Nowadays, everyone has an opinion on what the best dieting and eating habits are, but some people feel a bit too entitled to share them, even when nobody asked.
A man on Reddit found himself in this situation with one of his girlfriend’s friends who is a nutritionist and would not stop offering unsolicited opinions on his eating habits. So, he gave her a rather snarky response.
After she got offended, he questioned how he handled the situation, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for flashing my abs after getting unsolicited diet advice?”
He explained:
“Last Saturday, I (30/m[ale]) was meeting my girlfriend’s (25/f[emale]) friends for the first time. Since I’m currently in the middle of an intense weightlifting program, I’m eating a crazy amount. My girlfriend being the champion she is decided that we could go to a nice all-you-can-eat buffet in our city for lunch with her friends.”
“We met in front of the restaurant where she introduced me to her friends (two women and one man). About 30 minutes into lunch, the conversation turned to fitness/nutrition because someone had asked what I was interested in.”
“Around that time I got my third full plate of ham, chicken, veggies, and a big bowl of macaroni because I could. I mean, I grew up with serious food insecurity. If I’m going to spend $60 to eat at a buffet, I’m going to be the reason the buffet doesn’t cost $50 instead.”
“Around this time one of her friends, a nutritionist, told me I was eating way too much. I honestly thought this crossed the line because who the hell says something like that at a freaking buffet of all places? I responded by assuring her that I was lifting really hard and trying to gain weight.”
“This apparently was interpreted as an open invitation to give me more unsolicited advice, so she continued that I was going to put on a lot of bodyfat and overstress my organs eating like that all the time, plus I couldn’t put muscle mass on that quickly anyway.”
“I let her rant run its course thinking it would be over soon, but she kept pushing the issue every time I said I was fine. This easily went on for five minutes while everyone else was talking about other stuff. Eventually I got tired of it, stood up, and pulled up my T-shirt to show my abs. I told her I had been eating like this for several months and if she could show me where I was getting metabolic syndrome.”
“She then continued debating about how I probably had a lot of visceral fat (32″ waist) and that she was only trying to help. Again, I told her I was fine and kept eating. Finally the other people at the table remembered we existed and there was a lot of awkward silence.”
“Well, yesterday my girlfriend approached me and said her friends don’t like me very much. We had already argued about this on Saturday after we all left, and I told her what I did was absolutely reasonable considering the circumstances. Now she’s giving me these cryptic messages about how much she values her friends and how she has known them longer than she has known me. I’m afraid I stepped over a line, but was I really wrong here?”
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were no more a fan of the nutritionist’s approach than OP was.
“Her nutritionist friend should probably brush up on professional ethics while she’s at it. Unsolicited advice is a definite no-no.” –HopefulConcentrate73
“And OP, you really should put your foot down with her about this. Tell her in detail what her friend did to you, and then tell her, in no uncertain terms, that you won’t allow her friends to harrass you, and you expect her to run interference when “her people” are unreasonably unpleasant to you.” –JadieJang
“Right? If he had been obese or extremely insecure and that obnoxious friend had kept on like that then everyone would be up in arms defending OP, including his gf and the others in attendance.”
“But, since he’s a buff guy who seems secure in himself it apparently opens him up to (and means he should sit and take) unsolicited, unhelpful and, quite frankly, rude criticism? Fu*k that noise. NTA OP.” –DaburaDemonQueen2
“NTA Unsolicited diet advice in a buffet restaurant is always a bad idea. If you want to salvage your relationship, ask your girlfriend to clarify her cryptic messages. It sounds like she is okay with your weight-training and eating but then she’s okay with her friend harassing the crap out of you. It sounds like this is a new relationship?” –HortenseDaigle
“OP, you are NTA. It’s never ok to give anyone unsolicited diet advice, whether you are a nutritionist or not, whether they are fit or not. She was being rude and your girlfriend should back you up.” –aburke626
“You’d really think she would be more sensitive about that kind of thing given that she has no idea about his history with food. For all she knew he, or someone else at the table, may have struggled or currently struggle with disordered eating and her comments are very much not helpful. She didn’t come from a place of wanting to help, she came from a place of wanting to judge him.”
“If she was so concerned she should have pulled him aside after to talk. Not gone after him in public.” –lelakat
“NTA – your response was kind funny haha. If a man (even if he was a nutritionist) sat there and criticised a woman what she was eating it would be a major no-go amongst the people there. But for some reason she just kept pushing? I get it was maybe a bit embarrassing for her but I don’t think it’s the biggest of deals… weird that she’s taken it so badly.” –juiceboxfriend95
“My take is that she’s interpreting it as gendered dismissal. She assumed she was right and that he was dismissing her professional opinion because she is a woman. It didn’t occur to her that she was wrong or that she didn’t have enough sports training and nutrition specific experience to understand his situation.”
“Therefore she took offense.” –PattersonsOlady
“I’ve worked as a personal trainer and nutritionist for a decade now and there is one rule everyone in my line of work follows: ‘Never, ever, ever give unsolicited advice to anyone, friends or otherwise, unless they are about to get seriously hurt, or they explicitly ask for it'”
“Even if she was right, which she wasn’t, it’s super unprofessional, even more so at a restaurant. Imagine your doctor friends pestering you about every beer you drink or every cigarette you light over and over again. Or therapist friends psychoanalyzing your every word and action…. It’s bad manners all the way around.”
“Things like that are talked about in a private, professional setting for a reason.” –Gilgameshbrah
“She chose a buffet so that OP would clearly demonstrate what she was likely complaining about. This gave the friend the perfect opening to insert her ”expertise.” She then made sure she was distracted with the other friends while the “expert” did what she invited her to do.” –Xilften00
“NTA- her friend was incredibly rude. If you want to mention it once-it’s rude, no matter her profession. She’s not at work and you’re not a client. To belabor the issue ad nauseam is outrageous.”
“Your GF is also an a**hole for not standing up to her in public, and doubly an a**hole for doubling down on you in private.”
“Feel free to reassure her that you don’t want to make her choose between you and her friends, but also feel free to tell her you’re not a child and have no interest in her friends’ unsolicited advice, regardless of her intention.”
“Her response is going to tell you a lot about where this relationship is headed.” –beebsaleebs
“NTA. It’s inappropriate to comment on others’ eating habits, bodies, and health in general unless you’re explicitly invited to, even more so if it’s your first time meeting them! Also, as a medical professional, she should know better than to make such strident assumptions about your health based on knowing you for a single meal 🤨” –himbonation
“Anyone can claim to be a nutritionist, there is no educational requirements or professional registration. There are plenty of jobs you can get right out of high school with “nutritionist” in the title, hell there is a local health food shop near me and the people who stack the shelves, ring up the till ect all have “nutritionist” on their badge as their “title”. Dietician is the protected title for a medical professional working in this area.” –Cookyy2k
Hopefully OP and his girlfriend can get past this.