When one’s relationship begins to get more serious, leading to eventually moving in with your significant other, certain things about your prospective living situation should be discussed.
Learning about major differences, not to mention dealbreakers, after having made the big move could result in some serious tension.
Or worse yet, it could put the future of your relationship at risk.
A recent Redditor learned this lesson the hard way, when her boyfriend continued to put his foot down regarding something she’d always dreamed of having in her life.
As a result, the original poster (OP) offered a solution to this problem, which didn’t help matters one bit.
Wondering if her conduct was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for moving into my own apartment because my boyfriend didn’t want a dog?”
The OP explained how she felt there was just one thing missing from her living situation with her boyfriend, which was sadly something her boyfriend was not on board with.
“I (25 F[emale]) recently moved in to my boyfriend’s (27 M[ale}) house with him.”
“Everything has been going well, except for our pet situation!”
“So my boyfriend has a 12 year old cat named Charlie who he loves very much.”
“Charlie HATES other animals though, especially dogs.”
“He gets really upset when dogs walk by the house or bark.”
“It sucks because it’s always been my dream to get a dog and my boyfriend knows this but has always been adamant that ‘we are NOT getting a dog until Charlie dies’.”
“I really don’t even bring it up often, but I do live a pretty active lifestyle so every now and then I will just daydream and mention that it would be awesome to have a dog to join me on all my adventures one day, to which he immediately responds that we can’t until Charlie dies.”
“And ever since I moved in he’s been saying things like ‘and if you don’t like it you can leave at any time’.”
After giving it some thought, the OP felt that the best solution was to take her boyfriend up on his offer, which he was not pleased to hear.
“So I actually thought more about it and he’s right – we can just go back to living separately so I can finally have my dog.”
“We can still be together AND Charlie is happy.”
I thought it was a good compromise but when I told my boyfriend that I was considering moving out, he FLIPPED out.”
“He said I was ‘being immature’ and ‘choosing a dog over him’.”
“But it’s not like I want to break up with him?”
“I just want to live in a space where I can get a dog if I want to.”
“Besides, he said if I don’t like it I can leave.”
“I’m going to look at two apartments this evening and my boyfriend told me I can stay with my mom until I find a place.”
“I really don’t want to feel like I’m choosing between him or a dog, but he’s kinda making it that way imo.”
“So Reddit AITA if I go through with moving out to get a dog?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly divided on whether or not the OP was the a**hole for suggesting she move out so she could get a dog.
Some felt that the OP was not the a**hole, as she had every right to live the life she wants, and shouldn’t be beholden to her boyfriend’s demands.
“You’re both adults and you both have your own ideas of what you want and what you won’t tolerate.
“I don’t understand people saying the opposite, that cat could live another 9 years easy.”
“You’re not asking him to get rid of the cat.”
“There is no a**holish behavior here.”- bean3194
“I think the issue is that you kept bringing up how nice it would be to have a dog, even though you said you didn’t do it often, it must have been annoying for your bf to hear it over and over.”
“You absolutely ARE choosing between him and a dog.”
“So, for that, I have to say NTA for moving, but i think Charlie will be in your bf’s life a lot longer than you.”- CatJudgement
Others however felt that it was clear that the OP and her boyfriend were incompatible, and their relationship was not going to succeed if she did decide to move out, with some finding neither at fault for this, others finding them both at fault.
“Sounds like you and your bf should break up tbh.”- Captain0bvious_
“I don’t get all the comments about how you’re the asshole because you moved in knowing his position.”
“Moving in wasn’t a promise to never change your own mind about what you want, nor a commitment to continue living together until the cat dies.”
“You’re allowed to decide, ‘You know what? I do want a dog, and it’s important enough to me to move out even if my boyfriend doesn’t want me to do that’.”
“As others have said, just realize the relationship likely won’t survive as a result.”
“You are NOT the a**hole just because you are okay with that.”- Bevin_Flannery
“His desire to protect his cat doesn’t make him an a**hole and neither does your desire for a dog.”
“When you adopt an animal, you have a responsibility to it.”
“There is no absolute requirement that people live together.”
“Of course, once you have a dog, it will make sleeping over at his house infinitely harder bc a dog requires a lot of care and attention in a way a cat never does and you won’t be able to take a dog to his house.”
“So it will definitely have a significant impact on your relationship.”
“If having a dog is important enough that you are willing to sacrifice time with your SO, maybe he’s not he one for you?”- Aylauria
“OP knew he had a cat that hated other animals.”
“But she decides her life isn’t complete unless she has a dog.”
“BF has explained to her why he doesn’t want a dog yet and it appears numerous times they have had this conversation but the dog is the hill to die on.”
“So he finally tells her she can move out probably because she won’t quit whining.”
“Says she has a busy lifestyle and wants to include the dog in it.”
“She has no idea if she will bond with the dog she gets or if it will even like to go on adventures.”
“But if this is her stance she should go for it.”-Dneyman859
“So I interpret this differently to how you did.
“I think that when he said ‘if you don’t like it you can leave’, he wasn’t offering a compromise, he was saying that if you don’t like it you should break up.”
“By moving out you’re taking your relationship back a step and putting it in limbo for as long at Charlie is alive.”
“It can’t move forward to cohabitation, marriage or kids while you have incompatible pets, you will at best be dating, probably for the next five to ten years.”
“What’s the point of having a relationship if it can’t move forward?”
“So by moving out and getting a dog, you ARE choosing an unknown dog over your long term partner which is probably very hurtful, you’ve wasted his time by agreeing to not get a dog and then changing your mind down the line, when he probably would not have started dating you if he’d known you’d do this, and to add insult to injury you’re acting like that’s no big deal because ‘you can just live separately’.”
“ESH, him for being unnecessarily abrasive and you for acting like he has no reason to be hurt and annoyed that you wasted his time.”- deskbookcandle
“You want a dog, but he already has a pet incompatible with dogs.”
“By saying you’ll move out so you can have a dog, you’re exercising your right.”
“However, you’re also communicating to him that you weren’t living with him because you want to be closer with him.”
“Instead, you’re saying you were living with him because it was convenient.”
“Since it’s no longer convenient for you, you’re willing to leave.”
“This is painful for him because he thought the two of you were on the same page about your relationship, and he just discovered that you aren’t.”
“You need to understand that you’ve HURT him, and then you should probably break up with him so that you can have the dog you really want, and he can find a partner who feels the same way about him as he feels about her.”- crankysoutherner
From the sound of it, it seems pretty clear that the OP and her boyfriend should have thought more carefully about moving in together.
And considering that the OP seems to prioritize owning a dog over staying with her boyfriend, one can’t help but wonder how invested she actually is in this relationship.
One at least hopes that the OP finds a dog who fulfills her life in ways this boyfriend apparently can’t.