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Widow Called Out For Refusing To Let Sister Name Newborn After Her Recently Deceased Husband

Photo by Ben White/Unsplash

Death, grief and birth.

So many major life milestones.

And major points like these can be over the top stressful.

So it’s best if they don’t happen at all at once.

And if they do have to happen that way, it’s nice to be blessed and surrounded by people who care.

People who don’t can cause some chaos.

Case in point…

Redditor Oxandri wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my sister she can’t name her baby after my dead husband?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’ll be using fake names.”

“I (30 F[emale]) am 8 months pregnant with my first child, it’s a boy.”

“My husband Rodrigo (35 M[ale]) died in the army 3 months ago.”

“My sister Kayla (28 F) just gave birth five days ago.”

“She and her boyfriend live with our parents.”

“And I temporarily moved in as well (it’s a very big house) because I hated being alone and my parents have been very supportive.”

“We were going to name the baby Alex, and I am still going with that, plus Rodrigo as a middle name.”

“My sister never discussed baby names with me or the family.”

“She just always said she loves Hispanic names (we are white Americans, my husband was Mexican).”

“Yesterday she came back home with the baby and introduced us all to ‘baby boy Rodrigo.'”

“I started crying and told her that’s really awful of her.”

“My mother comforted me and told my sister she is way out of line with the name.”

“Sister says I don’t own the name.”

“It’s a common name where we live (it is) and I am going with Rodrigo a middle name anyway, not a first, so it won’t be a problem.”

“I told my sister to just change the name to literally anything else.”

“She says I’m an AH for suggesting she changes her kid’s identity.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. Her kid doesn’t have an identity yet.”

“But she sounds so selfish, she will never do it.”

“Do yourself a favor and find your own place before giving birth and move out.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss.”  ~ Primary-Criticism929

“NTA and I am also a very pale Caucasian chick, but I have a very common Hispanic name.”

“But when we announced my daughter’s name, I got a lot of crap for giving her a ‘black’ name.”

“Like what? It’s a name???”

“Why does it matter what I name her??”

“She’s 4 now and that name suits her perfectly!!”  ~ mrichm1994

“NTA. If she thought you might be okay with it she would have asked you how you felt about naming her baby after your husband.”

“It’s weird to name your baby after your sister’s husband, doesn’t matter if he’s alive or dead.”

“She should’ve asked you.”

“Of course you don’t own the name, but it looks super weird.”

“The fact that she sprung it on you and surprised you with it shows that she knew you probably weren’t going to be OK with it.” ~ 920Holla

“Sister is just a *itch.”

“She is giving her son a name he is supposed to live a lifetime with just the be petty and cruel to her grieving sister.”

“If the deceased had been named Bob, Robert would have still been off limits for naming the kid in this situation.”

“And think of the kid going through life with a spite name.”

“‘I was named after a dead uncle, no blood relationship, that died before I was born.'”

“‘To spite my then pregnant and newly widowed aunt, who is my mom’s sister.'”

“‘My mom is a petty and hateful *itch and I’m living proof.'”

“Grandparents should have a serious conversation with her about this hateful act.”  ~ say_the_words

“NTA. I am so sorry for your loss.”

“This is so new and so fresh and so difficult on top of being pregnant with this beautiful baby.”

“This is really complicated for you.”

“I’m really glad you had the option of moving in with your mom for a bit.”

“It sounds like your sister is very unaware of what it’s like for you to have this experience where you have a compounded death of your partner and the impending birth of your child.”

“She is horribly horribly insensitive.”

“It sounds like she’s going to stay with that name and this will alter your relationship forever and she’s so self-absorbed and oblivious she will never understand why.”

“Be prepared for her in the future telling you that you should get over it.”

“When in fact it’s a permanent change to a relationship based on her insensitivity to what it’s like to have your experiences. It sounds like the above comment was excellent.”

“To move away from being in proximity to her.”

“I’m so glad your mom is so wonderful.”

“Again I’m so sorry for your loss and congratulations on the beautiful baby you are bringing into the world.”  ~ mcclgwe

“Was she particularly close to your husband?”

“Did she have a crush on him? Does she hate you?”

“These would be my thoughts if any of my sisters did this to me.”

“Sounds super weird and obsessive to do that otherwise.”

“There are literally thousands of Hispanic names to choose from if she wishes to go that route.”

“Her husband has no issues with her choosing this name either?”

“If find it super bizarre and a bit suspicious.”

“In any case, I’m sorry this is happening to you on top of your loss.”

“It’s such a crappy situation but I’m glad at least your parents are supporting you.”

“Of course NTA.”  ~ kspeck

“Some wild speculation to start the day:”

“-OP owns her own place at 30, which is pretty impressive.”

“She only moved home temporarily to be in a supportive atmosphere.”

“OP’s sister seems to live at home at 28, with her boyfriend, as her permanent residence.”

“-OP had a husband. Sister has a boyfriend.”

“Not husband, not fiancè.”

“Marriage isn’t the compulsory institution it used to be but it could speak to a shorter/less established relationship.”

“-They were both pregnant pretty much simultaneously.”

“Obviously sister conceived first but one wonders why she prioritized having a baby over getting her own place with her boyfriend first.”

“-OP just suffered a significant loss.”

“I’ll bet that her parents have (understandably) been paying more attention to her than her sister lately.”

“I’m guessing simple jealousy.”

“OP is the older sister and it sounds like she has historically had her shit more together.”

“This was a golden opportunity for OP’s little sister to kick her while she’s down and refocus all of the attention on herself in the process.”  ~ Vilnius_Nastavnik

“NTA. That’s an incredibly cruel thing to do.”

“This shows that your sister lacks any level of empathy, compassion or understanding.”

“I can’t begin to imagine how it felt to hear that.”

“Sorry for your loss.”  ~ CrystalQueen3000

“The sister just sounds bankrupt of empathy and a basic level of kindness.”

“This wasn’t a tribute to OP’s deceased husband (even then it would have been inappropriate to OP the way it was handled).”

“This was some weird, cruel power-move.”

“My condolences OP.”

“I wish you and baby Alex all the best, as well as peace and healing.”  ~ Electrical-Date-3951

“First of all OP, I am so sorry for your loss.”

“But no, NTA. At all.”

“By now you know people say horrible things with the intent to make you feel better.”

“I was widowed in 2010. Death sucks. ‘God needed and angel'”

“No. I and my baby need my husband here.”

“‘Its Gods will.'”

“In what world would you worship a God who’s intent is to separate you from the love of your life and a father from his child.”

“‘He’s in a better place.'”

“No. The best place is here with us.”

“I however, do not think your sister did this to ‘help you feel better’ I think she is just being selfish.”

“While you are raw from grief you can over react to things.”

“You are not over reacting to what she did.”

“She needs to understand that for you, your Rodrigo was THE Rodrigo.”

“While yes, you don’t own the name, your heart owns all the loving experiences you had with THE Rodrigo.”

“She should honor that and name her baby something that has meaning to HER.”

“Also OP, you’re gonna be ok.”

“I know it doesn’t feel like it. Be kind to yourself.”

“And know it’s also ok to not be ok.”  ~ Cat_tophat365247

“NTA. Your sister knows what she’s doing, she’s not a very good person.”

“You can’t force her and she probably won’t cave because she already knew it would hurt you and did it anyway.”

“I recommend getting comfortable with having reduced contact with her in the future.”  ~ rbollige

First of all OP, so sorry for your loss.

And congratulations on your baby.

Reddit is here for you. People care.

Maybe you and sister should sit down and read over this thread.

It may help her understanding.

Good luck.