There is truly nothing more scary than the possibility of something being amiss with our health.
It’s very easy for us to assume the worst if we find something is even the slightest bit out of the ordinary with how we are feeling.
Even so, many people’s first inclination in these cases is not to see the doctor.
As doing so might reveal the news they are dreading the most.
A recent Redditor was going to great lengths to ensure that their boyfriend go and be checked out by a doctor.
Specifically owing to his family history.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) found themself more or less pleading with deaf ears.
Eventually leading to them using a few choice words with their boyfriend.
Concerned they might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my boyfriend an idiot because he won’t get a colonoscopy even though his mom had colon cancer?”
The OP explained why they had all but completely lost their patience with their boyfriend:
“So my boyfriend (33 M[ale]) has a family history of colorectal cancer.”
“His mom was diagnosed in her early 40s, and it was really bad.”
“She survived, but it was a long, awful ordeal.”
“He was old enough to remember it.”
“Because of that, his doctor told him he should start colonoscopies earlier than most people.”
“He’s technically overdue for his first one.”
“And lately, he’s had some weird stomach problems.”
“I’ve been telling him for a year to get it checked out.”
“He keeps saying things like, ‘It’s embarrassing’, ‘I’m too young’, ‘What if they find something bad?'”
“Like … yes, that’s the point of the test?”
“The other night, we got into it because he mentioned again that his stomach has been bothering him.”
“I told him point-blank: ‘You’re being an idiot’.”
“‘Your mom went through hell with this and you’re ignoring your chance to be healthy’.”
“I also said that if he won’t take care of himself, I don’t know if I can plan a long-term future with him because I don’t want to lose a partner to something that could have been caught early.”
“He got really upset and accused me of being controlling and dramatic.”
“Now he’s barely speaking to me.”
“I feel like I was harsh, but honestly? “
“I’m scared.”
“The news has story after story of people dying from this because they ignored it too long.”
“People his age, too.”
“I’d rather him be mad at me than bury him in ten years.”
“AITA for calling him an idiot and making this an ultimatum?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for calling their boyfriend an idiot.
Everyone agreed that the OP was only looking out for their boyfriend’s health, and seeing that he was more at risk than others, it would be in his best interest to listen to them:
“‘I also said that if he won’t take care of himself, I don’t know if I can plan a long-term future with him because I don’t want to lose a partner to something that could have been caught early’.”
“This is what a boundary is, folks.”
“Please take notes.”
“NTA.”
“You were harsh, yes.”
“But justifiably so.”- TheDrunkScientist
“NTA.”
“Very reasonable ultimatum, because true: You really don’t want to be with someone that won’t do reasonable things to stay healthy.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“My best friend’s husband just got diagnosed with Colorectal cancer last week, and he is in his 30s.”
“His first symptom was the sudden onset of IBS-like issues.”
“He didn’t go to the doctors until his second symptom started a couple of months later (blood in poop), and it’s possible that it’s already too late for him.”
“It is so so important to catch these things early, and you can’t just stick your head in the sand and hope it will go away.”- KirasStar
“There are reasons married men live longer than unmarried men, and one of them is that their wives make their medical appointments and force them to go.”
“My mom is the only reason my dad’s cancer was diagnosed and treated early.”
“NTA.”- FlatWonkyFlea
“NTA.”
“There’s nothing more stupid than someone putting off a test ‘in case they find something’.”
“That is the point of the test, if there is something to find, it’s caught early and treated.”
“I have Crohn’s disease.”
“I have regular colonoscopies.”
“The prep is pretty savage, but the sedation means I don’t remember them at all.”
“The doctors doing this test LITERALLY studied to deal with ’embarrassing’ body parts and they will be thrilled to see someone being proactive about their bowel health.”- International-Fee255
“NTA.”
“My bf died because he was a stubborn butt munch who wouldn’t go to the doctor or change his habits.”
“He was 29.”- AshenRabbit
“NTA.”
“My husband is only 36 and he was just diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer days ago.”
“Please, please, please go get checked if you feel anything off.”
“The doctors say it is increasing in young people especially where we live (Iowa).”- ksleeve724
“As someone who was at normal risk and almost put off her first colonoscopy at 45, only for them to find an asymptomatic polyp the size of a GOLF BALL.”
“NTA, and not overdramatic.”
“Screening age USED to be 50, and while colon colorectal cancers are generally slow growing, I would have been in serious trouble if I’d waited even a year.”
“Early CRC is easy to treat.”
“Late is terrible.”
“He’s playing with fire and being a child.”
“‘What if they find something?'”
“My guy, the ‘something’ is already there, growing, and NOT knowing it’s there doesn’t make it magically disappear.”- TheAngerMonkey
“It’s not embarrassing.”
“You don’t have to put out a fkn public notice that you got a colonoscopy.”
“People regularly die from colon cancer who could have been saved if it had been caught early.”
“And a family history makes you WAY more likely to get it.”
“NTA.”
“Yes, he’s being an idiot.”
“You’re 100% right that it would be unwise to plan a future with someone who is ignoring an obvious long-term health risk that is EASILY ADDRESSED.”
“The problem is 100% in his head.”
“He’s told himself a story about it; he’s scared or embarrassed or whatever, and he’s going to die of sheer pig-headed pride.”
“Ask him ‘Are you legit saying you would rather DIE of colon cancer in your 30s than get the test?’
“Even if they find something, it’s likely that they can simply excise the polyp as part of the colonoscopy procedure, and unless it’s already metastasized, further treatment is unlikely, beyond follow-up testing.”
“Also, speaking as a 45-yo guy who just had my first one this year, tell him from me: it’s really not that bad.”
“You take the prep, you clear your guts, you go in the next morning, take a nap and wake up starving.”
“It doesn’t hurt, it’s not difficult.”
“Honestly, being hungry was the only really sucky part, lol.”
“And that’s easily remedied.”
“They found 2 small polyps on mine, nothing crazy, but now I have to go back in 5 years instead of 10.”- Ippus_21
“NTA.”
“I get his fear.”
“I really do.”
“But as someone who was diagnosed with cancer at 30.”
“I can tell you, knowledge is power.”
“If he isn’t willing to take care of himself, that’s on him.”
“But that doesn’t mean you need to stick around.”- Left_Set_5610
“NTA.”
“He’s afraid and burying his head in the sand.”- 05730
“NTA.”
“Also, if he’s not going to take care of the problem, he should quit bitching about it.”-SomeoneYouDontKnow70
“As someone who lost her father to colon cancer at 48, and who had her first colonoscopy at 35, NTA, especially not if he’s having concerning symptoms.”
“He needs to at least speak to his doctor about his current issues and see what they recommend.”
“Is it scary?”
“Absolutely.”
“Having cancer and not knowing it until your colon perforates and you end up bleeding out on your bathroom floor is scarier though.”
“I’d tell him to ask my dad but well.”- Cheap-Awareness-5522
“NTA.”
“If he won’t take care of himself, you SHOULD leave.”
“Cause taking care of yourself IS taking care of your partner – half the battle is making sure you’re there to keep doing battle, y’know?”
“I’ve been getting colonoscopies since my early 20s due to IBS and ulcerative colitis.”
“They suck. But they beat the hell out of finding out you have cancer too late.”- DenizenKay
It’s not too difficult to see why the OP was getting on their boyfriend’s nerves.
That being said, what was probably annoying the OP’s boyfriend most about this situation was that deep down, he likely knew the OP was correct.
Going to the doctor can be scary.
What should provide some comfort to the OP’s boyfriend, however, is that he has a partner who clearly loves him and will always be there for him, no matter what.