While mortality in childbirth has fallen, no birth is guaranteed to be safe for either the mother or the child. Having a reliable partner around in the weeks leading up to and after the birth is important.
A wife whose husband doesn't understand that turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Glad_Start8410 asked:
"AITA if I tell my husband he can't go on a boys weekend?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (27, female) am currently 39 weeks pregnant. I am due on the 15th October 2026.
"My husband's (45, male) friend had decided to plan a boys weekend the first weekend of November. The baby might not even be a month old and I myself would be not even a month postpartum."
"I also have a 4-year-old at home and I will be going back to work the first week of November. My job at the moment can only give me a month of leave because I am a temp (whole month of October)."
"WIBTA if I got upset that he wanted to go on a boys trip so soon?"
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP would not be the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA—age gap strikes again." ~ BriefHorror
"These older men acting like children, seeking out children to marry. That's an almost 20 year age gap." ~ nuwaanda
"Yup, he locked her down with a baby when he was in his 40s and she was in her early 20s and her frontal lobe hadn’t finished developing and she didn’t have enough life experience to see how much he sucked."
"Which is exactly why he went after her."
"Now here she is wondering if she’s the a**hole when anyone who hasn’t been manipulated by him for years into thinking his BS is normal is like 'You’re OBVIOUSLY not'.” ~ Ashitaka1013
"Weird that a man in his 40's married to someone in their 20's is acting immature." ~ spacedman_spiff
"Women his age have learned not to put up with this crap." ~ dudleymunta
"I can assure you, a man like this has literally never dated a woman his age ... at least not since HE was in his early 20s. As a woman in my 50s, I have encountered far more of these men than I like to think about."
"They haven't been rejected by women their own age, because they're such misogynistic Aa**holes that they'd never consider dating a woman their own age to begin with. They see women not as human beings but as accessories or prizes, and they feel entitled to the youngest, prettiest, most pliable and fertile ones they can hook."
"They would tell you that women their own age are 'dried up' or 'harpies' or whatever other viciously misogynistic, hypocritical bullsh*t they can dredge up."
"But they certainly don't date women their own age, not because of rejection, but because they'd have to invest in a real, meaningful relationship and be held accountable for their sh*ttiness, and they'd never do that in a million years. These are the men on dating apps who are in their 40s and will only even look at women under 30 to date." ~ Sorry_I_Guess
"As a father to two, I cannot even imagine entertaining the idea, let alone asking if it's OK. ~ ThatRecruitmentGuy
"NTA. Absolutely f*cking not, he shouldn't have even asked. ~ shortasiam
"My partner had the most amazing career opportunity that has ever and will ever happen. Most incredible opportunity available through his work, that less than 1% of employees are offered. Unfortunately it meant my partner had to leave the country for a month, 2 days after my scheduled due date for our second child."
"We deliberated and ultimately decided it was too incredible an opportunity to pass up. The compensation was huge for our family/budget, the long term benefits are amazing."
"It f*cking broke his heart to leave. He sobbed more than I've ever seen him cry. I was also devastated. Luckily our youngest came a week early and so we actually got 8 days together. He arranged a meal service, a cleaning service, a night nurse, and I arranged for my family to come and stay with us while he was gone."
"If any of it had been for a random boys weekend? I'd leave him. Thankfully my partner isn't that self centered or dense." ~ morbid_n_creepifying
"My husband did this five years ago when our first baby was born. I told him he couldn’t go, he went, and I have never forgiven him." ~ Sarabeth61
"Your husband is almost 20 years older than you are. Yikes. Sounds like a real prince. NTA." ~ Decent-Historian-207
"Old enough to know better, yet trying to abandon his postpartum wife with a newborn, a 4-year-old, and her first week back at work. The audacity to even entertain the idea is unreal." ~ Bus_Airbus
"Literally buck-f*cking-wild that he even brought this to YOU to say yes or no to. HE should’ve just looked his friend dead in the eyes like he was dumb and said 'No, obviously not, I can’t go'. NTA." ~ HuhWelliNever
"NTA. That is crazy for your husband to even consider leaving you 2 weeks after the baby is born ~ Pianist-123
"What's crazy is that she's expected back to work within weeks of giving birth. What kind of a** backwards third world country would allow that?"
"I'll admit to being a bit facetious here, I knew the answer. I'm baffled by how this is even possible. Like how does a woman who's got an internal open wound the size of a placenta go back to work? It is barbaric." ~ kayriss
"It's crazy we won't separate puppies and kittens from their parents before 6-8 weeks but that rule doesn't apply to humans." ~ commandercoffeemug
"They want all these women having babies, but provide no support system for them after birth. It makes absolutely no sense." ~ small-black-cat-290
"NTA, as a man, f*ck that dude. His friends should already be ripping him a new one for even considering it. Obviously he should have declined. But also poor form for the friends to let him attend under the circumstances. Sh*tty man has sh*tty friends, news at 11." ~ PitbullRetriever
"NTA. If you end up needing a C-section you won’t even be cleared to drive by then. You may still be on heavy-duty painkillers. You can’t be left alone with a newborn on heavy medication with no transportation." ~ hananobira
"Agreed, the risk of complication is way to high for the guy to be out doing unnecessary sh*t. I orbited my wife for both pregnancies and made sure she was in the clear before I resumed 'normal' life. Like what if she has a PE dude, sh*t gives me anxiety." ~ Disastrous_Tie9345
"NTA. I’m a guy and would never leave my wife in this kind of situation. You guys definitely need to have a serious talk about priorities." ~ wally_wally777
"Some men (obviously not all) just seem to think that it’s not their problem. They get a woman (or women) pregnant and keep living their own life the same way they did before, while for her, absolutely everything will change and there’s zero support from the guy to share the burden… only credit is shared."
"There are literally guys who even use their parental leave to go on trips because they 'need a break' and see parental leave as an opportunity for time off instead of as the most exhausting time of their life." ~ lndlml
"NTA, is your husband on crack?" ~ Ionia1618
"No, he married a woman 18 years younger than him and doesn't care about the fact that she's pregnant." ~ delinaX
"The boys weekend isn't really the issue. The issue is that he looked at everything she is managing in November and his instinct was to plan time away from it. That tells you something about how he sees the division of labor in this family that probably needs a direct conversation before the baby arrives, not after." ~ randominputmatt
"NTA. A boys' weekend when you're potentially only a few weeks postpartum, caring for a newborn and a 4-year-old, and returning to work is terrible timing. He should sit this one out." ~ cleanplate10
"NTA, how is this even a question? In my opinion, as a mum of two, it's borderline abusive for him to threaten it as an option...What the f*ck is he playing at?"
"Although when you married someone 18 years older than you, maybe you should have questioned why he was still single and not able to find someone his own age to settle down with." ~tammybiscuits
"The fact that he even wants to go should be a huge red flag for you. Stop having babies with this man; he does NOT look out for you." ~Briscogun
"The reason he's with you instead of someone his own age is that someone his own age would know that he's being an a**hole without needing to ask. This is rough. NTA but woof..." ~ Zealousideal-Bug8951
"NTA, he knew the due date long in advance. His priority should be being present for you, the baby, and your 4-year-old because this is a big transition for all of you. He can go on a trip later." ~ TheHermeticLibrarian
OP needs to have a discussion with her husband about his priorities.
If his boys' trip matters more than her and their children, she may need to reevaluate his place in her life.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him