Teenagers often love to buck the system.
Not just the societal system as a whole, but the parental system at home.
Breaking rules isn’t new, actually, it’s quite old behavior.
And parents haven’t found it any less aggravating with age.
Some rules are not meant to be broken.
Redditor Mountain-Dot824 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for enforcing basic boundaries on my daughter’s sleepover?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am 42 M[ale], have two kids living with me, my daughter Anya (17 F[emale]) and my stepson Noah (14 M).”
“Noah’s mom passed a few years ago, and I’ve had full custody since.”
“He’s had a rough go of it, but he’s a good kid, with his quirks.”
“He’s not antisocial or shy, but he does not appreciate having his space invaded, and when very upset, he can kinda ‘shut down.'”
“Anya is much more outgoing and has a lot of friends.”
“She asked to have a sleepover this weekend with four of them.”
“I said yes, of course, but given that the friends who were coming were pretty loud and have a tendency to crowd Noah, I told her to make sure they don’t go into her brother’s room.”
“Also, to keep things down after 11, so that the house can sleep.”
“In my opinion, these are not strict rules.”
“To my surprise, I came upstairs to check on them at about 10- they are 17, I didn’t think I needed to check on them every hour or something- and they were in Noah’s room.”
“And they looked like they’d been there a while, two were literally sitting on his bed, with him there, one of them was flipping through his sketchbook, another was messing with his other stuff, and they were all kind of giggling in this weird way.”
“Noah was clearly upset; he didn’t say anything/move, but there were tears in his eyes, and he didn’t respond when I tried to talk to him.”
“I told the girls to get out right then, and that I was calling every single one of their parents.”
“Anya was pretty upset with me, but I told her that I gave them TWO rules and they failed spectacularly.”
“I did actually call all of their parents and sent them home as soon as possible. “
“Anya blew up, saying I embarrassed her.”
“I told her to go to her room, and that we would speak on this in the morning.”
“I spent about 20 minutes with Noah before he decided he wanted to cool down on his own, and I went back to my daughter, who chose not to speak to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“It’s late, both of my kids are (hopefully) asleep, and I’m left not knowing if I handled things right. AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Holy hell, NTA.”
“And it’s honestly strange that four 17-year-old girls decided to spend their evening harassing a 14-year-old boy.” ~ naviismyhomegirl
“NTA. Your daughter needs to be punished.”
“I have several older brothers.”
“I NEVER went into their rooms and they never went into mine.”
“It seems like common decency and common sense not to encroach on other people’s privacy.”
“They 100% went into his room to tease him.”
“And that’s disgusting.”
“Your daughter would probably be absolutely furious if the roles were reversed and he and his friends went through her room.”
“There needs to be consequences for her actions; she is too old to be acting like this.” ~ LighthouseonSaturn
“NTA, this is some of the best parenting I have seen in a long time, and I do this sort of thing for a living.”
“You handled this perfectly, and your daughter needs to reflect on what she did to him in his safe space.”
“If she can’t understand, then let her know that for the next week, her room is open to the public for you guys to flip through her personal things with her friends.”
“She’s far too old to lack empathy, so don’t let up or give in at all to her.” ~ Skeeballnights
“NTA, but Anya needs further consequences.”
“She outright defied you to the detriment of her brother.”
“There was no reason for them to do that other than to make him uncomfortable.”
“Grounding, removing access to her phone, something.”
“I work with teens.”
“You can spot the ones not being disciplined from a mile away.”
“The fact that SHE’S punishing YOU with the silent treatment tells you that…”
“A) She still doesn’t believe she’s wrong…”
“B) She doesn’t respect you or your rules, and…”
“C) She could not care less about putting her stepbrother in a bad situation.”
“Time to show her that actions have consequences.” ~ Sweet_Vanilla46
“NTA. They’re 17, they should know better.” ~ Duckcrocsinmybooty
“NTA. Why the hell would they want to go into his room anyway?”
“I’m amazed you even needed to make that a rule, and they’re absolutely little jacka**es for breaking it.”
“It’s a simple request.” ~ ScarlettsLetters
“NTA. In my opinion, your daughter caused this outcome.”
“You were clear with her on what the expectations were and chose not to follow one of them.”
