Content Warning: Mentions of Domestic Abuse and Narcissism
It should be a golden rule that a person will never throw out another person's things without their consent. It might be "just a shirt," "just a photo," or "just a toy" to anybody else, but to one person, it's worth breaking up over.
Because sometimes it's not the thing itself but what that thing represents, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Open_Being_5210 had a special bin of childhood belongings they'd kept for memories, but their absolute favorite was their cat pillow named 'NightNight.'
When they realized that NightNight did not make it through the move, and discovered their fiancé was to blame, the Original Poster (OP) immediately called off their engagement.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by breaking off my engagement because my fiancé threw away 'NightNight,' my favorite childhood toy?"
The OP was shocked to discover what did not make it through their move.
"My fiancé and I were preparing to move to a new apartment when I noticed that my beloved 'NightNight' (my favorite childhood toy) was no longer in my bin of childhood belongings."
"I thought that it might have been misplaced in the chaos of packing for the move."
The OP was horrified when they learned the truth.
"When my fiancé got home from work, I asked them if they had seen NightNight anywhere."
"That is when they told me that they threw NightNight away, because it was 'a s**tty 90s cat pillow that is falling apart.'"
"I couldn't believe that they threw NightNight away without even talking to me first, and now I am distraught."
The OP didn't realize until that moment that NightNight was an immediate deal breaker.
"I told them that I couldn't get married to someone who could be so selfish."
"AIO for breaking it off?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that this would have been a deal breaker for them, too.
"NOR. Something like that is a dealbreaker for me."
"I have my favorite childhood stuffy and my baby blanket. They live on the couch. I am middle-aged, and I dare anyone to touch either one." - Ok-Perspective-5109
"I've restored my 'blankie' twice. I'm almost 35. And blankie has gotten some hard use. I still sleep with it."
"My husband brings it to me when I'm sad or sick or just need some comfort."
"My dad has repaired it twice, and it's still going strong! Although barely any of the original is showing anymore." - Izharsh
"My Stieff teddy bear is 65+ years old, and he sits in our living room. Nobody better mess with Kokey." - Professional_Bit1805
"I have a stuffed panda that my dad won for me at a fair when I was three. I'm 48 now, and my dad has been dead for 19 years. My panda is one of the few things I have left that remind me of him."
"OP, you are NOR." - pryzzlicious
"NOR. I was distraught when my mom took away my beloved BaBa when I was a teenager. (Well, she took her to repair her, because she was falling apart, and then she got lost in a move.)"
"My partner got me the exact same lamb for my Birthday a couple years ago because he knew how much it meant to me. He doesn’t even judge me for sleeping with her every night."
"Your fiancé is an insensitive person." - zombie-magnet
"When we were moving into our new house when my daughter was about nine, we were going through everything to decide what to keep and not keep. She decided to get rid of this Blue plush from 'Blue's Clues.'"
"No issues until, like, 1:00 AM when she came into the bedroom crying, because she realized she didn't want to throw her away."
"I went through the bags in pitch black to find it. She's 21 now and still sleeps with her on her bed. I couldn't imagine just throwing something away that I knew was important to my kiddo." - I-remember-myspace
"NOR, my husband has welcomed all my sentimental belongings with love and grace."
"He is a man who doesn’t like a lot of stuff, but he made room for everything special to me, bought me a giant display cabinet and stuffed animal chains and floating bookshelves so everything is neat and organized. He upgraded my treasures."
"A man worthy of spending your life with will love every piece of you and make room for them in your life together." - ZealousidealChest796
Others cautioned the OP that this was a sign of disrespect and apathy before even getting married.
"NOR. This is a warning of things to come." - EvaSirkowski
"NOR. It’s immensely disrespectful."
"He deliberately threw away something irreplaceable and immensely sentimental of yours on purpose without telling you because he knew it was wrong and you’d stop him. Knowing you’d be upset about it but doing it anyway."
"He made a unilateral decision about your belongings."
"Do not marry this man. You’re making the right choice. He thinks his opinion is the only one that matters." - xray_anonymous
"My significant other is Autistic. We've been decluttering in anticipation of our first child together. I held up EVERY SINGLE ITEM for him to make sure he was okay with it getting trashed."
"The OP is definitely NOR." - clynkirk
"NOR. And don't listen to the gaslighting when he tries to say, 'I can't believe you're throwing away this relationship over a pillow.'"
"It's not really about the pillow, is it? It's about the lack of respect the lack of empathy."
"I had a father who used to do that s**t, like, 'I was cleaning up; you don't need that stuff.' But it ain't yours to decide, man; it ain't yours to decide; don't put your grubby hands on my belongings and do anything with them but like they're not yours to make a decision about."
"That was absolutely no respect for you, no consideration of what your feelings would have been."
"NOR. Cut your losses now." - Casual_Observer_62
"NOR. Throwing out something with great sentimental value is unforgivable."
"You might have dodged a bullet here, OP. This is a forewarning of general disrespect for you." - mum_with_no_brain
"No. F**k them for real. Any human with any amount of respect for you would've considered your feelings and at least talked to you about it."
"This shows a lack of respect and a lack of consideration for you and your feelings at the most basic level. You can do better." - JunkMaiden
"This is absolutely a reason to throw someone out of your house and break off. He crossed the boundary and threw away something that was precious to you. People who care about you don't do that."
"Years ago, I was married and had to work three days later than usual, and when I got home from work, my new husband told me that he had found my box of memorabilia and thrown it away. I told him if he didn't have it back in my house within 20 minutes, he could get the h**l out."
"Luckily, the dumpster in the apartment we lived in had not been emptied yet. He brought it back. I told him if he ever touched any of my s**t again or crossed the boundary like that, then I would absolutely end the relationship immediately, because it was so disrespectful."
"Six months later, I divorced him. When people show you who they are, listen."
"He just showed you who he was: self-centered, petty, jealous, and controlling. Get out now while you can do so easily." - NamasteNoodle
"My first husband was very abusive in all the ways and also cheated multiple times."
"But the thing that finally got me to the point where I didn't care anymore what the consequences of leaving him would be... was when, in a fit of cruelty, he threw my Paddington away."
"That bear had been with me through EVERYTHING. I considered him my son."
"I will never, ever forgive him for that."
"NOR." - WolfRadish_Official
"NOR. This was something they knew was important to you, and they literally destroyed it."
"Why would you want to spend your life with someone who demonstrated a complete disregard for your feelings?" - Perfect-Sugar-6354
The subReddit was completely on the OP's side and believed that this was worth breaking up over, not just because of taking something away that wasn't theirs to take, but for the clear sign of apathy and disrespect that throwing it away represented.
If the OP's partner cared about them, they might have brought up their concerns and discussed possible solutions, which realistically could have included throwing it away, but at least the choice then would have been the OP's.
If they were willing to take things away, including the OP's right to choose, there was no telling what they would attempt to take after the OP was "trapped" from walking down the aisle.
