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Woman Balks After She’s Berated For Letting 23-Year-Old Niece Have Beer And Watch ‘Graphic’ Movie

Photo by Mafer Benitez/Unsplash

Some parents have issues letting go of their kids.

It’s hard to see them as adults.

But adults is what they will become, and you have to hope for the best.

You can’t control your child forever.

Case in point…

Redditor dir92throwaway wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for letting my niece drink and watch graphic movie?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I was spending a weekend at our family’s cabin with my sister’s family.”

“They came in a few hours after me (37 F[emale]) and realized they left a bunch of stuff they needed so they were going to drive into the nearest town for them.”

“My niece (23) wanted to stay behind to enjoy lake so they left her behind but it started raining and there’s no data or wifi at the cabin so she complained there was nothing to do since she forgot to download something.”

“I had my laptop with me that had a bunch of old movies on it and gave it to her.”

“I didn’t check what she was watching and she had her headphones in so I didn’t hear anything.”

“I didn’t bother to check either because I assumed she was an adult and could watch whatever she wanted anyway.”

“Then she asked if she could get one of the beers I’d brought with me and some of the snacks and I said ok and went to lay down.”

“My sister, husband and brother came back after maybe 1.5 h and found her watching Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2009 version) and on her second beer.”

“They were so mad and were yelling at her until she said I gave her the laptop.”

“And said she could have some beer and then they got mad at me saying she isn’t allowed to drink and the dirty movie was going to turn her into a whore.”

“I definitely remember drinking as a family with my nephew who is 21 (age of drinking is 19 we live in BC Canada).”

“I asked if she had a medical condition or are on meds and they said no but alcohol was bad so no one should drink.”

“They dismissed it when I asked why my nephew was drinking with us near the holidays if she wasn’t allowed to.”

“And they argued if they didn’t let him drink at home he would go out and get drunk and get into trouble anyway.”

“But my niece was a good girl and wouldn’t drink if it wasn’t around.”

“In my opinion, if my niece wants to drink she can walk into any liquor store and get it anyway.”

“So as long as she’s not drinking too much it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“But AITA for letting my niece drink and watch graphic movie?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. 23 is an adult. You weren’t ‘letting’ her do anything. She made a choice.”  ~ Apprehensive-Owl4635

“This is hilarious.”

“When I was 23, I went backpacking around Europe for 10 weeks on my own (met up with friends here and there, but mostly on my own).”

“When I got back, my younger brother had mentioned a friend of his was shocked that my parents let me go.”

“He basically had to explain to this girl that I lived on my own, in a different city, made my own money and was a grown-ass adult.”

“There was absolutely nothing my parents could have done to stop me.”

“Not that they wanted to.”

“Absolutely NTA.”  ~ enjoysbeerandplants

“I got married when I was 23, after running my own show since I was 17.”

“This is absurd – what she drank and saw was absolutely none of their business! NTA.”  ~ AccousticMotorboat

“If you feel comfortable with it and don’t mind risking your family’s wrath, OP, it would probably mean the world to your niece to know she has someone in her corner if/when she ever wants to get some independence from her family.”

“Maybe talk with her?”

“Even vocalizing in her presence how sexist and infantilizing they are being to her might help her get out of the fog that this is NOT a healthy family dynamic.”  ~ kelsday84

“As soon as I saw that your niece was above 21, I stopped reading gonna be honest.”

“Not as an affront to you; I just find it ridiculous that a legal adult is being barred from doing legal adult things.”

“Holy shit this girl is being controlled to the MAX.”

“Can you save her??? Jesus lol. NTA.”   ~ AllyEmmie

“NTA. She’s 23 and can make those decisions for herself.”

“Your sister and her husband are fully the a**holes here – especially for the double standard with their son and essentially claiming a movie can turn women into whores.”

“Honestly this made me really mad on your niece’s behalf.”

“Your sister and her husband are disgusting.”  ~ mixedupbrit

“NTA. By 23 years old she should have her parenting days behind her.”

“Like if they haven’t instilled morals and responsibility by now, what makes them think continuing to control her life will improve anything??”

“But the double standard also infuriates me. So the son can do it but not her? Ugh.”  ~ Bubbly-McB

“NTA and you need to have some conversations with your sister. “

“The double standards and ‘good girl’ stuff you are alluding to sounds troubling.”

“It’s very controlling and creeping towards emotionally abusive.”

“Your niece is an adult she should be able to watch any movie she wants.”

“Your sister and her husband having different expectations for their children based off gender is unacceptable.”  ~ Overall_Addendum_950

“NTA – your niece is an adult.”

“If she wants to have a beer and watch a movie, the only things stopping her are if she brought her own beer.”

“It sounds like your sister hasn’t quite gotten it into her head that her daughter can enjoy as much sex, drugs and rock & roll as she would like because she is an adult.”  ~ Elfich47

“NTA. They are so out of line that I don’t have words for it.”

“Help your niece get THE F**K away from them!”

“She’s an adult she can do what she wants within the law and reason.”

“She can drink a beer and watch a movie with violence and or sex.”

“They are being incredibly sexist letting their son but not their daughter the good girl (as if she was a f*cking dog) do these things.”  ~ Badger-of-Horrors

“NTA, lol what- she’s a legal adult.”

“She can do whatever she wants, and they’re definitely weird hypocrites.”

“I bet nephew can drink and watch whatever he wants.”

“”Dang guy, I hope your niece doesn’t have to live with these people anymore, if not- please help facilitate her escape because they sound like misogynist jerks.”  ~ DrCatPhd

“NTA. Your sister and her husband sounds abusive as all hell.”

“I’d disregard anything they’re saying and talk to your niece like an adult… which is exactly what she is.”

“Her parents have NO say in what she does and they’ve clearly tried to raise her to be dependent onto them for everything.”

“Please ask your niece to come over for a 1 on 1.”

“And have a long talk with her about what being an adult actually means since her parents have so clearly failed in that regard.”  ~ SelfStudy657

“NTA because they didn’t tell you their Amish-like rules.”

“And try to be there for your niece (and nephew) because they’re going to need you as they try to cope with the brainwashing and dangers of parents like that.”

“I’m not saying you should always let her do what she’s not permitted to do.”

“But be there for her to talk and try to work thru the insanity. Poor kid.”  ~ ObviousArt7432

“23 is above the drinking age, so you didn’t provide a minor with alcohol.”

“I assume it was your beer, so you technically did allow her to have some.”

“But again, she’s an adult and can make her own choices.”

“Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is hardly ‘dirty.'”

“It’s rated R, which means typically adults or minors accompanied by adults.”

“Again, she’s an adult so she can view it on her own. Plus, those are guidelines anyway.”

“She’s an adult so you were not her babysitter and she has the right to choose her own form of entertainment as well as if she even wanted to stay with you or not.”

“Even if she wanted to watch hard core pornography with the most explicit filming and close ups, as an adult, it’s her choice.”

“IF she wanted taboo subjects, as long as they are legal, as adult she has that choice too.”

“NTA. She’s an adult and can make her own choices from entertainment, to beverages, to company.”

“IF you want to enable those choices, there’s nothing wrong with it since she’s an adult.”

“Now, if she has an addiction of some kind, everything changes.”

“Porn addiction, alcoholism, even drug (as alcohol can trigger a recovering addict or even an current addict) addiction would all lean me to call you an a**hole for enabling their addiction.”

“But as long as they aren’t, you’re just letting them make choices as an adult.”  ~ Kiyohara

Well OP has back-up from Reddit. Loud and clear.

Maybe she can sit her sister and brother in law down and show them this thread.

Clearly a family meeting is in need.