Though an 18-year-old is legally an adult, many 18-year-olds are still in high school and still figuring things out. Putting too much pressure on someone who’s just barely not a kid anymore is unrealistic.
But there are parents in the world who are ready to take advantage of their 18-year-olds’ new adulthood through paying rent, increased responsibilities, or even kicking them out, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Pleasant-Object4875 was more than happy to help her parents around the house, even where her younger siblings were concerned, but when she turned 18, she began to struggle to balance all of the work her parents expected her to do in addition to completing high school.
When she struggled to keep up, and they accused her of “being lazy” and “taking advantage of them,” the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to move out of her ungrateful parents’ house and never look back.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my parents I won’t move back in with them because they’re ungrateful a**holes?”
The OP moved out when her parents accused her of doing nothing and taking advantage of them.
“I (18 Female) am my parents’ oldest child, and I moved out of their house six weeks ago, because my parents accused me of being lazy, doing nothing to help out around the house, treating them like my servants, and making life more difficult.”
“In reality, I was doing the most to help them. I cooked four nights a week, went grocery shopping twice a week, helped my mom meal-prep lunches every Sunday, got my siblings to and from school, did the dishes every night, and I would do my own chores and my siblings’ chores when they were being difficult.”
“I also was paying rent after I turned 18. I turned 18 in April and started paying rent then.”
“But my parents expected more out of me, and I hadn’t finished high school yet. I tried my best, though, because I wanted to help my family.”
“It was when they accused me of doing nothing and taking advantage of them that I was like, what the f**k?!”
“We got into a fight, and I packed up my stuff and left that night. I stayed at my best friend’s house for three nights, and then I moved in with my grandparents.”
“They will not let me pay rent. They sometimes let me help them with chores, but they don’t want me doing as much as I did at home. They were shocked that my mom would be like that when she was not raised that way.”
Weeks later, the OP’s parents demanded that she come home.
“It took three weeks for my parents to demand to know when I was coming home, and I said never.”
“Then they were saying I needed to keep helping at home, and I asked how I could keep helping when they’d already said I did nothing.”
“They told me I was too young to move out, and I reminded them I’m 18, and legally, I could move out without them needing to approve.”
The OP’s parents finally admitted that things at home were harder without her around.
“They reached out a couple more times, and I ignored them. Then last week they said we needed to talk, and I asked them what about.”
“They said things at home were rough without me, and I was needed at home, and that I had to stop behaving like this and help them.”
“I told them I won’t ever move back in with them because they’re ungrateful a**holes who want me to take over for them and never appreciate me for it.”
“I said I did nothing before, according to them, so they should be fine, since clearly they were doing it all before, and I said I would keep my lazy a** with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“My parents said I was being a real b***h, and parents and kids fight all the time, and I need to get over it.”
The OP wasn’t interested in going back after how she was treated.
“They really hurt and annoyed me at the same time when they said I did nothing, like, what the f**k?”
“It came from nowhere, too. It makes me believe they expected me to take over running the house entirely when I turned 18, and when I couldn’t balance their demands with school, they accused me of just doing nothing at all. I don’t want to be a part of that.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had done more than enough and was NTA.
“OP, have your parents even once said sorry for treating you badly? If not, then you already know the answer to your question. Be safe, OP. NTA.” – ThisIs_americuhhh
“I think you’re right, OP, they did expect you to take over at 18. I would guess that if you stayed, they would charge you more and more rent until they were keeping your entire paycheck. Good for you for leaving, and I am so glad your grandparents took you in.” – Go-Mellistic
“NTA. I’m glad you had somewhere to go to escape that bulls**t. Your parents were absolutely taking advantage of you. I hope you stick to your guns and don’t let your parents guilt-trip or gaslight you into feeling like you still owe them anything.” – Sanford-And-Anfield
“NTA. They called your bluff and lost. Funny how you did ‘nothing,’ but now the house is falling apart without you. Stay with your grandparents.” – _LoneMaverick_
“My blood boils just reading this post. Clearly, I get p**sed off at the ingratitude of your parents and the false accusation of not helping. Good for you for walking away from that nonsense and standing firm.”
“Expect to hear from your siblings next as they get assigned all the work you were doing. I’m sure your grandparents are enjoying your helping hand. Get going on the rest of your life, especially since you know how to take care of business!” – MeatoKings
A few also urged the OP to make sure she had all important documents and bank account access.
