Parents who are about to remarry often worry first and foremost that their children will get along with their new spouse.
If their soon-to-be new spouse has children of their own, there’s the added concern as to what their relationship will turn out to be.
In some cases, the parents find themselves lucky, as the children may be overjoyed to finally have the sibling they always wanted.
In other cases however, there is instant animosity which seems to be completely irreparable.
This sadly seemed to be the case with the teenage soon-to-be stepdaughter of Redditor stepdaughter52454, who seemed to refuse to warm to the original poster (OP)’s four year old daughter.
The animosity of the OP’s step-daughter was on full display at the latter’s birthday party, resulting in the OP taking what some might have considered drastic actions, and appearing to put her at odds with her fiancé.
Wondering if she behaved inappropriately, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for returning my stepdaughter’s birthday gift because she didn’t save a cupcake for my daughter?”
The OP explained how after her fiancé’s daughter publicly snubbed her own daughter at her birthday party, she felt there was only one appropriate course of action.
“I’m, 33 F[emale] engaged to my fiancé, 36 M[ale].”
“I have a 4-year-old daughter and he has a 16 yo daughter.”
“He comes from a conservative family so we won’t move in together til after marriage.”
“So far we’re on good terms as a blended family.”
“But I noticed that my stepdaughter acts kind of distant towards my daughter.”
Every time I try to talk to my fiancé about it he’d tell me to give the kids a chance to bond and warm up to each other.”
“My stepdaughter’s 16th birthday took place on Sunday.”
“Since she’s into baking.”
“She decided to bake cupcakes instead of having an actual birthday cake.”
“My daughter and I went over to my fiancé’s house to attend the party and I brought my stepdaughter a gift which was an iPhone.”
“We sat down as she started serving everyone cupcakes.”
“Then when it was my daughter’s turn, she bluntly said she was sorry but she didn’t save any for my daughter.”
“I felt confused, I asked if she made enough cupcakes and whether there were guests that came uninvited.”
“She said no and that she just didn’t make one for my daughter.”
“I asked why, but she refused to say.”
“I was so mad and felt hurt on my daughter’s behalf.”
“I got up and told my fiancé that I wanted to leave.”
“My fiancé tried to stop me and offered his cupcake to my daughter but I refused to take it.”
“On the way out, I grabbed the gift I brought for my stepdaughter and she stood there and watched.”
“I could hear her yell ‘dad she took the iphone’ while I was walking out with my daughter.”
“My fiancé tried to get me to go back inside but I refused.”
“Later, he came over and we had an argument.”
“He said that I overreacted and that I know how some teenagers can be moody and do random stuff without an explanation, so I shouldn’t have taken it personally.”
“I said she excluded my daughter and didn’t save her a cupcake but he said it was just a cupcake and then reminded me that he offered his cupcake and said I should’ve accepted it and called it a day.”
“He said taking the iPhone which was supposed to be a gift back was poor taste and it might hurt my relationship with his daughter.”
“I refused to give it to him so he could give it to her since she was crying about it.”
“He left and was mad at me.”
“We haven’t talked since then except via texts.”
“She’s been wanting the iPhone for a while and since her dad couldn’t buy it I decided it’d be nice if I gifted it to her.”
“Also, I saw that she served her girlfriend a whole plate of cupcakes so it’s not like she baked a specific number.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for taking back the iPhone intended for her fiancé’s daughter.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s stepdaughter made her unworthy of a present, while many urged the OP to seriously question if going through with this wedding was a good idea.
“I don’t think you guys should get married.”- calystarose
“NTA but wake up.”
“Why are you the one paying for the expensive gift?”
“The iPhone should be a parent or grandparent gift, not from you.”
“Leaving was your only option at that point.”
“It takes a special kind of ugly to want to exclude a 4-year-old little kid from a birthday celebration.”
“If stepdaughter can verbalize that she intentionally did not make a cupcake for your daughter, she’s old enough to understand why you left.”
“The more I think about this the worse it gets.”
“The stepdaughter being a jerk is one thing but the fiancé’s reaction is unforgivable.”
“I also wouldn’t be able to get over his whole family standing by and acting as if a teen bullying a preschooler is no big deal.”
“This man and his whole family showed you who they are, believe them.”
“OP you need to put major brakes on this relationship.”
“Keep your finances separate.”
“Consider it a blessing in disguise that you haven’t moved in together yet.”
“If you’re not ready to break up, you should pull WAY back on the money you spend on your boyfriend.”
“Are you paying for trips and little luxuries?”
“Try taking a break for a few months and see how he reacts.”
“Open your eyes.”
“Oh, and I think you should give your daughter the phone.”
“Let her use it to watch Disney movies like Cinderella, maybe with a cupcake phone case?”-veni_vidi_dixi
“NTA.”
“You need to rethink this relationship.”
“It will not get better after you are married and the 4 of you are living together.”
“Your future step-daughter deliberately made cupcakes for everyone except for a FOUR-YEAR-OLD.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“That’s rude and awful and horrible.”
“I would have taken the phone back too, and not gone back until that teenager apologized to my daughter.”
“I don’t know if she’s doing this to try to break you two up, but your fiancé should have had your back on this one.”
“The fact that he did nothing to correct his daughter’s atrocious behavior is telling.”
“Consider this.”
“A 16-year-old is crying because a phone was taken away from her because of her behavior.”
“She’s upset because of the consequences of her actions, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
“But the 4yo did NOTHING except attend a party and get completely overlooked.”
“She’s the one who should be crying.”
“That’s where your fiancé’s focus should be.”- DisneyBuckeye
“You paid for an iPhone?”
“Yeah.”
“This really isn’t about you being an asshole, IMO.”
“It’s not an overreaction when you don’t feel like being disrespected and unappreciated.”
“She left a four-year-old out on purpose?”
“Play stupid games kiddo, win stupid prizes.”
“NTA.”- AndSoItGoes24
“NTA.”
“I would way push off the marriage.”
“To each their own but waiting until marriage to move in together sounds like a horrible idea.”
“You’re going to have a blended family with a large age gap between kids.”
“It’s normal for a 16yr old and 4yr old to not be the best due to the large age difference.”
“But not saving a cupcake is intentionally hurtful.”
“The fact that he doesn’t see what his daughter did wrong is also alarming.”
“There are major issues here that need to be resolved before you get married.”- Ok_Job_9417
“NTA.”
“Birthday girl f**ked around and found out.”- RaeRainThunderstorm
“NTA.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing.”
“Bet she didn’t think it was cute when she realized she wouldn’t be getting the iPhone.”
“You might want to rethink that engagement if this is indicative of how your fiancé and his daughter will treat you and your child.”- Fantastic_Deal2693
“NTA, stepkid hurt a 4 yr olds feelings on purpose.”
“Think about your daughter and whether this would be a good situation to bring her into.”-BerzerkerBacon
Perhaps the only thing worse than a 16-year-old girl denying a four-year-old girl a cupcake, is that her father didn’t seem to see anything wrong with her doing so.
If one could understand a father not wanting to get angry at his daughter on her birthday, such spoiled behavior should never be tolerated.
If he doesn’t realize this, one can’t argue with the rest of the Reddit community in thinking that maybe the OP might be better off not going through with this marriage.