Dealing with favors for loved ones can be stressful.
Often, people end up feeling taken advantage of.
Then confrontations start, and then feelings are hurt.
Favors aren't always a great idea.
Redditor Comfortable_Oven7632 found herself in a dilemma regarding her daughter's hair, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for telling my 19 year old daughter to find another stylist?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (42 F[emale]) have a daughter, 19."
"I did hair off and on for 20 years."
"My last stint was 9 years at one salon."
"After being emotionally abused, bullied, and financially ruined cause they wanted to punish me when I called out."
"For example, I broke and dislocated my thumb on their property, and they took me off the books for 2 weeks, so I wouldn’t be paid."
"So this led to a HUGE change in my 'passion' for hair."
"I hate it."
"I loathe it."
"Furious rage towards doing hair."
"Now in A[ccounts] R[eceivable] at a huge company and happier than ever."
"However, my daughter forces me to micro foil (foils with bleach in them a mm apart) her entire head, tone it, and then put in 3 rows of weft extensions."
"EVERY SINGLE TIME we get into multiple big fights when I do her hair."
"She says she likes how I do it."
"Yet always has something to complain about."
"I think she just likes that she is getting an almost $1500+ service for free!"
"So the last time, over the weekend, I lost my sh*t."
"I told her this will be the last time."
"I refuse to be FORCED into something I absolutely hate by anyone—blood or not."
The OP was left to wonder:
"You tell me… am I the a**hole?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors were a little all over the map with their thoughts on who was the A**hole here.
"NTA, assuming that she’s living in your home, tell her to knock it off, grow up, stop throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old, and have someone else do her hair or get out."
"I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t allow her to hold the household hostage with her temper tantrum."
"She needs to grow up and stop doing what you hate."
"Good luck, Mom." ~ appleblossom1962
"I'm sorry, but you completely lost me at 'my daughter FORCES ME.'"
"I never heard anything so ridiculous in my life."
"It is not physically possible for ANYONE to force ANYONE to perform hair services."
"Good lord, what next, being forced to wax someone's legs or detail their car?"
"STOP BEING RIDICULOUS!"
"Every adult has to learn to use, and to hear AND BELIEVE the word NO." ~ Swimming-Ad620
"YTA, nobody is forcing you to do anything."
"Your daughter is behaving exactly how you taught her to behave."
"If you want to stop doing her hair, that’s fine… You told her you were done, so be done."
"More problematic is that you are holding rage at your old employer and spraying that rage all over the place and at people who don’t deserve it- including yourself..."
"1- At your daughter particularly and..."
"2- At yourself by letting anything alter your passion for hair, and..."
"3- At the world at large/Reddit etc."
"My guess is that you’re harboring rage from other things too and lashing out at everyone who doesn’t deserve it either."
"Does drama follow you or do you follow (create) it???"
"One way to get out of that spiral is therapy (with a good therapist- which might take some effort to find)."
"There are others, but the hard work of facing down that kind of pain is easier with guidance."
"It’s not ok to keep the whole world paying for your pain when the whole world didn’t cause it."
"Someone or something else did."
"And you perpetuate it."
"Just stop and make some choices to deal with it." ~ anneg1312
"I would seriously consider therapy."
"You seem unreasonably upset over a career that you no longer have by choice."
"As far as your daughter goes, if doing her hair is making you this upset, use your words like a grown-up and say no."
"No one is forcing you."
"You may feel guilty about not wanting to do it, but she is not making you do anything."
"You’re doing it by choice." ~ MommaGuy
"YTA. No one is forcing you to do anything."
"You could've said no however many times ago and been done with it."
"Please talk to a therapist because the amount of anger you have about doing hair is not normal and not healthy." ~ Iowa_Hawkeyes4516
"You’re exhausting."
"I guarantee you’re the type who drama follows."
"I say YTA only bc you’re not going to stop doing it, and it was an empty threat."
