Not everyone will be compatible in the dating world, and that's okay. Part of going on a first, and even second, date is figuring out if you see yourself staying with someone.
Any number of reasons could arise for a relationship to not work out, from simply having too different of interests to finding out that someone is lying, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Round-Worldliness192 was the last in her friend group to be single, and she was starting to feel "desperate" to find a partner.
But when her latest first date not only seemed to lie during the date but also gave her homework, the Original Poster (OP) just wasn't interested, even though she really did want to find a boyfriend.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for rejecting a guy because he assigned me homework for our second date while we were on our first?"
The OP's first date with a guy recently did not get off to a great start.
"I went on a date with a guy who was otherwise OK, but there were already a few red flags."
"For starters, he suggested a sports bar for the date; we found out there was over an hour and a half wait, and instead of suggesting somewhere else (I also suggested we go somewhere else), he had me stand around with him waiting for a table."
The guy may not have been very honest with her, either.
"There were also some inconsistencies in things he told me about his background that made me question his honesty."
"It was silly. He said on his Hinge profile that he’s from Ontario (I thought Ontario, Canada, or Ontario, CA) and that he went to Berkeley for college and works in tech."
"Turns out he’s from Ontario, NY, went to Berkeley College, and works in HVAC tech."
"And there were some other small things, like him volunteering info about his parents being doctors but then three hours later saying his parents never went to college and own a takeout place."
But then the OP was really turned off by the thought of receiving a homework assignment.
"But the final straw was when he started planning our second date."
"He wanted to take me to a Stranger Things-themed escape room, which is fine in itself, except he jokingly said he’s going to assign me homework beforehand: he wanted me to subscribe to Netflix and watch the first season of 'Stranger Things' before next week so I’d understand the theme before we went."
"He also wanted to take me to this “upscale” restaurant before the escape room that is one step above Chipotle, which I’m not exactly excited about either. He said it’s super cool where they make the guacamole in front of you (sigh), but the guacamole is literally $12."
"And, no, he did not ask if I liked any of those things. I’m a huge fan of documentaries, nonfiction, history (museums), etc. I also don’t subscribe to Netflix usually, but recently did to watch 'The Crown' and this Abe Lincoln documentary. I also like Mexican food, but he didn’t know that. He didn’t ask me questions."
The OP felt conflicted about why she didn't want a second date.
"I realized I was already dreading the second date and didn’t actually want to do any of this. So I told him I wasn’t interested."
"Now I’m wondering… Am I overreacting for rejecting a guy partly because I didn’t want to be assigned homework to prepare for our second date? Or is this just another case of realizing you’re simply not compatible with someone?"
"I'm 31, and most of my friends are married, so I’m desperate, but I feel like most dates make me feel brain dead."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that this was a pretty straightforward case of being incompatible with someone.
"Just ain't compatible, Holmes, it happens. NOR." - TheBakedCheddar
"NOR. Sometimes you just know you’re not compatible, and that's okay." - purpearlskook
"He doesn't sound like a bad guy. I think the 'homework' thing was just him trying to connect with you on something, but rather than finding something you like, he was trying to push something he likes onto you."
"Given that he's 38 and doing that, I'm assuming he's never been married, and if he has, then it didn't last long. Sounds like he needs to mature a bit and learn how to be more selfless." - psmak-4
"Who waits à hour and a half for a table at à sports bar? That’s ridiculous. I would’ve left right there." - Creative_Tone_9241
"You listed multiple things you didn't like and aren't even interested in seeing him again. That's all that matters."
"Please take the time to address this desperation; it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to want the second date because you don't want to be single anymore. That's not good."
"Just because he's not a bad guy doesn't mean you have to want to see him again. You didn't even describe him as amazing, just 'otherwise okay,' and then listed multiple things you didn't like."
"You shouldn't need strangers online to validate your decision to not see this guy again. Address that issue before getting into dating." - bloodmusthaveblood
Others were much more concerned about the "few red flags" and "inconsistencies" that the OP mentioned.
"'There were also some inconsistencies in things he told me about his background that made me question his honesty.' This seems like the most concerning part? Totally justified to walk away now." - Worried_Road4161
"The examples you gave, OP, are not 'inconsistencies.' These are bold-faced lies."
"Please take a step back and stop panicking just because other people you know are getting married. When someone lies to you like this, they are not date material." - Gold-Sherbert-7550
"The lying is way more red flag territory than him making a dumb awkward joke about a subpar TV show and having s**t taste in guac!" - Cheap-Tig
"My sister in Christ, that is a parade of red flags; he deliberately misled you about his background, and just straight up lied about his parents. You’re severely under-reacting to the fact he lied to you on a first date." - CombatCrayon25
"This sounds like a guy I went on a date with in college. He was nice and not pushy, but he was a pathological liar."
"He didn’t talk about the same things more than once, but when he did, they weren’t quite the same, and they were also 'very impressive,' like, a bit unbelievably so for a college student in his late 30s (probably, assuming he lied about his age)." - agentpurpletie
"Girl, he’s a liar. The kind that lies just to lie. Block him. NOR." - gin_and_soda
Some also advised the OP to stop dating while "desperate" and to work on her mindset before going on a date, which would likely improve her prospects.
"OP, NOR, but don’t date while desperate." - text_based_account
"NOR. But girl, focus on addressing your desperation before settling for less than you're worth." - SomeClalMeMahm
"NOR. Focus on you. No one can heal, solve, or make you whole. That's on you, and life ain't a race." - Organic-Tourist2202
"'Most of my friends are married, so I’m desperate' is a terrible mindset to be dating from. This sort of imaginary self-imposed pressure is how you end up giving controlling d-bags the time of day."
"OP, this guy was testing you, checking how much you would put up with (long wait for a sub/standard place), whether you are obedient (giving you homework), etc."
"He was testing boundaries, and you did the right thing, walking away."
"But please do not date out of desperation. It gives men far too much power and will cloud your judgment. Marriage is not the only way to exist, and it is not a guarantee of fulfillment." - LeopoldineBel
"NOR. He could have suggested watching the show together or something instead. And if you feel he isn’t honest about his life right off the bat, then trust your instincts."
"You’re also 31. That’s young. Quit being desperate to fit in dumb social 'norms.' Your friends have their own lives, and so do you." - Madokakoti
"Do not let 31 make you feel desperate. Choose with strength and purpose. No one tells you that it will ruin your life to settle, but it will."
"Regardless: if you don’t want a partner giving you homework, then no, this is not your dude. I would take that homework, but that’s me."
"If you’re standing on ceremony to be flirty (and no judgments, that is a thing), then perhaps you have a date to watch two episodes of it together and take it from there." - UrsulaMarigold
The subReddit sympathized with the OP second-guessing herself, especially during a season when she felt like she needed to meet the right guy and start settling down, at least into a steady relationship.
But the OP dismissed this guy as just "okay" and clearly didn't enjoy his interests, not to mention the potential lies in the stories he told on the first date.
Finding a partner might be important, but a person can't suddenly drop their standards just because they're starting to feel a little older.