“She’s 17, and it’s time she learns what accountability is.”
“She’s going to be an adult soon, so behaving like a child won’t get her far.”
“I would have ended the sleepover right then as well.”
“Noah is his own person and has his own feelings.”
“Those were heavily invaded, and that is unfair to him.”
“Anya and her friends had so many other options of places to hang out, other than in his room.” ~ Wolf-Pack85
“NTA, but you have an older sibling bullying a younger sibling scenario on your hands.”
“As well as a daughter who is a jerk in general, since she clearly intentionally broke that rule only because you gave it to her.”
“Like she went out of her way to do this to him and you.”
“Appropriate response, but there is a much deeper issue here.” ~ whatsupwillow
“NTA. They mean girl ganged up on him in the place that should be his most private and safest.”
“I would consider changing boundaries with your daughter’s friends in your home to no sleepovers, and they’re not allowed to go upstairs.”
“At all.”
“Your daughter violated your rules and her brother’s safety, privacy, autonomy, and comfort.”
“Who knows how far their torturing him would have gone if you were asleep rather than awake?”
“As for her friends, they are just as culpable.”
“They bullied your son.”
“Whether or not your daughter told them the ‘2 rules,’ what they did was invasive, invalidating, and hurtful to your son.”
“They think it’s fun to bully and force another person to have their space and privacy violated.”
“Your son needs and deserves the full support of the adults in the home to protect his boundaries.” ~ curiousity60
“NTA. Honestly?”
“You did what you had to.”
“You stood up for your son when he couldn’t speak.”
“Your daughter and her friends, at 17, are more than capable of following rules.”
“Your sister knows her brother has issues.”
“She and her friends purposely broke your rules just to antagonize him because they knew he wouldn’t fight back.”
“Your daughter and her friends are bullies, plain and simple.”
“It was a tough situation, and you handled it well.”
“You showed your son that you will always have his back.”
“And you showed your daughter that there are consequences for bullying her brother.” ~ R4eth
“NTA. Those girls were being horribly mean to Noah; he had tears in his eyes, and they just didn’t care.”
“You were absolutely right to kick them out.”
“That kind of mean girl behaviour at 17 is gross.” ~ zoestewartbooks
“NTA by a country mile.”
“Your only two rules were EXTREMELY light.”
“Like along the lines of ‘I know this goes without saying, but don’t be a**holes’ rules.”
“At 17, she should be able to follow those rules.”
“Heck, at 7, she should be able to follow those rules.”
“She and her friends were disrespectful a**holes, and you responded with entirely appropriate repercussions.”
“Excellent parenting.” ~ NearbyCow6885
“NTA. These were very reasonable rules, and she broke them; ending the sleepover is an appropriate consequence.”
“Good job in protecting your stepson, make sure that your daughter’s anger doesn’t turn into resentment towards him; these were her mistakes and her lessons to learn.” ~ YouFlatterMeBrian
“NTA. But you need to make it crystal clear to your daughter that HER actions are what resulted in her friends being sent home and the sleepover cancelled.”
“If she is embarrassed by that, then she only has herself to blame.” ~ JessieColt
“NTA and thank you.”
“I can’t imagine what it would have done to Noah mentally if you hadn’t reacted the way you did.”
“And Anya was given the boundaries and chose to ignore them.”
“I would talk to her and see how things transpired though.”
“If her friends bulldozed her, then she needs to know that they aren’t her friends.”
“From the little description given, I feel that might be the scenario, but you know… limited info to go on.”
“Either way, just now you are doing great! It can’t be easy.” ~ Angelphish410
“I know it’s weird to say one adult to another, but I’m proud of you for not only keeping custody of your stepson but showing him that you care and are his true parent.”
“Knowing that he would need space and care, and providing it goes a long way.”
“And showing them both that they are equal, no favorites.”
“It looks like that’s what you are doing, and that is spectacular.” ~ SeriousAssistant43
“NTA. Because even if she told them to leave Noah alone and the girls chose to go in his room anyway, they also need to learn to mind the rules and respect other people’s boundaries.” ~ sweettea75
Reddit is on your side, OP.
Yours and Noah’s.
Two gave out two simple instructions.
They ignored your demands.
Now these young ladies are learning consequences.
Give our best to Noah.