We always want to help our family as best we can.
However, no matter how much we want to help, sometimes doing so simply isn’t possible, owing to our schedules.
Most of the time, our families will understand this, as they know how valuable and complicated our own schedule is.
Unfortunately, not everyone is so understanding.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor WalkToSchool8967 needed a little help getting their daughter to school and turned to the original poster (OP) for help.
While the OP was sympathetic to her SIL’s situation, she told her that she couldn’t provide the necessary help.
An answer that the OP’s SIL simply could not accept.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my SIL to walk her daughter to school?”
The OP explained why they were unable to help their sister-in-law out:
“I (23 F[emale]) am a university graduate and live at home with my mother.”
“She owns the house with a mortgage that’s been fully paid off. I pay her rent (around half of the market rate for our area) and do most of the housework.”
“Me and my mother both work a lot, I work in healthcare and work irregular shift patterns and my mum is self-employed and occasionally has to travel for work.”
“My brother (31 M[ale]), his wife “Rose” (31 F) and their daughter (6 F) moved back into our mum’s house on Friday.”
“They got a mortgage on a home but it turned out to have a lot of maintenance issues, the biggest ones being with their toilet and shower not functioning.”
“Also their heating doesn’t work.”
“It’s estimated to take at least a month to fix everything so in the meantime they’re staying here.”
“Rose came to me and asked if I could take their daughter to school, as her school is a 5 minute drive from the hospital.”
“Normally their neighbour (who has a child the same age) would take her to school but that’s no longer an option.”
“My brother works full-time and his shifts clash with doing this (he starts at 7am) and he and Rose share a car, as she only works one shift a week on Sundays.”
“I told Rose that I can’t commit to taking my niece to school everyday.”
“She needs to be dropped off at school for 8am, and sometimes I’m doing overnight shifts that don’t finish until 9-10am or I’m doing shifts that start really early in the morning.”
“Rose got a bit upset and asked why I can’t just explain to my boss that I need to be available for school drop-off.”
“She didn’t wait for an answer and said she knows it’s not that simple but she needs me to help her.”
“In my job, if you start requesting restricted availability, they will give you way less shifts.”
“I couldn’t understand why Rose wouldn’t walk her daughter to school, as it’s a 15 minute walk from our mum’s house to get there, with no hills and plenty of safe crossings.”
“Rose and their daughter don’t have any health conditions that would make this not doable.”
“I asked Rose why she wouldn’t walk her daughter to school and she said that is too far to walk with a young child.”
“I showed her the distance on Google maps (I assumed she wasn’t aware of how close it was) and she reiterated that it was too far.”
“I said to Rose I think that’s her best option but I cannot take her daughter to school everyday.”
“Later that day my mum told me that Rose came to her really upset that I refused to help.”
“My mum said she knows I normally work irregular shifts but that it’d be a really nice thing for me to do.”
“I feel like I’m going crazy because when I was a kid I went to the same school and my mum walked me there and back from this house!”
“I said no and my mum said that’s fine I understand.”
“Now I’ve got my brother calling me selfish and he said it’s a small ask that even their neighbor could do it and I’m refusing.”
“Am I really such an a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to change her work schedule so she could walk her niece to school.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right in prioritizing her job, with many wondering why the OP’s SIL or brother couldn’t rearrange their schedules to take their daughter to work, seeing as they expected the OP to.
“NTA.”
“If your brother is so adamant that shifting your work schedule is such a reasonable request, tell him to change his own.”
“As her dad, he should be stepping up.”
“If he can’t change his work schedule to accommodate it, why would you be able to?”
“Who gets to leave early for school drop-offs?”
“Your SIL needs to stop being lazy.”- giantbrownguy
“NTA.”
“Not your child, her parents need to figure it out.”
“The entitlement, wow.”
“’Can you please change your schedule and possibly risk your job to take my daughter to school because I’m too lazy!’”
“Just yuck.”
“Stand your ground, you’re the only sensible person on this scenario.”- No-Culture-3540
“NTA.”
“By their own logic, the father of the children could shift his schedule to drop off his child.”
“How’s the kid getting home?”
“Walking?”- Neither-Dentist-7899
“NTA.”
“Your brother can talk to his boss to change his own hours to sort out his own children.”
“However, your SIL is completely able to walk 15 minutes with her child to get her to school.”
“Even if the walk was longer, it would still be doable.”
“When did people stop using their legs?”- Axiom713
“Your job is YOUR priority.”
“Her child should be HER priority.”
“That’s all there is to it.”
“You are absolutely NTA.”
“P.S. You may need to explain to your mom about getting fewer shifts if you limit your availability…in financial terms.”- wesmorgan1
“If I went to my work and said I needed to be available for school drop offs.”
“They would tell me…. Why?”
“You don’t have any children.”
“NTA.”- Gullible_Flow2693
“NTA.”
“It’s HER daughter, not yours.”- Ohaibaipolar
“NTA.”
“You have prior commitments (your job) which come above any commitment to your niece, who has two other adults to look after her.”- Marzipan_civil
“Well, if she expects you to explain to your boss why you need to take your NIECE.”
“Why can’t your brother explain to his boss about taking his DAUGHTER?”
“What they are asking is totally unreasonable.”
“Expect this next month to be really difficult with them there.”
“NTA.”- Lovealone88
“NTA.”
“A 15-minute walk is easy.”- SamBartlett1776
“NTA.”
“A 6-year-old is perfectly able to walk 15 minutes (I was doing it when I was 4) and that’s a perfectly good way to have some exercise.”
“Your SIL is lazy, and your niece is not your responsibility!”- Myriamjean
“NTA.”
“It’s not your job.”
“Also, I walk my 3-year-old 20 minutes to school and back home every weekday.”- runnyc10
“A 15-minute walk is totally fine for a child of 6!”
“NTA.”- carlosmurphynachos
“NTA.”
“Your brother can adjust his shifts if it’s such a simple thing to do.”
“Or they can look into paying the neighbor gas money to go out of her way.”- Ghahnima
“How’s she planning on getting her child home?”
“Does she sprout wings in the afternoon?”
“If it’s such a big deal, tell SIL to drive her husband to work because she needs the car.”
“NTA.”- 5footfilly
“NTA.”
“Your niece and her schooling are not suddenly your responsibility because your brother bought a lemon house.”
“If your sister-in-law says it’s too far to walk, then she can get a bike, get a scooter, or call an Uber.”
“Expecting you to change your work shifts when you are undoubtedly already shifting your life around to make room for their family in your home is a wild level of selfishness.”- ThePurplestMeerkat
“NTA.”
“They are 100% responsible for taking care of their child.”
“They can rent a car for a month, but… it’s not your problem to solve, and you have every right to decline being an option.”- Better-Radish-5757
“If your mum thinks you should be inconvenienced, maybe she should drive the kid to school?”
“Oh, wait, that would be an inconvenience for her.”
“NTA.”- Sea_Roof3637
The OP’s SIL appears to be one of those people who truly hate to be inconvenienced.
Although, in her eyes, being inconvenienced means being asked to spend a little extra time with her daughter by walking her to school, whereas the OP would need to put her job security at risk to do so.
It’s clear the OP’s SIL needs to sort out her priorities.
And it’s pretty sad that one of those priorities is her own daughter.