It is hard to face our insecurities. Even if it’s with someone we trust.
But, we shouldn’t lash out at those we love because we feel uncomfortable in a situation.
Redditor ThrowawayExerciser encountered this very issue with his ex wife. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for fat shaming my wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“I (25M) care very much about my health and fitness. I worked out at the gym frequently (pre pandemic anyway, but I still work out regularly at home) and I stick to a good diet. This will all be important later.”
“My wife (23F) is very overweight. I don’t mind, I have encouraged her in the past to try to be healthier, but she told me to stop and I respected her wishes.”
Fast-forward to now.
“Anyway, it was our anniversary a while ago, so we were planning on eating out at one of our favorite fancy restaurants. To save gas money, we were planning on taking the train. We drove to the train station, parked in the parking lot, and sat on a bench to wait until the train arrived.”
“While we were waiting, one of my friends (24F) from the gym saw me and started to make conversation. We talked about what diets we were using, what our workout plans were, etc. My wife, who was unusually silent, excused herself to go to the toilet. Soon after, my friend finished talking and went on her way.”
But, something was off.
“However, I noticed my wife was taking an unusually long time on the toilet. By the time the train arrived, she was still gone. I texted her, telling her that the train had arrived and asked her how much longer she would be. I didn’t get any reply.”
“I was about to call the police, when she finally texted back, saying she was at home. This really baffled me, I thought she was using the toilet? I tried to ask her what she meant, but again, no reply. I went to the parking lot to drive home and ask her, when I saw that the car wasn’t there.”
OP took an Uber.
“I called an Uber to drive me. When I arrived home, my wife was in our room. I asked her what she was thinking, coming back without telling me, so she told me that when I was talking with my friend about fitness, it made her very uncomfortable about her weight. So, I kid you not, she lied to me about using the toilet, and took the car back home.”
“Needless to say, I was very angry with her. I told her that what she did wasn’t okay, but she wasn’t having any of that. She got in the car and drove off to my parent’s house. She then texted my entire family, telling them stuff like “I hated her because of her weight” and stuff like that.”
“They’ve been blowing up my phone, telling me what a jerk I am and that fat shaming isn’t cool. I tried to tell them my side of the story, but they wouldn’t listen.”
“I think I’m in the right, but my family keeps bothering me, so I have to ask, Reddit, AITA?”
“Edit: Since a lot of people are bringing this up, yes I did introduce my wife to her, and no we didn’t say anything about her weight. Also, my wife knew my friend before the incident.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“From the description, NTA. You saw a buddy and were talking about your fitness hobby and interests. That’s not fat shaming. Is there something missing here?”
“If she’s just said you’re fat shaming for talking with someone else about a common interest between you and then, that she herself isn’t interested in, that’s her problem.”
“She’s the one bothered by her weight. In that case, she needs to do something about it and not get upset and storm off just because you do care about your fitness and talk to others about it who share the same interest.” ~ HereAndBlank
Many think his wife is TA.
“NTA. You did not fat shame your wife, she’s insecure about her weight. Her taking the car and abandoning you at the train station is appalling behavior from an adult.”
“That she then reached out to family/friends and lied about what happened, throwing you to the wolves, is ridiculous. She seems very dedicated to playing the victim.”
“She absolutely needs to apologize to you for both transgressions. She also needs to get back on her phone and admit that she lied. She’s a grown woman and needs to act like it.” ~ thistleandpeony
“Look, I’m an overweight woman. Mostly genetics, lots of injuries. But I do keep moving for physical and mental health. I do it for myself. I try to eat healthy and am very consistent about not eating after a certain time and how much I eat and what’s in it.”
“I’ve got a young son and kids learn from what you do, not what you say. So that being said. I don’t think there was anything wrong with what you did.”
“It wasn’t on purpose. You introduced your wife. So it’s not like you ignored her. SHE obviously has a problem with herself. She’s an adult that’s not your fault.”
“NTA but your wife is unfortunately a major one for lying to family members and throwing you under the bus! That was an awful thing to do. I would hope your family would know you better than that. Good luck.” ~ Addamsgirl71
“From what’s been said, OP, I think your wife is extremely sensitive about her weight. You need an open and frank discussion with her on what her actual problem is because you weren’t fat shaming.”
“She needs to realize that she can’t punish you for how she feels, that negativity will push you away and ruin your marriage.”
“Communication is the key right now and supporting each other.”
“Source: fat chick.” ~ floss147
We all deserve to be comfortable in our own skin.