We have to admit, sometimes money is tight, and it will be inconveniently tight right before an important event when we need to spend money we don’t have.
In theory, as long as the right people are okay with it, it should be okay to cut some financial corners during these monetarily tight situations, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
That’s what Redditor ohdearlacey thought after she checked in with her brother and his future wife about what she could wear to their wedding.
When the new bride reacted horribly to what she had already received the green light for, the Original Poster (OP) couldn’t have been more confused about what went wrong.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for wearing a wedding dress to my brother’s wedding?”
The OP was excited about the dress code for her brother’s wedding.
“My brother and his wife planned a winter wonderland wedding. Everyone was supposed to be dressed in either silver, white, or light blue to fit the theme.”
“All the outfits were supposed to be dramatic. Even my brother’s wife said she didn’t mind if they didn’t even stand out. We were all supposed to look like rockstars.”
“There was even to be a prize for the Best-Dressed Guest at the end, a fun game, and I wanted to play along.”
“I saw a lot of his other friends were buying expensive gowns and they were looking gorgeous.”
“I haven’t been working so much as of late, so there was no way for me to keep up with it.”
The OP’s brother, the groom, came up with a unique solution.
“I had dinner with them a few months before the wedding and my brother suggested that I wear my own wedding gown (white and silver) since I never ended up getting married.”
“She agreed as well because other people were going to be in white anyway.”
“The wedding came and I wore my wedding gown.”
“I got complimented on it all night (I pulled no focus from the bride, it was quite clearly their night), and I won the best-dressed award.”
“The wife was super nice the entire night.”
The OP was surprised by what happened next.
“But then I didn’t hear from my brother for about a week. When I went over to find out what had happened, apparently his wife was extremely upset at me wearing the wedding gown.”
“She said that I ruined her big day and the only person who should be in a wedding dress at a wedding is the bride.”
“I agree but I had former confirmation from both of them, so I didn’t think it would be an issue.”
“She called me a lot of names, and my brother even said the way she’s been talking about me, he’s starting to regret marrying her. He’s very protective of his siblings.”
“I can kind of see where she’s coming from and I feel like my dress has driven this wedge between them already, and the guilt is basically eating me alive.”
“She says I’m an AH and I should have known better despite her ‘obviously reluctant confirmation,’ and my brother says I’m completely fine and did nothing wrong.”
“I’m torn. AITA?”
The OP also shared an image of the dress she wore for consideration:
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the approval the OP had beforehand was more than enough.
“NTA. They suggested it AND you got both of their approvals.”
“If this was going to be an issue, she shouldn’t have said yes. Or, if she wasn’t comfortable saying no at that time, she could have pulled either you or your brother aside to let you know she wasn’t comfortable with it at any point in the months before the wedding.” – honey-smile
“A wedding dress can literally be used for any other formal thing. For example, an old friend picked a wedding gown as her prom dress, it was gorgeous, and literally, no one cared.”
“This whole situation is weird, OP got approval and won the contest, so why be butthurt now?”
“NTA, OP.” – ShibeDogeBork
“OP said SIL (sister-in-law) approved of/agreed to the idea at the dinner months prior to the wedding! Pure craziness on her part for creating drama after the fact.”
“Sad way to start a marriage. NTA” – FewReplacement9531
“If you don’t want focus pulled away from you, why on earth would you make an award for best dressed to focus on someone else?”
“Honestly, the fact that the bride and groom tried to make the wedding fun including games and prizes that got people involved sounds pretty awesome of them. That doesn’t sound like the choice of an attention-seeking bride.”
“The bride being ‘extremely upset’ now and feeling that OP ‘ruined her big day’ due to just someone else wearing a wedding dress (even ignoring that she herself approved it multiple times) seems awfully odd.” – Semiquantifiable
“Even if she agreed reluctantly in the moment, she had a chance to undo that confirmation before the day of.” – t3ra8y73
“Don’t make a suggestion for something that you don’t actually want happening.”
“Wearing her wedding dress to her brother’s wedding probably never ever crossed OP’s mind until both the bride and groom told her she should.” – ertrinken
Others said the OP absolutely was not the one to create the wedge.
“NTA, and neither you nor your dress caused the wedge between him and his wife. It’s that her true colors are now out in the open, and he’s seeing them for the first time. Try to not feel guilt, because you did nothing wrong.” – EmployerExciting7858
“Theory: She was fine until a ‘friend’ or multiple started bitching about OP. To save face, the bride agreed with her friends and this became the snipe fest of the wedding.”
“Drama is clearly a priority in the bride’s life.”
“NTA in any way, shape, or form.” – Alarming-Instance-19
“When she saw the photos and OP looked better than she did!”
“They approved the dress, don’t feel bad for being a knockout.”
“NTA” – OwnBrother2559
“She is just jealous! I would be like the brother, regretting marrying her.”
“If I marry someone, I would be happy even if the cake was on fire, the guests were in swimsuits, and the band was tone-deaf.”
“Unfortunately, lots of women want the attention… Too bad for them. Dude, way to start the marriage!” – sohereiamacrazyalien
“NTA. OP, you did nothing wrong. If their marriage falls apart, it’s because your brother is seeing a side of his wife he doesn’t like and probably has a reason to regret the marriage.”
“If she’s actually this kind of person, he’d be better off leaving before she gets pregnant. But if she can pull her head out of her a**, then she can fix this.” – crystallz2000
“I just have this feeling that she expected OP to have a bland dress or something. Maybe OP has a muted normal style so she assumed the dress would be the same, and then when OP showed up, her dress was better than the bride’s.”
“If she didn’t like the idea, she could have called OP or texted her after that conversation. Sure, normally it’s not okay to wear a wedding dress to a wedding, but when the bride and groom tell you to… they lose the right to get mad about it.” – melodytanner26
“The bride said dress like rockstars, and rockstars are not supposed to be tone-deaf.”
“That’s what I was thinking mid-paragraph, but then it pops – she gave her approval for it!”
“And she is so unreasonable that she is even giving the husband the blues!”
“NTA, and all that jazz.”
“This story might well become the family folk story.” – wronngsea
“He’s starting to regret marrying her, because he knows what’s coming now. Expectations and demands that are constantly changing and never actually voiced, he’s just supposed to read her mind.”
“I don’t know if it’s that easy to be blind when in love, or some people are that good at hiding their nasty true self before trapping the partner with marriage/kids, but the stories on Reddit have made me scared of both these situations.” – straypilot
“It may be a wedge. She may not care about the dress. She might just want to split you away from her husband, if you’re as close as specified. Especially if he is taking your side ‘against her.’ Otherwise, not a lot makes sense.”
“I’d just take a step back and wait for your brother and his wife to sort themselves out.” – CSCasper
“NTA. What was it they expected? They dictated the colors they wanted their guests to wear and also dictated they wanted elaborate outfits. Telling your guests what to wear in such detail is already a massively AH move.”
“And, oh look. Someone wore EXACTLY what their invite dictated. Not only that, but an outfit that was approved ahead of time, by them.”
“OP, there was no way for you to know she’d be upset, so there is nothing you did wrong.” – NolaJen1120
The subReddit was easily as confused about what happened at that wedding as the OP, especially given the fact that she had the go-ahead to wear what should have been a wedding dress.
There’s no telling if the bride felt regret after seeing the wedding photos, or if she had some ulterior motive for getting to the other side of the wedding ceremony, but it’s certainly confusing.