No two expectant parents have the same methods of choosing a name for their soon-to-be-born child.
Many like to keep it in the family, resulting in their having a helpfully finite number of choices.
Others, however, like to go a bit more outside of the box, going to great lengths to pick a unique name.
When the latter group discovers that their chosen name isn’t unique, they don’t tend to take kindly to this discovery.
A recent Redditor and her fiancé were expecting their first child, and came to an easy decision as to what their child’s middle name would be.
Less excited by this choice of name, however, was a good friend of the original poster (OP), also expecting a child.
So dismayed was this friend by the OP’s choice of name that she even requested that the OP choose an alternative middle name.
A request the OP flatly refused.
Wondering if they were in the wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for using a family name for my baby’s middle name, even though it’s the same as a friend’s baby’s middle name?”
The OP explained why her choice of middle name for her unborn child proved to be a point of contention with her also-pregnant friend.
“I recently shared with a friend my fiancé and I’s dream name for the baby we’re expecting, and it contains family names from both of our families.”
“She later texted me to ask if I was really using our planned middle name because it was the same as the middle name she had picked out for her baby.”
“The middle name we both had picked is extremely common, and happens to be a family name for both my friend and I.”
“My fiancé and I don’t see any issue with our kids having the same middle name, maybe a first name but not a middle name, especially since the name holds meaning to both of us.”
“She was upset over it and after I was hesitant to give up my family name she passively aggressively said she’d change her baby’s name so they’re not the same.”
“I can kind of see where she’s coming from because I know she’s upset that we’re pregnant at the same time and said she just wants her own middle name, but it breaks my heart to think about not being able to honor my specific family members with that name since it’s been my dream since before I was pregnant, or being blamed for her ‘having’ to change her baby’s name.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to change her baby’s middle name:
Everyone agreed that no one could call dibs on names, also feeling this friend had a severe jealousy complex, seeing that she was angry both about her child sharing a middle name with the OP’s child, and the fact that she was mad the OP was pregnant at the same time.
“NTA.”
“There is no issue with the kids having the same middle name.”
“No one will know.”
“She needs to grow up before her baby arrives, because this is an inane thing to be upset about.”-lihzee
“NTA.”
“Your friend is being ridiculous.”
“Parents probably care about the middle names of their children but not a single other person cares at all.”
“People go whole lifetimes without knowing (or caring) what the middle names of their closest friends are.”
“I couldn’t tell you a single middle name of any of my cousins.”
“Nobody cares!”- pixie-ann
“Sorry.”
“She’s upset that you’re pregnant at the same time?”
“Girl, she is not your friend.”
“NTA.”- annieouthere
“There’s a key to this story.”
“’Friend is upset that we are pregnant at the same time’.”
“Stop right here.”
“Red flag.”
“This is not a friend, please name your kid your chosen name, and never look back.”
“NTA.”- Artelegrama
“NTA.”
“Do you know how many girls in my class had the middle name ‘Marie’?”
“About ¾.”
“It’s a middle name – no one should care.”
“A first name would probably be different but I don’t think you’re in the wrong here.”- femmesole27
“NTA.”
“NOBODY cares about middle names, and nobody ‘owns’ names.”
“These kinds of arguments are absolutely absurd.”- editrixe
“NTA!”
“It’s a MIDDLE name.”
“Most people don’t go around asking for another person’s middle name.”
“Your friend is upset that she’s not the ONLY one pregnant at this time.”
“She sounds like she wants all the attention and spotlight on her and only her.”
“Keep the middle name and drop the friend.”- More_Impact9752
“NTA.”
“Does this mean I need to be mad at every girl who has the middle name Marie?”
“Because I think I just lost half the country.”- Finicky-phatgurl
“NTA.”
“Your friend’s objections are absurd.”
“It’s a middle name.”
“You have every right to give your child that middle name and your friend has no basis whatsoever to object to it.”
“You should absolutely not change anything about your plans for this baby based on this friend’s absurd behavior.”
“You may not be friends with this person for long.”
“But that child will always be yours.”
“Give it the middle name you want to give.”
“Don’t let this friend manipulate you into doing anything else.”- cascadia1979
“NTA.”
“Outside of legal documents, nobody is likely to hear the name for either child.”
“Additionally, claiming a middle name is just absurd. I could see if it was a unique first name but beyond that, no.”- jimfish98
“‘I know she’s upset that we’re pregnant at the same time’.”
“Huh?”
“Why?”
“Your friend is being really, really unreasonable.”
“No one owns a name.”
“You wouldn’t even be an AH if you chose the same FIRST name, never mind a middle name, and one that has significance outside of your friend’s use of it.”
“The fact that your friend is this competitive with you – that she’s actively UNHAPPY to be pregnant at the same time as you – says a LOT about her character, or at least her headspace.”
“Maybe she’s not usually this territorial and self-involved outside of pregnancy, I hope that’s the case at least.”
“You seem conditioned to her unreasonable behavior and maybe the responses here will help wake YOU up a bit.”
“Don’t tolerate her BS, and that’s all this is.”
“NTA.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“Names aren’t owned.”
“By anyone.”
“I have a relatively unique name and I can go on Facebook and find 25 other women with my exact name with one search – first AND last.”
“A middle name is NOTHING.”
“I know someone who gave every single one of her children (male and female) the same middle name and they’re fine.”
“(The middle name is Ray, by the way.)”
“The other mom is gonna be super disappointed when she finds out that her kid’s whole name is probably already in use by thousands of people in the world.”
“She needs to control her emotions and understand that people are allowed to use any name they want – even if matches hers.”- EdenCapwell
“I cannot see where she is coming from at all.”
“Not one little bit. It is a middle name.”
“Lord love a duck, your friend needs to dial it back about 100 percent.”
“NTA.”- Street-Length9871
“Every girl from the 80s has the middle name Marie/Maria, Lynn or Nicole.”
“We all survived just fine.”
“NTA.”- TheFishermansWife22
“NTA.”
“She doesn’t own the name, especially if it’s common, and middle names only matter when your mom is yelling at you.”
“Also a lot of middle names are SO common.”
“Every other girl’s middle name is Marie or Rose if she was born in the 80s/90s.”- revengeofthebiscuit
“NTA.”
“No one cares about middle names.”
“No one gets dibs on a name, any name, but especially not a middle name.”- Naive_Pay_7066
“NTA.”
“My daughters go to a smaller Catholic school.”
“Do you know how many girls share the same name as my oldest?”
“One of them even has the same middle name, I’m not all bent out of shape over this.”- Lurker-78
“NTA.”
“People do not own names.”
“I want to shout it from the rooftop!”
“You’re kinder than me Op, because I do not see where she’s coming from.”
“It’s so silly.”
“My mom’s best friend named her daughter the same FIRST name as me (born six months apart).”
“Not to copy, but because they both loved the name so much!”
“They thought it was hilarious and you know what?”
“It doesn’t matter in the least!”- beena1993
Had the OP decided to give her child the same middle name as her friends after her friend told her, one could see why this friend might be annoyed.
Even if that were the case, no one has the right to call dibs on a name, which the OP’s friend must accept.
And seeing as this is a common name, the OP’s friend better prepare herself to discover her child shares the same middle name with many, many more people.