When a person is studying for a big exam or finishing up an important work project, they tend to want the outside world to leave them alone until the tasks are completed.
Pulling focus from someone’s studies or work, even for a brief moment, can cause extra stress.
But not everyone gets that message.
Redditor BroadContract7501 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to do my husband a favor, even if I was capable of doing it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) am a 4th year vet student married to my husband (27 M[ale]).”
“I have an exam in 4 days that I have been frantically studying for.”
“This morning I was actively typing/studying on my computer when my husband came in and asked if I could do him a favor.”
“He said that he needed new work pants, but when he tried to log in to his Amazon account yesterday, he was locked out.”
“He asked that I just buy the pants for him using my Amazon account.”
“He said that I had purchased the pants before, so the order info should be saved somewhere in my history.”
“I told him that he has access to my Amazon account on his computer and could use my account to get them for himself.”
“I said that while I was physically capable of going and doing it for him, he could also do it just as easily, and it just wasn’t a priority for me right now.”
“He got pretty upset.”
“He said he never asks for favors, and I couldn’t do this one thing for him.”
“It’s true that he doesn’t often ask for favors from me, but it’s not true that I don’t do things for him.”
“It’s just that it was a bad time for him to ask, and I feel like he can do it himself.”
“I feel like I might be the a**hole for just blanketly saying no, especially after he got so upset.”
“I am capable of doing him the favor, even if it’s a really bad time for it.”
“But, I also feel like he should be more considerate of my time and effort right now, and I offered him the solution of him using my account on his computer.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA for refusing to do the favor?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“What gets me in particular is that it’s not even ‘here’s the direct link to the item in the color/size I want, so you only need to press the add to cart button and check out to minimise my disruption of your time.'”
“It’s ‘you’ve ordered them from your account before, so you ‘only’ need to trawl through your order history to find the item and check for yourself what color/size I wanted last time and then order those.'”
“Like… that could easily take ten or more minutes, depending on how much order history there is.”
“If you remember when they were last purchased, or even the correct words to use for a search to find them, and provided it was the exact same item from the exact same seller, because if it wasn’t, then the item might not be available even if you did buy something previously.”
“A direct link would have meant it was a 30-second request, tops.”
“Add to cart, check out, done.’
“But he couldn’t even do that work himself, she was asked to do all the emotional labour around it on top of everything, while she’s in the middle of cramming for an important exam.”
“And she’s here asking if she’s the AH?”
“Absolutely TF not OP. NTA.” ~ Dishmastah
“I used to work for the federal government, and there were quite a few veterinarians and vet students who worked there.”
“Not only is vet med highly competitive, but it is also incredibly challenging.”
“Him asking during this stressful time is disrespectful, and getting pissed off about her not helping is entitled.”
“OP is NTA and should not give in.” ~ Shazam1269
“You’re in the middle of preparing for a major exam that your entire career depends on.”
“Your time, focus, and mental bandwidth are legitimately limited right now.”
“The favor he asked for wasn’t urgent, complicated, or something he couldn’t do himself; he literally has access to your account already.” ~ Helpful-Ad9732
“NTA. If he had open access on his computer and permission to use your Amazon account, there’s absolutely no reason you should be interrupted to do it for him.”
“He had the access, and he can see the order history, and he can click purchase again.”
“His insisting that you do it for him while you’re in the middle of studying for an exam makes no sense.”
“If this were something you had sole access to, I may feel like okay, just do it – but to me, this is like him disrupting your studies to make him a PB&J in the kitchen or toast.”
“He can easily do it – he just doesn’t want to.” ~ BlondDee1970
“NTA, that’s an insane request if he has access to your Amazon account.”
“Or he can be an adult and unlock his own account??”
“Men like this make the rest of us look bad.” ~ tedlassoloverz
“NTA. If you’re going to be an adult human who cannot buy his own clothes, the least you can do is pick your moments to ask someone else to do it for you.”
“Surely the work pants issue was not so desperate that it couldn’t be addressed after the test was over.” ~ ExtraplanetJanet
“NTA. Whether he realizes it or not, this is weaponized incompetence.”
“He is using emotional leverage to make you feel bad for not dropping everything and doing a favor for him that he could have accomplished very easily on his own instead of interrupting your work.” ~ Numb3r3dDays
“NTA. Either of you could do this 2 min action.”
“He chose not to do it for himself because it’s easier to delegate, you chose not to do it for him because you’re studying for an exam.” ~ BlueyIsAwesome
“NTA. Your husband was capable of doing it himself.”
“If he didn’t realize he could access your Amazon account on his computer and thought he needed your help, he should have held onto that request.”
‘You were focused in a flow state studying something important to you.”
“A better interruption would have been, ‘I’m sorry. Quick question. When would you like me to serve you dinner?’”
“While breaking away to eat would have been the appropriate time to ask about the pants.”
“Your husband respected neither your time nor the importance of the task at hand to you.”
“If this is an ongoing thing and your husband won’t prioritize your need for uninterrupted study time, you alone need to prioritize it away from him.”
“Libraries, coffee shops, and even some hospital lounges offer free WiFi with a place to set up.” ~ BryonyVaughn
“I’m guessing he resents the fact that he’s not getting her undivided attention because she’s been studying hard.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it was getting close to dinner time, too, and he figured if he could get her concentration away from studying, maybe she’ll make him dinner while she’s at it.”
“I guess that’s a pretty cynical take on it, but I think there are far too many men who expect their partners to take care of all the boring, little annoying things they don’t want to be bothered with.”
“There’s also a possibility that he realizes that in a few years, she may be out-earning him, and maybe subconsciously, he doesn’t want her to succeed.”
“But the simplest, most likely explanation is that he doesn’t prioritize her needs and is willing to break her concentration to take care of his non-urgent request that he could easily have taken care of himself.”
“NTA all the way.” ~ 10S_NE1
“NTA. All these E-S-H and Y-T-A must be men who do the same thing to their wives/girlfriends.”
“You were in the middle of studying.”
“He has access to your Amazon account.”
“He can do it himself.” ~ _Counting_Worms_1
“100%. This is a very clear-cut case.”
“The fact that anyone could think OP should just drop their work and go order a pair of pants for a guy who could easily do it himself tells me it’s a lot of guys who can’t do s**t for themselves.”
“I even see some of them insinuating she’s not a supportive wife for not doing this, etc.”
“Ridiculous.” ~ Numb3r3dDays
“NTA. He was interrupting your work when he could have easily clicked the forget password button and made a new password in under two minutes.”
“I’ve locked myself out several times.”
“This is not something that takes a long time to fix.”
“I always get a new password link in a minute or two.”
“Seems like he was lazy, weaponized incompetence, or just trying to use your money from your account, or trying to interrupt your work.” ~ 11throwaway88
“NTA. Oh no, absolutely not.”
“He’s a grown man; he had every capability of doing this himself, and you were studying.”
“The audacity and selfishness of asking you to do something so mundane that he could easily have done while you were so busy is really showing you the person he is.”
“Keep an eye on this selfish behavior.”
“If he keeps treating his little tasks as more important than your education or acts in a similar manner about anything else as important as your education, make your plans and get away.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA, I think there needs to be a conversation about what you do for each other.”
“It sounds like he doesn’t see what you’re doing for him, or he doesn’t realize how much [time/effort/energy] that is.”
“Talk about expectations going forward, i.e., if you have a test coming up, you can’t do trivial tasks for him that he can do himself.” ~ Nnnnnnnnnnnon
Reddit is with you, OP.
You’re in the middle of something very important.
All he had to do was log in to your account.
You aceing your exam is a good thing for both of you.
It’s not difficult to order pants.