to church and then drop it off back, etc."
"Of course, this is just punting."
"Sooner or later, you will need to assert independence." ~ SugarSweetSonny
"NTA, Mother here, I would never monitor my adult children's lives, as adults, they have a right to their privacy."
"You are an adult; it's time for you to be responsible for yourself, not others."
"Tell your parents that they raised you right, but it's time for them to trust you to make the correct decisions for yourself in your day-to-day life."
"Your right to privacy is something that comes with adulthood."
"Not that younger children don't have the right to privacy, just at a different level."
"Honestly, they sound creepy to still expect to know your daily coming and goings, it's like being stalked." ~ Fit-Significance5044
"NTA, but if you are being financially supported by your parents, independence may be expensive."
"Try talking to them again."
"Point out that they have done a wonderful job of creating and nurturing a responsible adult with the confidence to test her wings solo."
"And tell them how grateful you are to know they have your back at this special time, and that you'll call when you need them." ~ IllustriousBowler259
OP came back to chat...
"Wow. Posting here has been so validating, and I feel less crazy."
"Thank you for your kind words of support and advice."
"I haven't done anything yet, but I've decided to wait until my next therapy appointment to talk it out with my therapist before I take action."
"I might update if I remember."
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, OP.
You deserve your freedom.
Your parents' hearts may be in the right place, but they have no right to police you.
Glad you're talking it out with a professional.
Good luck.
