It often goes without saying that finances and money troubles are a taboo conversation topic.
But what if they’re just too relevant to not bring up?
That was the feeling of one person, who later posted their experience on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Used-Butterscotch591 on the site, came right out with it in the post’s title.
“AITA for bringing up my sister’s financial issues in the middle of the conversation?”
OP kicked off with the key details.
“My husband is a stay at home dad. He is very good at it and it makes our life a whole lot easier.”
“This is pretty new and we have been just settling in. He quit his job this march.”
“My sister and her husband were visiting us after a long time. My brother in law and I don’t get along. He is a jerk who is way too blunt for his own good.”
It didn’t take long for the expected to happen.
“The whole night her husband was making shots at my husband.”
“He was being very patronizing and saying it was a good thing that my husband quit as his industry was too high pressured for most people to hack it and he would be happier sitting at home. He made many similar comments and suggestions.”
“My husband is very patient and just nodded along, He also made some comments about us having to cut down spending after losing income.”
OP, however, wasn’t so gentle.
“I just pointed out that they were the one who needed both their parents help to buy their house and were still so deep in credit card debt that they had to borrow from my brother to pay it off.”
“It was a really rude thing to say. It pretty much ended the night.”
“He blustered a little before quieting down and my sister shot me a glare and my sister didn’t even hug me when they left.”
But of course, loose lips made it an even bigger issue.
“My parents found out about it, They think I was childish and I should have just played along as he is an harmless jerk.”
“I know how he behaves and I should be able to handle his behavior without hurting my sister. I feel like I am an a**hole because my sister is a very independent person and having to borrow money is probably something she hated doing.”
“I probably brought up something that she is would rather forget.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors nonetheless supported OP’s outlook and behavior throughout the incident.
Many pointed out the obvious hypocrisy at play.
“While you worry about your sisters feelings, also worry about the fact that she’s not worrying about yours at all while her husband bullies and picks on your husband. NTA” — throwRA1a2b3c4d1
“NTA. BIL sounds like he loves to dish it out but can’t take it. She chooses to let her husband behave this way so she’ll have to deal with the consequences.” — thevoiceofreason5
“NTA If he has a nerve to make joke about your husband, then he have to take the things you say.”
“Why isn’t your parents taking their side? Don’t they have any respect for your husband?” — ISingam
“NTA! No one has the right to to insult you or your family especially in your own home. After a certain point you can’t take it anymore and have to say something to the hypocrites.”
“BIL shouldn’t be taking shots at your family especially because they obviously can’t handle their finances. I think he might be jealous too. Many men think ‘women’s work’ like childcare and household chores are super easy although they’ve barely helped with that at all.”
“I would avoid them as much as possible.” — Confident-Broccoli42
Some took aim at the particulars of OP’s parents’ argument.
“NTA – I don’t know that there is such a thing as a harmless jerk. How many shots is your husband expected to take? Just because the rest of the family puts up with his insults, it doesn’t mean you have to.”
“You said likely one of the only things that would finally shut him up.” — Jillypepper72
“NTA. This cycle repeats and repeats. Super rude person makes comments for hours. Person(s) these comments are directed towards had enough and shoots back a rude comment. Super rude person – how could you say that?!?!”
“He earned that comment. Tell your parents it isn’t harmless it is rude and they are bad parents for insisting you endure this.” — jenn1975jenn
“NTA, it is so goofy how they all expect your husband to just sit there and get insulted to his face, in his own home, because BIL is a ‘harmless’ jerk?” — hammocks_
“NTA. I hate the excuse ‘that’s just the way he/they are.’ Well apparently who you are is someone who fights back and who he is is a jerk.”
“Please let them be mad and do not be around someone who disrespects your husband. Does he say that crap in front of the kids as well?” — marblefree
Some decided to discuss the merits of stay at home dad life.
“Being a stay at home Mom or Dad it pretty important and if you want to monetize it you can figure out home much it would cost in terms of child care or private tutoring (Or nurse services)”
“That being said obviously the BiL feels inadequate about himself and needs to attack family in order to get over that. If the situation arises again (Hopefully it wont) you could point that out…”
“…and maybe when family gets together they can just enjoy each other instead of making it a pissing contest with a guy who seems to have the need to compensate for something or other. So no NTAH” — captphil_WUSB_901fm
Whether or not OP takes the assurances of Reddit to heart is a matter up for debate.
But one thing is for sure.
Any upcoming meetings between the couples in the near future are sure to be awkward.