As much as we’d like to think that progress has been made, it remains a sad truth that far too many women don’t feel safe when going out and about.
There remain far too many men who think objectifying and catcalling women is acceptable behavior.
Hopefully, the bartender or manager at a bar or restaurant can help the situation, and ask these unruly men to leave.
But on some occasions, bartenders and managers are complicit in putting women in uncomfortable situations.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor whothatisnow, who found a bartender putting her safety at risk.
But after her friend claimed that she overreacted to the situation, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for making a thing because a bartender showed my ID to random customers?“
The OP first shared that she has a physical trait which can be a nuisance, but others might envy.
“I went out the past weekend with 2 friends.”
“I’m 29 but I have a ‘babyface’ so I still get carded regularly.”
“I’m used to that and have no issues.”
But on this particular outing, it was her youthful appearance which got her into this predicament.
“Well we went to a sports bar/restaurant place and the bartender, ‘Trent’ carded me.”
“No big deal.”
“Then some random guy was sitting a few seats away said ‘how old is she?'”.
“Trent said ‘well she was born in ’92 so…29.'”
“I was holding out my hand expecting to get it back because I thought he was done.”
“Random guy said ‘no way let me see’ and Trent walked over and handed him my license.”
“I said ‘um excuse me can I have my license back?'”
“Bartender said ‘yea just a sec.”
“Then the guy next to random guy took it and looked at it.”
The OP was not at all pleased by Trent’s actions, and was surprised to find her friend didn’t think it was such a big deal.
“When Trent finally gave it back I sarcastically said ‘thanks for passing my personal information around.'”
“My friend Lilly that knows Trent said ‘they were just messing around calm down’ so I didn’t say anything else about it til when we were on our way home.”
“I said ‘I can’t believe you’re friends with that tool.'”
“Lilly said ‘he was just kidding around you need to lighten up’, and apparently him and ‘Billy’ and ‘Rob’ are friends.”
“If it was something that just had my age, I wouldn’t care but my license (like everyone’s) has my first name last name, address, and I don’t know Billy and Rob from a hole in the wall.”
The OP’s boyfriend also didn’t think much of her encounter, despite being aware of a somewhat dark episode from her past.
“When I told my boyfriend he laughed and said ‘they were probably trying to flirt’ and I should just let it go, that my past is causing me to be paranoid.”
“Because I had a coworker borderline stalking me a few years ago, luckily he didn’t know where I lived but he’d ‘show up’ randomly when I was in public, A LOT.”
“I’m sure if he knew where I lived he’d have shown up there too.”
After further reflection on how inappropriate Trent’s actions were, the OP decided to take matters into her own hands.
“It bothered me Sunday and Monday.”
“I could easily not go back there, and probably won’t but my thinking is if he’s passing around my ID he’s doing it to other people.”
“I called the place yesterday and asked to talk to a manager and said what happened.”
“Lilly called and yelled at me earlier, she said that they were just messing around, it wasn’t serious enough for me to call and get him in trouble, that I embarrassed her by acting like an uptight bitch and making a big thing over a joke.”
“Maybe they are harmless and it was probably just a joke, but it’s more the principle of it.”
“AITA should I have just let it go?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to complain about Trent’s behavior, and was in no way the a**hole for doing so.
Just about everyone was appalled that Trent didn’t think twice about showing strangers the OP’s private information, which could have led to something very serious, and thus deserved to be fired.
“NTA, you didn’t consent to the bartender passing around your ID to begin with.”
“That is private information, and the fact that your so called friends are bf are defending it is bs.”
“You expressed how uncomfortable you were with that, and nobody seemed to stop and really think about how the ‘joke’ isn’t funny and you didn’t appreciate it.”- BonifideStoner12.
“NTA f*ck that.”
“Who would want a bunch of strangers to have their full name and address?”
“NTA at all.”
“Honestly you should have made a bigger scene.”- Stanski11.
“He’s showing strangers at a bar your literal address…NTA.”
“And it’s none of the other guys business how old you are if the bartender has verified that you’re of drinking age.”-ChocolateKoko.
“NTA if your license works like it does in my country your address is on it!”
“Contact the owner and tell them what their employee is doing, it’s unsafe and I’m not sure if it’s even legal.”
“Any of those men could in theory turn up at your address, how f*cking stupid is this Trent prick.”
“Not okay not ever!”- Anewstageinlife.
“That whole routine just reads to me like me like a bunch of barflies sexualizing a young looking woman either as a misguided joke or some uninvited attempt to flirt.”
“Either way; just f*ck off and mind your own business huh?”
“And that’s not even to mention that strangers in a bar being able to see and possibly remember your home address is potentially dangerous.”
“The bartender is an a**.”
“Isn’t their job, other than pouring drinks, to make people feel welcome rather than f*ckin uncomfortable?”-KentuckyRootHero.
“That bartender seriously crossed the line.”
“It doesn’t matter if they were ‘messing around’ – their form of ‘messing around’ involves sharing people’s personal info with complete strangers!!!”
“Honestly this could have been so much worse too.”
“Some people use their military ID instead of their driver’s license – if that bartender had started showing strangers my military ID I would have raised a scene right then and there, and not felt a lick of guilt about it.”-QuackLikeMe.
“Stalking is a very real and serious issue.”
“He had no business passing your info around bc as you mentioned, you don’t know these people like that.”
“It’s quite a privilege to not worry about things like that and I truly hope no one has to experience it.”
“However the world can be unkind and even less empathetic to victims so I understand your concern.”-pnb10.
“In the UK and Europe this would be illegal under GPDR laws.”
“You were absolutely right to complain.”-TheZZ9.
“No way in hell are you the a-hole on this one.”
“You just got doxxed against your will.”
“I get it that your friends know this guy, but the fact is you didn’t.”-carbinePRO.
“He shared your personal info with strangers.”
“I’d have kicked up a fuss then and there but I’m that type.”
“Wonder how Lilly would feel if her license was passed around, or photocopied and posted on bulletin boards.”
“The thing with private info is once it gets out you can never take that back.”
“This sort of thing aggravates me.”
“It’s her friend so anything they do is OK, even when it’s not.”
“When it’s your issue they’re just messing around but I guarantee if it was someone else and her issue, she’d pitch a fit.”-ohsogreen.
“The bartender was wrong full stop.”
“He literally could’ve just said your age he didn’t need to show your whole ID to a complete stranger.”
“And Lily has no right to tell you you overacted as it wasn’t her ID.”-rollergoddessITM.
“Women get stalked all the time.”
“Men never have to worry about getting raped or murdered while going out drinking.”
“Showing your ID to friends is not something a bartender should do.”
“You trust them with your drink and this shows how much you can trust that guy.”-PolyPolyam.
“Your reaction was not only justified, but the correct thing to do.”
“As a bartender, he absolutely should not be showing random strangers someone else’s personal information ESPECIALLY since you are already personally aware of just how dangerous and scary that can end up being.”
“Your friend Lilly is a massive A if she’s aware of this previous incident you’ve had.”
“Jokes have limits, especially when they can endanger someone.”-Cute_Berry_7295
A few were surprised the OP’s boyfriend wasn’t more concerned, or even angry, about Trent’s actions.
“NTA – holy I would be terrified AF, and my boyfriend would’ve lost his sh*t.
“Honestly op your boyfriend needed a stronger reaction to your address being passed around to f*cking strangers.”-PlaneEnough3246.
Harmless as it may seem, sharing a document which contains someone’s personal address is simply unacceptable behavior.
By a bartender or anyone.
Here’s hoping that “Trent” will realize this with all of his future customers.