Giving someone a house key requires a lot of trust.
But what happens when that trust is broken?
A new father feeling betrayed by his mother-in-law turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Shockzs asked:
“AITA for banning a relative from our house right after they donated our furniture while we were away from home?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m still shaking while typing this. My wife Paula and I just got back from a trip. It was our first time away since our twin daughters were born. We gave my mother-in-law, Hakiko, a spare key just to check on things if necessary.”
“Paula is sentimental. When her grandmother passed away, she left her two hand-carved mahogany pieces: a desk and a vanity. They were Paula’s absolute favorite things.”
“We walked in yesterday, and the room was empty. Hakiko was there, all smiles, saying she made a surprise for us by getting rid of that old dusty junk to give us a modern look.”
“She replaced them with some cheap, flatpack furniture. She literally gave away/donated Paula’s inheritance without asking.”
“I told her to leave and give me the keys. I changed the locks today. Paula has been in tears. Now the rest of the family are calling me an abusive guy and controlling by for isolating Paula from her mother Hakiko over some old piece of junkie wood.”
“They say Hakiko’s heart was in the right place, and I’m being an a**hole for banning a grandmother from seeing her grandkid over furniture!”
“My wife is on my side. She agrees with the ban, but the constant guilt from her family is making me feel like a monster.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I banned my mother-in-law from our home and changed the locks after she gave away my wife’s family heirlooms without our consent.”
“I might be the a**hole because my father-in-law and brother-in-law are calling me ‘abusive’ and ‘controlling’ for isolating a family member over what they call ‘just some furniture’ and since her intentions were supposedly good, my extreme reaction might be seen as an overreaction.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“You call the police and report the theft.”
“You will be able to get the furniture back that way.”
“She will have to admit to the police to whom she donated/sold the furniture. And your furniture will be recovered as stolen property.” ~ Lighthouse_on_Mars
“You are not the a**hole. You were robbed of precious heirlooms. Robbery requires police.” ~ binjamins
“There’s a big chance the furniture has good value, and she actually sold it. In my country mahogany furniture in good condition is a solid investment, don’t know about theirs.” ~ DoctorBoomeranger
“I think someone else in the family wanted it, and Mom let them take it.” ~ WandaFuca
“NTA, and absolutely file a police report. Even if MIL genuinely donated them, theft is theft regardless of her intentions.”
“Plus handcarved mahogany pieces from that era are worth serious money, so there’s a decent chance she knew exactly what she was doing and pocketed the cash.” ~ Forward-Concern403
“The worst of it isn’t the theft.”
“It’s the fact that she did this and is smug about it. She’s getting others involved because she’s facing consequences.”
“Typical behaviour of an emotionally immature parent. It won’t stop if you don’t keep your boundaries.”
“It’s very important you both decide what kind of relationship you want with the rest of the family and how you will protect that.” ~ littlehungrygiraffe
“I would be willing to bet money Hakiko has the furniture. NTA and agree Paula should make a police report.” ~ Electrical-Leopard-2
“Wouldn’t shock me if she was pissed that her daughter got the pieces and not her and just took them and replaced them with sh*t.”
“Because I can’t think of any other reason anyone would do that, get basically Ikea furniture, and then smile like they did something amazing. Not to mention how she sold them.”
“Mahogany is heavy, so either she got someone to move them to her place or let strangers in a house that wasn’t hers to pick them up.”
“All sorts of crazy bullsh*t going on here.” ~ Neveronlyadream
“Guaranteed there’s a reason the inheritance skipped a generation, and Hakiko actually PROVED why grandma originally did that.” ~ Deputy_Scrambles
“Don’t let the family gaslight you into thinking this was some innocent mistake. MIL knew exactly what she was doing when she threw away irreplaceable heirlooms and replaced them with IKEA furniture.”
