Families take care of each other.
But when it comes to the amount of time teenagers spend looking after other people’s children, how much is too much?
Redditor ThrowRAauntstruggle is a 19-year-old who said she missed out on her early teenage years.
When she was recently criticized about her priorities at home, she sought input from strangers online and asked the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit:
“AITA for wanting a break from my aunt duties?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“To explain the situation that’s been the same for years, my sister (32 F[emale]) has lived with us on and off for the last decade, ever since I was in middle school.”
“I’m 19 F[emale], my parents are both early 60s, and her daughter is 5 F[emale].”
“For the last 5 years, when I was in 9th grade I was the one in charge of caring for my niece. We are from a different culture and multigenerational home, so at the time it was my great grandma, grandma, and me and my parents with my sister occasionally moving back in.”
“She had a few partners through those years and every year or two when they broke up she came back before dating again, and moving out.”
“She had a kid with her 4th boyfriend, but didn’t want to be involved.”
“I don’t want to sound dramatic, but since high school I gave up my hobbies, pushed myself to finish college early, and got a job all at the same time.”
“Currently I’m almost done with my associates and work full time. I wanted to spend one weekend with my middle school friend at a sleepover at her place which was 10 minutes away.”
“My sister said no, because then who would watch her daughter? And when I say I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences I did. I spent all that time with my niece.”
“She said I’d be a b*tch to prioritize hanging out over our family.”
“AITA for wanting to take a small break from my aunt duties for one weekend?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole in the situation, starting with this user who identified her predicament.
“NTA what was done to you is called Parentification. This is not your kid. She needs to woman up and be a parent.”
“‘No’ is a full sentence. It isn’t your responsibility to be the caregiver for your niece. It’s her and all the adults that let her shirk her responsibilities.” – chyaraskiss
“Also your sister doesn’t get to decide what you do. She should stop trying to parent you and be a parent to her own kid instead of making you do it.”
“Op should have said I’m going out and will be back the next day. Find another babysitter for YOUR kid, because she isn’t mine.”
“And if you keep fighting me on this I will stop looking after your kid.” – Candy2228
“NTA. Stop doing more to raise your niece than your sister is doing. You aren’t asking your sister’s permission to go away for the weekend, you are telling her that you’ll be gone.”
“So, go. Have fun. And turn off your phone the minute you leave your house.”
“Let your sister deal with being a parent without being able to bother you.” – teresajs
“NTA Sounds like your sister needs a HUGE wake-up call. You are not the child’s parent; she is.”
“I understand cultural context but being a parent is not your current* job. Your sister can hire a babysitter heck maybe try spending time with the child herself?”
“Either way you need to start setting boundaries with her; enlist the help of your parents/relatives to talk to your sister about her behavior as I think this may require some family intervention.” – Itsbananako
“Wow NTA. Your sister sounds entitled and selfish. You have zero responsibility to care for her child, but it’s very nice that you have been doing so.”
“Why does your sister get to go out with boyfriends while you have to stay home with her kid?”
“You sound responsible and like your life is on track, if no one in your family will support you on this, then consider moving out.”
“You’re not your niece’s parent and I’m sure you don’t get paid as her nanny/caretaker.”
“Stand your ground, your sister needs to be a more responsible parent and your family shouldn’t be enabling her ridiculously selfish behavior.” – C10udW1ne
“Those aren’t aunt duties op is talking about, those are parent duties she’s being expected to do.”
“Sure, babysitting now and then is normal for an aunt, but she was expected to give up her life to basically raise her sisters kid from the sounds of it.”
“Where is op’s sister that she can’t watch the child? Why did she have to give up all her hobbies, push herself into finishing school early and start work I’m assuming to help support her niece.”
“Op, start saving your money and get your own place, then pick and choose days you’re willing to babysit if you want to but do not let them move in with you. NTA OP.” – tiffi_333
The OP gave the following update:
“Referring back to her moving situations in the past, she is currently dating someone for a few months now. She’s at his place everyday, and comes home only when she needs to grab something or just to check in.”
“Her daughter is still here because his apartment is just one room, so she’s there a lot because she maintains his place while he’s gone. She hasn’t worked since giving birth, but it’s been difficult for her since then.”
She also updated her thread with:
“I know a lot of replies addressed suggesting me to move out, but I’m not at a good financial spot to do so yet. I hope that once I have a degree and better paying job, that I’ll be in a better financial situation.”
“As for the whole thing with my niece, I guess it hurts when you love people and you have to make sacrifices for themselves. I don’t dislike her because of it because I know her life has been tough too.”
“My sister is in and out a lot, but she and her daughter live at home, my sister just pops in a little bit or so to check in and stuff.”
Hopefully, the sister finds another option rather than having to constantly rely on her younger sibling to be a parent.