Some people go to great lengths to give their loved ones gifts that are truly personal.
Something that they know will have special meaning to them for the rest of their lives.
Others don’t put quite as much thought or effort into gift-giving and give them something that isn’t exactly meaningful, but they know they will like, or at least find useful.
Either way, giving someone a gift is always appreciated, as it shows that you are thinking of them.
Redditor Adorable_Machine_571 wasn’t quite sure their mother-in-law (MIL) was thinking of them when she gave them Christmas presents.
As she recently contacted the original poster (OP) and their family, expressing her hope that they might use their presents on her.
Something the OP wasn’t remotely interested in doing.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not using gift cards on person who gifted them?”
The OP explained why they were a bit taken aback by a recent invitation from their MIL:
“My MIL gave us and our kids gift cards for the Dec holidays – mainly restaurants for smaller $ amounts between $25 and $50.”
“The other day she texts my husband and I saying, ‘shall we go out today and use one of the gift cards?'”
“Confused, I said, ‘what gift cards do you have?'”
“She replied the ones she gave us, and she didnt have them with her since I took them all with me.”
“I replied that I didnt know I wasn’t supposed to take them with me…as they’re a gift.”
“She still insists that whenever we use them, we take her with us.”
“I think it’s ridiculous, and my husband has stayed quiet.”
“I’ve been LC with her for about a year, so with the amounts barely covering one person if we went out, it’s likely a way to force her way into still seeing us.”
“AITA For wanting to use the gift cards and not have stipulations tied to them?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that they were not the a**hole for refusing to use their gift card on their MIL.
Everyone agreed that if, as the OP’s MIL gave those gift cards as a gift, then the OP had the right to use them however they wanted, which did not have to be on her. Many others were surprised and disappointed by the lack of support from the OP’s husband:
“NTA but the true problem here is: ‘My husband stays silent’.”
“Yeah, that bs would not fly with me.”- LadyWiezeI
“NTA.”
“Your MIL is a master manipulator.”
“She didn’t give you gifts, she gave you obligations.”
“Just tell her you used them already.”
“AND point out that next time she should not give ‘gifts’ that come with expectations.”
“That’s not a gift.”- ADK7107
“NTA.”
“Your MIL is manipulative, and that is tacky.”
“Your husband needs to deal with her, and I would just block her at this point.”- friendlily
“Wow.”
“Just…wow.”
“NTA.”
“This is an entitled and ridiculous expectation.”
“A GIFT does not come with stipulations.”
“That’s not how they work.”- ContentHermit_13
“NTA.”
“Your MIL has no class.”- ZZ9ZA
“Lol NTA.”
“Imagine if every gift came with her logic.”
“If she got you a TV for Christmas, she’d have to be at your house whenever you watch it.”
“A gift is a gift, and when you give something in that context, you have no control over how the recipient can use it.”- Far_Quantity_6133
“NTA.”
“Tell her you’ve already spent them.”- Living-Ear8015
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t even be tactful.”
“Just send them back to her.”
“I just have a massive issue with people dictating how gifted money is spent.”– No_No_Juice
“NTA.”
“But props to MIL for being so devious – what an interesting way to insist on more contact.”
“If you’re in the position to return the adult ones – go for it.”
“Get the kids to spend theirs ASAP on the things they want.”
“Then be done.”- MsAsphyxia
“NTA.”
“Gifts are gifts, they do not come with an obligation.”
“Refuse any further gift cards from her.”- ErisianSaint
“NTA.”
“‘Oh gosh I’m so sorry, I was confused. I thought you gave us gifts to treat ourselves with. I didn’t realize they were for you. It seemed like they were gifts. How about I pay you for them since we took them and used them?'”
“I’m mean and petty.”
“You could also do the better option and say you already used them without the snark.”
“Depends on if your family wants her around or not, and that’s a convo for you and your husband, not reddit.”- Fatt3stAveng3r
“NTA.”
“A gift card is, by definition, a gift.”
“A gift is given without expectation of anything in return.”
“The cards are for you and your kids to use as they wish.”
“She does not get to dictate what they use it for, or that she be included.”- alien_overlord_1001
“NTA.”
“And I am petty and would probably point out to her that the gift card is only enough to barely, maybe cover one person.”
“So ask her if the gift was intended to cost you money?”- laneykaye65
“NTA.”
“Manipulative BS for sure.”
“I have a parent like this (example: bought me a gift card for a restaurant right near her house even though I live two states away and rarely visit).”
“The people suggesting to say you used them are wrong.”
“The right answer is to return them to her, saying I’m sorry I thought these were gifts.”
“You might even add ‘these aren’t really restaurants that we go to anyway. Sounds like you might be able to use them though!'”
“Do it with a pleasant tone, no sarcasm.”
“She’ll try to give them back to you or say ‘they were for us to use together!'”
“Stay firm and kindly say ‘no, I think you’ll be able to use them much more than we will’.”
“You don’t want to be in her ‘debt’,” either by keeping these cards or by implying that you used them already.”- PointlessDiscourse
“NTA.”
“Seems like something my insane mom would do if she weren’t so cheap and we weren’t long NC.”
“You’ve got the right idea, being LC.”
“Don’t let her dictate your life.”- Melonfarmer86
“NTA.”
“Hand them to husband and let him decide what to do about it.”
“If MIL calls you again, refer her to her son.”- bumknee3
“NTA, there is a right way to give a gift that’s meant for the gifter to spend time with the giftee.”
“She didn’t communicate that it was meant for your family to spend time with her when she gave the gift and gifts should never be obligations.”- Mushroomvenom
“NTA.”
“That’s so manipulative.”
“Just tell her the kids already spent them, as they were gifts and not a down payment for a lunch date.”- Suitable_cataclysm
“NTA.”
“’Oh, sorry, we already used them!’”
“If her goal was to take you out to dinner, the way to do that would’ve been with a card that says something like ‘Merry Christmas! For your present this year, I’m going to take you all out to a restaurant of your choice. Pick a day that works for you, and we’ll make it happen!’”
“Or that says she’ll take you all to a specific restaurant she knows you either really like or really want to try but can’t go to often.”
“Certainly not to give you a gift card that won’t cover dinner for everyone!”- 7Mars
“NTA.”
“I would have your husband give them back to her and then go super LC.”- doncroak
“If she wanted to join you each time you used the gift cards that should have been explained as part of the gift, because with that knowledge you could decide how you want to respond.”
“She can’t add stipulations to a gift from last month.”
“Personally, I’d be tempted to give them back and agree not to exchange gifts in the future.”
“NTA.”- CaliforniaJade
“NTA, that’s bizarre.”
“I have a similar but also opposite situation.”
“My grandma never lets me pay when we go out and will cry if I sneak it lmao, so I buy her gift cards.”
“She also refuses to use the gift cards I buy her without me.”
“It’s my way of trying to pay for at least some dinners, but I’d never insist she use them with me.”-
master0fcats
It would be pretty sad indeed if the OP’s MIL only gave them the gift cards as a way of spending time with them.
A grandmother never needs a reason to want to see her children and grandchildren.
But you can’t help but feel that giving someone a gift card to use herself was a bit counterintuitive.
Who is really being treated in that scenario?