A family vacation is an excellent opportunity to spend time together.
Even so, many people tend to want some alone time while on vacation.
Be it parents wanting moments away from their children, or just one member of the group needing some solo time.
With this in mind, it does rather beg the question why some people were included in the vacation in the first place?
Redditor princesscorgi2 was excited about an upcoming vacation with her husband and her toddler.
The original poster (OP)'s excitement dampened considerably, however, when two additional members asked to join the trip.
When the OP told their husband that they still wanted some time with just the three of them during this trip, they were met with a fair amount of confusion.
Wondering if they were the one responsible for this confusion, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for expecting some time with just my husband and toddler and not my in-laws on our Disney World trip?"
The OP explained why they lost a fair amount of excitement for their upcoming Disney trip:
"We have a Disney vacation planned in a few months."
"It will be my in-laws and my toddler, my husband and me."
"We'll be there for 9 days."
"We are paying completely for our portion of the vacation and will have separate hotel rooms."
"I'm a Disney adult."
"I love Disney!"
"I'm so excited to be able to take my toddler!"
"It's extremely special for me since I've been going since I was his age."
"My very controlling mother-in-law (MIL) has been asking for a family vacation and for some reason because I can't say no I told her that her and my father-in-law (FIL) can join."
"They aren't Disney people and are purely coming to have family time."
"My MIL is very bossy and controlling and will just take my son from me and not let me enjoy any of the social moments with him."
"I brought up to my husband that I'd like some nuclear family time."
"He says that I'm wrong for just bringing them to Disney and leaving them there when they don't even like Disney and are coming just for family time."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community had little sympathy with the OP, with many having trouble sympathizing with anyone.
Many felt that if the OP knew her MIL would cause so much stress, she needed to learn to say no, even if they also had trouble accepting the controlling behavior of the OP's MIL, or how passive the OP's husband was regarding his parents:
"ESH."
"You need to learn to say no."
"If people come go on vacation together, they generally spend the vacation together."
"So your husband isn't wrong in what he said."
"Your husband needs to learn to tell his parents to stay in their lane."
"Ultimately, since they're his parents, this is his problem to handle."
"And you need to tell him that."
"And his MIL sucks for being controlling and just taking your kid from you without asking."-Disastrous-Nail-640
"ESH."
"Look, now that you are a mom, it would be in your own best interest to learn to set boundaries and say no ASAP."
"Trust me- if you don't, you're likely in for a world of further issues when it comes to family and your kid(s)."
"Your MIL does not get to just take your son from you- he's YOUR son."
"Talk to your husband and talk about what your expectations are for time with just your little family unit vs. time with the in laws."
"Maybe that's 4 out of the 9 days are just for you guys and your toddler, and the rest are with the in laws."
"Maybe it's half days with them."
"Whatever you and husband can compromise on, get it worked out now."
"Tell his parents in advance so there are no blow ups when you get there (well, hopefully)."
"Tell your husband you don't like when MIL steals your child from you constantly, and tell him you need him to have your back with that."- Stranger0nReddit
"ESH."
"You need to grow a spine. In-laws sound overbearing and awful."
"Why did you say they could come along?"
"That's on you."- pixie-ann
"YTA for inviting them and then wanting to leave them."
"YWNBTA if you had originally respectfully told them no, they cannot go."- xLittleKittenxx
Others however felt the OP willingly brought their frustrations on all by themself, and thus had no right to complain about anything:
"'...because I can't say no I told her that her and my FIL can join'."
"YTA."
"You brought this misery on yourself because you're a doormat."- writierthanyou
"Yes, YTA."
"Because you agreed to let them come."
"When you already knew that they were not Disney people and that it was just for family time."
"Your assumption to be left with your husband and toddler was what you wanted."
"Not your honest assumption of how things would go."- Lithogiraffe
"YTA,:
"You knew they were overbearing, not Disney people and were coming solely for family time, which the has been asking for for some time."
"What did you expect?"
"Some people are ok separating in forups and doing their thing when wanting to do different programs (I am) but others like family time (my mom's family is like that)."
"It sounds like they'd be offended and hurt if you ask them to back off a bit, no matter how gently you do it."
"Next time, plan a weekend getaway or something to accomodate them instead of inviting them along."- Dry_Response4914
"I was so ready to be o your side but then it turns out THEY ASKED and YOU said YES!"
"And you know they're not Disney people, they're paying for an expensive trip just to spend time with your family, and now you want them to leave you guys alone for part of it?"
"What are they supposed to do while you're with your nuclear family?"
"You already know they're not Disney people and won't enjoy their time alone."
"Why didn't you just book a longer time than the time they're with you?"
"Why didn't you do something else for a family vacation and do Disney yourselves?"
"YTA."
"You had so may options but you told them to come on this trip as a family trip, you can't tell them you don't want them now."- SPlNPlNS
"Maybe i'm reading it wrong but they just asked for a family vacation and YOU offered up your Disney trip, no?"
"So yes, YTA if you invited them, and changed your mind, but are acting like they invited themselves on this trip."
"If they DID invite themselves, then as someone else said… idk about the AH but def a pushover."-kns04f
"YTA 1: having no backbone, not knowing how to say no but we blame the 'authoritarian' MIL."
"2: You invited them yourself but then you complain to your husband."
"Once again you pass the responsibility onto someone other than yourself."
"3: come complain on Reddit."- mikoline97
There were a few, however, who understood the OP wanting some time away from their in-laws while on vacation, and felt it was their husband's job to manage their parents:
"NTA."
"For wanting SOME separate from the in-laws."
"My dad took me, my hubby, my oldest so. & his GF to Italy."
"Although we did a lot of touristy stuff as a group, we still had moments of time alone."
"And your hubby can go babysit his parents while you treat your toddler to fun stuff his parents won't be happy with."- Far_Satisfaction_365
"NTA."
"However you should learn boundaries not just for yourself but also for the in laws."
"You should have kept Disney for your husband and son and found another trip to invite the in laws on."
"If they aren't at all interested in Disney I understand why your husband feels weird leaving them behind."
"It's not at all unreasonable to have some solo time w son and husband on a 9 day trip."
"I just think literally any other trip besides a theme park would be so much easier for them to enjoy when not with your nuclear family."
"It's very niche and not really something you can enjoy without kids or as a big Disney fan."
"If they're able bodied and travel on their own maybe do some research and just give them recommendations on things they might enjoy other than Disney."- Lovelylois
Even if the OP's MIL's behavior is on the controlling side, one can't really begrudge a grandmother for wanting to spend time with her grandson.
However, as this was a vacation the OP was planning, they did have the right to make this one only for their family, particularly if they knew how much more stressful the vacation would become should their in-laws join them.
If it is important for the OP to learn that it is sometimes ok, even necessary, to say no, it might be more important to first have an open conversation about their MIL's controlling behavior...
