Vegans have a reputation of being overbearing because of a vocal minority.
But even the most vocal vegan doesn’t justify an irrational hatred of for all vegans.
One mother is dealing with the repercussions of her husband’s irrational hatred. Uncertain her response was appropriate, she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Frustratedaita asked:
“AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Obligatory throwaway account because I don’t want angry vegans in my inbox.”
“My husband is from the south and let me just say this, he hates vegans. His family is a stereotypical country one and they get ridiculously mad when they see Beyond Meat etc… adverts on the TV.”
“They’re practically vegan phobic and hate any menu which says suitable for vegetarians or vegans etc…”
“This never really bothered me and I thought it was funny because I ate meat and I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“My daughter (now 6) was born allergic to a lot of things, like eggs and is also intolerant to lactose and grass, pollen etc… She rarely got to go to birthday parties because we couldn’t let her eat anything there.”
“When she was a baby my husband ate an egg sandwich and kissed her and she broke out in hives and we had to take her to the doctor. All new foods were tried under medical supervision.”
“While she can eat meat, she can’t eat any fun meat like nuggets because of egg contact. One of the kids she recently met with is our new neighbour who is around four houses away.”
“They are completely vegan and their son doesn’t eat anything they don’t. So at his birthday she could eat the actual cake and not a muffin I’d sent.”
“It cheered her up and they had play dates—even when we weren’t supposed to. I was glad she made a friend.”
“His parents hadn’t called for a while and didn’t pick up our calls.”
“When I saw his dad while I was out I was like ‘hey what’s wrong‘ and he was really hostile, telling me to never talk to him or his wife again and that he’d pray for my daughter.”
“I thought that was crossing the line. He pulled his phone out and showed me a very rude text from my husband.”
“I didn’t believe his story that my husband started a fight, but when I asked [my husband] about it he was proud that Shelia wasn’t hanging out with hippies.”
“I remembered the vegan hate and I was like until he apologized to that family and they agreed to let their kid play with ours, I’d never cook meat again.”
“He said I needed to get over it and do my job, but I am cooking—just not what he would like.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Overall Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole, but her husband definitely was.
“NTA and wha…. A spouse telling me to ‘do your job’ in reference to a household chore would put me right on strike.”
“I wouldn’t stop cooking meat for the guy, I’d stop cooking for him. He sounds like an objectively horrible person to be so callous toward your daughter’s friendship and so proud of picking a fight and insulting others.”
“Of course, the fact that you thought this kind of hatred was just sort of funny until it impacted your child makes me wonder a little about you…” ~ TimeandEntropy
“Info: why are you married to this guy?”
“My husband’s family are a bunch of redneck, meat eating, hunting, country bumpkins, and I’ve never EVER witnessed them being angry at a Beyond ad or a menu that says it has vegan options. I’ve never witnessed ANYONE acting like your husband and his family.”
“Personally, I wouldn’t want to raise a kid with someone who’s so intolerant that they pick fights with neighbors over what they decide to eat in their own home.” ~ jhonotan1
“You don’t want angry vegans in your inbox, but you married into a family that gets ‘ridiculously mad’ at tv adverts and they hate menus?!”
“Christ. I’ve never been that mad at either of those things.”
“You’re NTA but it’s worrying that your husband has put his own rage, stupidity and fragile masculinity ahead of his own daughter’s serious dietary restrictions.” ~ foxsabina2010
“You know her constantly angry at everybody husband doesn’t bother her cause he’s not vegan.” ~ breadedapple
However after a couple comments by the OP, people were no longer willing to let her off the hook.
“NTA, but I almost want to call you the a**hole for staying with someone so nasty.”
“Your husband literally ruined your daughter’s one friendship over something insanely petty, and your only way of dealing with that is not cooking him meat? That sounds like an insane underreaction to me.”
“Edit: ESH because it’s pretty clear OP doesn’t actually care much to deal with her husband’s behavior and defends him at every turn.” ~ beckdawg19
“ESH. Well, except for your daughter and the neighbors. How many perfectly nice people, minding their own business, did your husband insult before this, with you chuckling at his side?”
“And if he’s been an a** like this all along, are you really so surprised that his actions, ignorance, and bullying have finally hit close to home? Sounds to me like you both need to grow up and learn some tolerance.”
“It is unfortunate that your neighbors and two children got caught up in your obvious and blatant disregard for the feelings and personal choices of other people. Time to take a good, long look at your own part in this.” ~ EDJardin
“ESH except the vegan family and your daughter. I’ve read your comments and you make so many excuses for your husband.”
“You excused his hate for vegans and his behavior until it personally impacted you. I wonder what else you excuse because it hasn’t personally impacted you.”
“Your husband is an AH for obvious reasons.” ~ TypicalManagement680
“As someone with an a**hole dad but an okay mom who still defends my dad, your daughter will start to hate you just as much for defending this behavior.”
“My dad started making fun of depression after I talked about a suicidal friend in his ear shot. When I mentioned him being such an a**hole my mom gave excuse after excuse.”
“When I move out in a few months I know I will not be talking to my dad anymore. And I also have half a mind to stop all contact with my mom as well because she never defended me.”
“You will have the same outcome with your daughter. Stop him now if you want a relationship with her.” ~ CastlebAby
“Yeah the wife is absolutely an enabler by apathy until it actually affected her. The daughter has a long and rough adolescence in store for her.” ~ Twisty1020
“And on the flip side my mom stood up for us against my dad and took care of us and protected us from his bullsh*t… I no longer have much contact with my dad but I am extremely close to my mom and very thankful that she didn’t let us get raised in a sh*t situation.” ~ BloopityBlue
“100% agree. Her husband is a huge a**hole with some seriously toxic and f’ked up views yet she refuses to acknowledge it, instead letting him walk all over her and her daughter.”Â
“It’s obvious she’s not [the a**hole] (TA) for something being said to the other family she wasn’t even aware of, but she is TA for continuing to stay with and validate her husband. ‘I won’t cook meat anymore’ is already an underreaction in this scenario and I have zero faith after reading her comments that she’d even be able to follow through on that.” ~ evo_lve
“The sort of person that OP is (not giving a damn about toxic behaviors and attitudes unless/until it leaves a tangible affect on her day-to-day quality of life) shows that this incident is not an exception, but rather it would have been exceptional had it not happened.”
“Bonus points for the excuses she makes for her husband’s sexism.” ~ ZaraMikazuki
“Yes!! Why is she married to him? People like him just sound dumb, I’m sorry but he goes big red faced angry just because vegans exist??”
“And actively and proudly shows his hatred about anything related to veganism like some protestor?? It’s so ridiculous imagining him, LMAO, I don’t understand.” ~ mamiemelie
“She thought her husband’s hatred of everything vegan/vegetarian was funny.”
“She is equally an a**hole and condones his behaviour. She only cared now because it is impacting her daughter. If it didn’t and her husband was being an a**hole to the neighbour she would just think it’s funny.”
“She married him because she agrees, or at least condones, with his views and behaviour and has no problem with it.”
“Her underreaction is because she doesn’t think being an absolute a**hole is the problem. The problem here is that his action made their daughter sad.”
“She doesn’t care about being rude to the neighbour at all. And she is fine if husband is rude to other people as long as it didn’t impacted herself.”
“Also just remembered, this only happened because her daughter was born with a dairy allergy and the vegan family has food that her daughter can eat. If the daughter didn’t have the allergy, I would bet OP will continue to condone or even join in on the husband’s a**hole behaviour.” ~ KURAKAZE
While the early NTA votes may have given the OP the validation she wanted, the later comments definitely questioned her role in the end of her daughter’s friendship.