Destination weddings are hard enough to swing for guests who have all the time in the world.
So for folks with big, inescapable obligations, those weddings away from home can create a bit of stress.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated what the dynamic.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Greenn_thumbb on the site, led with a title that covered a few key details.
“AITA for being upset with my husband for booking a trip for himself to a wedding in Columbia when I’m 34 weeks pregnant?”
OP kicked off with some context.
“My husband (29-year-old male) and I (28-year-old female) have been married for a year and are expecting our first child in March 2022.”
“This is my first ever pregnancy and both of our first children.”
Then came word of an upcoming event.
“We were both invited to my husband’s cousin’s wedding in Colombia at the end of January 2022 during which I will be 34 weeks pregnant.”
“I immediately said that I wasn’t going to go as it’s too far into the pregnancy and there are other associated dangers and risks with travelling in general, as well as travelling to Colombia.”
“I told my husband many times that I did not want him to go either as I’m nervous about delivering early or having any complications and I asked him to support me in that decision and think of another way we could support his cousin besides being at the wedding.”
OP thought she was in the clear at that point.
“My husband decided to book the trip for himself anyway for 5 days during the wedding and said that ‘this is what [he] decided and what [he is] doing and that’s that.’ ”
“He believes that I am being irrational and paranoid and equates him leaving the country (we live in Canada) to go to Colombia as the same as him working out of town (he works 6 hours away on a 2 weeks on/2 weeks off schedule).”
Since hearing her husband’s take, OP has felt a bit ambivalent.
“He and this cousin are very close ‘like brothers’ and my husband is supposed to be in the wedding party but was replaced quickly when we initially were not going.”
“He feels that he should go because he’s in the wedding party but I feel like he is choosing his cousin and the wedding over me and our baby.”
“Am I the a**hole for being upset with him for going to the wedding?”
OP went on to included further details to set a few things straight.
“Edited to add: sorry I should clarify that the wedding is in Colombia, South America. Also my husband and I are not Colombian, and neither is his cousin.”
“His cousin is marrying a Colombian girl who neither of us have ever met.”
“The area where is wedding is happening is 3 hours by car to the nearest airport and the flight is an average of 21 hours long.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side completely. They were vicariously furious.
“NTA But he certainly is being TA. This is a HUGE red flag for what to expect in your marriage and upcoming family obligations.”
“You can either accept the ‘And that’s that’ attitude of his or you can refuse to let him boss you around by packing his bags the next time he declares he’s going to do whatever he wants to do.”
“He’s married now, it’s time for him to grow up and realize that there’s two of you now with a baby on the way and YOU should be his top priority now and not his cousin.” — LoveBeach8
“NTA. Your husband completely disregarded you, your child, and your feelings. I hope he’s not like this on a regular basis because if he is, it’s a serious problem.” — Special_Respond7372
“NTA- This is such an unnecessary risk. We could still be in a global pandemic in January. He may catch Covid or even be forced into hotel quarantine when arriving back in Canada.”
“Is he okay risking your health and that of your unborn child? If he does this, do you have family or friends who are close by that you can stay with or be supported by?” — sleepthedayzaway
“NTA I’m livid for you. This is just a selfish decision. He’s not thinking about you, or your baby. He is only thinking about himself.”
“Planning a trip put of the country, during a pandemic, while you are going to be VERY pregnant is just irresponsible. What happens if he gets sick? I’m not even talking about Covid. Just a cold in general, and gives it to the baby?”
“The money he had to spend to go there. Not to mention that countries are requiring people to purchase additional international traveler insurance now. Holy smokes. With a newborn on the way, I can’t believe he is spending this type of money right now.”
“Is he going to quarantine when he get back? Again, not from Covid necessarily, but all the germs from passengers on the plane?”
“Ugh, this is making me so heated and triggering me because I WAS married to a self serving narcissist, who gave zero about me or the kids. Unless it was in public to make him look like father of the year. You’re definitely NTA – but no offense, your husband is.” — HarrietOleson1
Some shared tales of warning.
“NTA – wow that’s a unilateral decision that could affect all 3 of you.”
Last March, I was sent to the er for 4 days because I was showing signs of preeclampsia after a very easy and healthy pregnancy. I had almost all of the symptoms and high protein in my urine and it practically happened over night.”
“I was 34 weeks pregnant. They told me I wasn’t going to leave the hospital without delivering the baby then and it scared the sh** out of me.”
“My point is, you never know what’s going to happen because things don’t always work out the way you plan. You keep taking care of you because that baby needs you!” — Fartbox15
“NTA. Your husband is TA for deciding this unilaterally when you should have decided this as a couple.”
“My hubs had to go on a 2 week business trip when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was working full time and we also had a 3yo, so I wasn’t happy about being left alone. I told him to be only way I would be ok with this was if he flew his mom out to help me out while he was gone. He did, so everything worked out.”
“Do you have a support person while he is gone? If not, tell him it’s his job to arrange a support person of your choosing should you go into labor early. That’s the absolute least he can do.” — Cheddarbabybiskits
It’s hard to say if OP will be successful in keeping her husband home, but we can be pretty confident she won’t bat an eye for sharing her views.