“If your parents are on your bank account because it was opened when you were younger and needed an adult on the account, get a new account. You are over 18, so open a new individual account, so your parents do not have access to your money.” – Slightlysanemomof5
“Get a new account at a different bank so they can’t talk their way into your account and so that they don’t know where the account is. Cover your bases.” – Dismal-Remote-3906
“An 18-year-old might not know this, but Google ‘locking your credit’ for the procedure on how to do this. At the same time, get a copy of your credit report.”
“If you cannot get your birth certificate and social security card from your parents, you can get a new social security card from the Social Security Administration, and you can get a new birth certificate by downloading a form from the county website of the county where you were born.”
“You will likely need the form notarized; your bank or a UPS store is the place for that. You want those documents now because if you need them for a job or school, you won’t have time to get them.” – oxmix74
“Echoing what others have also said: make sure you lock down ALL your bank accounts and look up how to set up ways to protect from not having credit opened in your name.”
“Also, redirect mail to your new address: you can go to the PO and purchase redirects for a year, that way any tree Spam for credit cards goes to YOU and not them. I’d even go so far as to get a P.O. Box for your mail, so your parents can’t ‘stop by’ and raid your grandparents’ mailbox (weirder and worse things have happened).” – MissLickerish
Others were so grateful that the OP had her grandparents in her corner.
“Stay with your grandparents and help them with chores and dinner. I am sure they would appreciate it. Also, I hope you aren’t paying rent anymore.”
“Your parents f**ked around and found out. Shame on them.” – Anniebelle1020
“Please stay with your grandparents! You are NTA, but your parents are big ones.” – BerneDoodleLover24
“I can’t even begin to imagine the shock and shame your grandparents feel for how your mother turned out to be. I’m just relieved you have them in your corner. NTA.” – LeoPines_12
“Good for your Grandparents! Stay with them. NTA to you, and NTA to them. HUUUUGE YTA to your parents, god.” – Constant_Host_3212
“NTA, absolutely NOT! I’m so glad you have kind & loving grandparents who’ve given you the care and support you deserve and need, and sadly were sorely missing from your own parents.”
“It is heartbreaking and infuriating to me that they’ve treated you so horribly as their child. It’s beyond comprehension that they could be so callous and cruel towards you.”
“You are brave, smart, industrious, and compassionate. You have strong values and are ethically driven, unlike your soulless, narcissistic parents. We are all so proud of you for working as hard as you have in taking care of your siblings.”
“But it was time you had to break away from their exploitation; otherwise, the wear and tear would have certainly worsened, and who knows what they would have done to block any opportunities for your future. Whether that meant job or educational prospects that might have removed you from their servitude and thereby creating the inconvenient void that they are now experiencing and are realizing how they really f**ked up badly.”
“Too bad their indentured servant is gone. Never go back. You know and believe in your worth. Let them wallow in their own condemnation.”
“Please take the detailed advice by the supporters here to gather your important personal, legal, and financial documents. (Social security, passport, insurance, birth certificate, bank accounts with your name, etc.)”
“You cannot allow them to ruin your good credit or to create impossibly ruinous debt in your name by using your social security number to take out loans, credit cards and other debt instruments in your name. Protect your financial credit and history as a priority.”
“We’re all rooting for you. We know what an exceptional person you are for someone so young, to have endured such an unkind parentage. In spite of your treatment, you retained optimism and conscientiously worked hard for your ungrateful parents. You tried to protect your siblings through your care.”
“As a minor child of the family, you were subjected to complying with the adults’ demands to work as an actual grown adult within the household, without giving you even charitable consideration by your own parents.”
“You paid rent to live in that household, and yet, they never paid you for the multiple services you rendered as a child under their parental control.”
“To repeat, because it is so stupidly outrageous and so sh**ty: you worked for FREE, and still PAID RENT as a MINOR CHILD to unencumbered parents.”
“WTF?!” – Material-Ad-4445
The subReddit was shocked by how the OP had been treated and even more shocked that her parents had stooped to accusing her of “doing nothing” when she couldn’t keep up with all the demands they were putting on their 18-year-old daughter who was still attending school.
It seemed far better for the OP to be with her grandparents, who were open to her focusing on her studies and her future, rather than taking advantage of her. Since her parents were confident she “did nothing,” they’d surely be able to pick up the slack without an issue.