“The audacity to call hand-carved mahogany ‘old junk’ while simultaneously thinking her surprise home makeover was wanted is absolutely unhinged.” ~ Puzzleheaded_Mess_81
“NTA. Find out where she donated it RIGHT NOW. You might be able to get it back. Threaten to file a police report for theft.”
“I suspect she didn’t even ‘donate’ them; she sold them to pocket cash. She has to have known their worth.” ~ Sensitive_Coconut339
“Also, she didn’t carry out heavy pieces herself. Who helped her? A company or a donation center? Get all the info you can out of her to track these down. If she can’t remember, she has a call log on her phone.” ~ Sensitive_Coconut339
“NTA. Tell her that you’re going to call the police for theft if she doesn’t tell you where she took the furniture. You may still have to call the police so you can get it back.” ~ Caspian4136
“NTA. For anyone defending her, tell them, ‘When Hakkiko returns every piece of furniture she stole from our home, she can come back. Until then, she isn’t welcome, but I’ll let her know she’s free to come over and ransack your home since you seem to believe that’s generous’.” ~ Katerh
“This right here. She can pilfer antiques from the rest of the family; keep her the hell out of your house.” ~ firebrandbeads
“I would not even allow her back after the return of the furniture. She has proven she has no morals. Someone who would ‘donate’ cherished heirlooms has no place in their lives.” ~ RochesterBottomDaddy
“NTA. I would file a police report. It probably won’t go anywhere, but having a copy of a police report is strong documentation, if needed, for the future (for instance, if MIL tries to file for Grandparents’ Rights or if family members try to guilt you).” ~ teresajs
“NTA. Hakiko’s heart was *not* in the right place. She took away items that meant a lot to her own daughter. Whether she was jealous her daughter inherited them and whether she sold them or trashed them, there is dysfunction in her family.” ~ lonnielee3
“NTA. She had no right to do that, period.”
“Are you sure she donated/gave away the furniture and didn’t sell it? Vintage furniture pieces can be worth a lot of money…” ~ airkewled67
“Tell the rest of the family to shut it. If mom can find and return the furniture, sincerely apologize, and understand what she did wrong, I’d maybe allow her time with the grandchildren. Otherwise, hard no. NTA.” ~ Discount_Mithral
“NTA. Are we sure she donated it, or did she sell it? Genuine mahogany furniture can fetch some crazy prices, especially if it’s antique. I wonder if MIL knew the furniture was potentially worth a lot and took the opportunity to sell it. Then replace it with cheap Wayfair crap under the guise of a ‘kind gesture’. I’d definitely file a report and demand to know where MIL ‘donated’ the furniture.” ~ BusGo_Screech26
“NTA. Your MIL crossed the line by donating your property without permission. Also, what’s with your in-laws saying ‘You’re abusive and isolating your wife from her mother’ when it was your MIL that hurt your wife? Ignore them if they know the whole story and just be there for your wife right now.” ~ InfamousDrama3047
“Handcarved mahogany pieces vanishing are absolutely a police matter. The grandma either stole them or was tricked into giving them away.”
“Would be telling your wife’s family if it’s such a little thing, they can either get the pieces back or replace them, which is not a cheap or easy thing to do.” ~ Acceptable-Net-154
“So the person who gave away Paula’s inheritance was her own mother?”
“That smacks so much of jealousy that she was overlooked and her daughter, Paula, inherited things that she feels she should have been given. I’d be asking Paula to visit her mother’s house to see if the items weren’t there and not in fact thrown out, as has been alleged.”
“I’d be telling MiL to contact whoever she got rid of the old dusty things, as you want them back, and if she can’t or won’t get them back for you, then you cut her off, for good.”
“What she has done is so far beyond it’s astounding. NTA.” ~ Powerful_Put_6977
The OP provided an update:
“After reading all these comments…we’re going to the police department because, yes, it’s theft. All the comments are running in the same direction…theft.”
“It’s my house, my property, my place of peace. Should not be in this situation! I’m so happy my wife also agrees with me.”
It sounds like the OP has a good plan to address the issue.