"You spent 9 yrs being treated poorly, by your description, and never once during that period said 'I’m not going to continue this' and left."
"You can’t martyr yourself then get mad when you’re walked over." ~ Glum-Mulberry-9430
"You need to learn to calmly enforce and then stick to boundaries."
"You'd avoid hairdressing and the fights it always causes."
"But on that note, maybe also work on your general conflict resolution skills, to then model that for your daughter."
"This shouldn't be causing multiple huge fights, so I'm assuming you get yourselves into an argument feedback loop."
"Soft YTA because this would never have become an issue if you'd nipped this in the bud as the parent." ~ finnthepokeman
"Taking you off the books with a broken thumb seems like putting your H&S first."
"Holding scissors without a working thumb will be hard, and the salon can’t risk further injury."
"Your rage seems to be because you believe everyone is taking advantage of you, so you react to everything as if they are. You should work on this."
"NTA for not doing her hair, though." ~ East_Bet_7187
"YTA (gently and with understanding) you're the adult here."
"Act like one. If your kid is bratty enough to demand anything, that's on you for not teaching them a healthy respect for boundaries."
"As well as the cost of hair maintenance."
"That's a lot of money, and she should understand that it's a luxury, not a right."
"I have the luxury of affording a haircut every three months."
"But if I don't have the money?"
"I reschedule for when I do."
"I understand you've had an awful experience."
"I used to be a dog groomer, but the experiences at some of the salons I worked at gave me so much anxiety I could no longer continue."
"Now, if my friends or family ask me to groom their dogs, I set boundaries with what I'm actually comfortable doing."
"You're 42; you owe it to your child to set her straight."
"Have the tough conversation about WHY you struggle with hairdressing, and if she wants to be upset, that's her prerogative."
"But act like an adult and treat her like one too." ~ Diligent_Clock6649
"Friend, you’re NTA, because you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, but also, maybe see a therapist because this anger you’re holding isn’t normal or healthy."
"Also, you raised her; if she’s particular and prone to negativity, based on what I’m reading here, I think I can see where it came from."
"Work on you and then work on her." ~ Megpyre
"OP. I would not say that you are TAH."
"I would say that there’s a lot of pent-up emotions that need to be worked through."
"I don’t know how you respond to your daughter when she asked for this incredibly expensive hair treatment I’ve never heard of before."
"How can a hair treatment cost over $1000?"
"Or even $200?"
"If it is not a joy for you, let your daughter know that you’re simply not able to do that."
"I hope that at some point you’re able to see your joy again, but it’s probably gonna take a lot of therapy and self-compassion."
"Unfortunate that you got injured on the job."
"My guess is that you get paid per client, and if you have an injury like that, you’re not able to do the work." ~ pink-outdoors
"How does your daughter force you to do anything?"
"Are you not the adult?"
"Or an adult? YTA."
"Plus, this is a wild reason to be so angry."
"You need therapy to try to get over such severe anger."
"Or something."
"It's negatively affecting your life."
"You deserve to work through this and put it behind you."
"It sounds unhealthy." ~ Specific_Ad2541
"YTA. You are way too angry about this."
"It's something nice you could do for your daughter so she doesn't have to spend a small fortune."
"Maybe she likes that her mother can do her hair?"
"And there you are going into a blind rage about it."
"I hope she does find someone else and never forgets you made her waste her money doing so because you couldn't be bothered." ~ immajustgooglethat
"Both of you are AH."
"OP, mother up, say the one-word sentence that everyone hates: 'no,' that you're not entering another conversation about it."
"Walk away; stick to your guns."
"She’s the a** for guilt-tripping you." ~ TeaBeginning5565
"ESH. By enabling your daughter's behavior for however long, you've created an entitled brat."
"Just stop doing her hair, period."
"If she throws tantrums about her, tell her to move out." ~ PetrockX
Reddit had a lot to say, OP.
You may want to sit your daughter down and explain what is truly bothering you.
Whether or not she understands is on her.
Good Luck.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.