As much as we might like to imagine all relationships working out, not all partners are created equal.
Unfortunately, some prove to be unsupportive and absent in their relationships, and at some point, their partner will likely decide enough is enough and move on, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor sweetiebeenie had been with her husband for eight years and had put up with years of feeling like she was put in second place compared to his mother and his friends.
But when she was pregnant and he wasn’t even there for her during a medical emergency, the Original Poster (OP) realized this wasn’t the right life for her future baby.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for leaving my husband after years of putting his friends and family above me, and finding out he might not even want our baby?”
The OP thought that she had the perfect partner, at first.
“I (31 Female) married Evan (34 Male) five years ago. We’ve been together for about eight years.”
“For the first couple of years, I honestly thought I’d hit the jackpot. He was attentive, thoughtful, and supportive, or so I thought.”
“But as time went on, he slowly became more and more absent, putting his friends and family before me in every way possible.”
The OP always felt like Evan put his friends and mother before him.
“Evan has this group of friends he’s known since high school. They hang out constantly, and he’s made it clear that they come first, even when it interferes with our life together.”
“We’d have plans, and he’d cancel last minute because they ‘needed’ him for some ‘urgent’ video game session or to ‘help out.'”
“I didn’t think much of it at first, but it got to the point where I realized I was always taking a back seat.”
“Then there’s his mom, who’s… difficult, to put it lightly. She’s never liked me, and Evan has never defended me or put up any boundaries. When she told me I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for her son at our engagement party, he laughed it off.”
“At our wedding, she ‘accidentally’ got into a fight with me over a small detail about our ceremony and has constantly undermined me since then.”
But then she realized that Evan would likely put their baby last, too.
“I’m currently six months pregnant with our first child. Recently, Evan sat me down to tell me he’s ‘not sure he’s ready for the responsibility of a baby.'”
“When I told him it was a little late for second thoughts, he got defensive, saying he wasn’t convinced ‘this was the right time’ and that I was ‘putting too much pressure’ on him.”
“He mentioned he’d ‘talked it over’ with his friends, and they all agreed he was ‘just being honest.’ That’s when I realized that in his mind, their opinion mattered more than his family more than us.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“I had a small health scare, and he didn’t even show up because he was ‘busy’ with his friends.”
“That night, I realized I couldn’t rely on him, and I didn’t want my child growing up in an environment where their father wasn’t present and prioritized everyone else over them.”
“So, I packed my bags and left. I’m staying with a friend for now, and I’ve made arrangements to file for divorce. I’m ready to build a life on my own for me and my baby, even if it hurts like h**l.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had to do what would make her happy.
“If it makes you happy, NTA.”
“My cousin was like your husband. If his friends needed anything, he would ditch his significant other in a heartbeat. He had a great girlfriend that we all loved, but his friends told him to dump her since she called them out on their bulls**t.”
“She dumped him because per her, she wanted an adult, not a child.”
“What happened was all his friends got married and the group broke up because the biggest jerk of the group stood up for their girlfriend. Now my cousin realized how toxic this friend group was.”
“The ex met someone else and has been married for over eight years. To this day, he regrets listening to his old friends. It’s been over 12 years.” – catlolafat
“Like, what did he think your response would be? Sorry, you’re realizing that this marriage and pregnancy are too much!?!”
“Oh yes, sorry, how silly of me, shall I throw this baby out with the bath water?? Let me just throw myself down the stairs, shall I?”
“I’ll let the baby inside of me know you’re not ready and ask it to stagnate for the foreseeable future until you’re ready to grow a set and take responsibility for the actions you’ve taken to get to this point??”
“He’s a loser who can learn that he still has to pay child support even if he isn’t ready to be a good father and partner.” – Radiant_Western_5589
“Seriously, she’s already pregnant. He’s beyond any form of redemption that instead of talking about his concerns about parenthood with his wife, he goes to his mates. Then he sits her down to have the ‘I’m not ready’ talk as if she’ll magically give birth to puppies instead.”
“He deserves a foot-long s**t sandwich with all the s**t toppings.” – tictactoss
“NTA. At 34, he prioritizes friends and is a Mama’s boy? Ridiculous. Get a really good lawyer and stop all communication with him except through the lawyer.”
“Stay healthy for you and YOUR baby. You deserve more, and your child deserves more than an overgrown frat boy. Good luck.” – Necessary_Internet75
“You’re putting too much pressure on him? How? By existing while pregnant? He’s a m*ron and an a**hole.”
“If you are in the US, right now while you are pregnant, he can not control anything, including your location. Once the baby comes, you could be location-locked. So go where you wanna be (where your support system/family is if you have that) before you give birth.” – Alert-Potato
“To the other women reading this who have a partner who puts others before you like AH Evan: let this story be a warning to leave now, before you get pregnant or marry them. Do not ignore the warning signs! This man shows so many red flags.”
“Find a better man who is invested in you as a teammate. Or this will be your story: a single parent dealing with an AH for a husband.”
“NTA. OP did the right thing to cut her losses. She deserves so much better, and I hope that happens after she’s had a chance to heal, have her baby, etc.” – Miaawaifu
Others agreed and urged the OP to get custody and child support.
“NTA. Good luck. Not overreacting. Get him for all his child support.” – Shichimi88
“Good luck! If he thinks you’re overreacting, just remind him that child support isn’t a suggestion it’s more like a mandatory subscription service he signed up for.” – bombsquad_go20
“He probably won’t and his friends will be cheering him on since it means he can drop everything to game with them instead of taking care of a baby. Probably why they told him he wasn’t ready, because it meant that their gaming buddy would suddenly have more important responsibilities.” – scarletnightingale
“Evan is a man-child. Make sure you get full custody. Don’t look back. Look ahead to providing an amazing life for yourself and your baby girl.”
“Evan, his mom, and his friends are toxic. Minimize their contact with her.”
“Surround yourself and your baby with those who will support, care for, and give LOTS and LOTS OF LOVE.”
“Best to you. Take care. NTA.” – bino0526
“You deserve a partner, not a man-child who still prioritizes his friends over his family. Good for you for putting yourself and your baby first! You did the right thing.”
“You deserve someone who values you and your growing family, not someone who acts like a man-child and puts everyone else before you.”
“It’s tough, but putting yourself and your baby first is the best decision OP. NTA.” – xSparklySugar
“Please get child support for your child. The child deserves at least financial support from your ex.”
“I’m sorry that you have been put in this position and how hurtful it is. I wish there was something I could say or do to give you peace. You are doing the right thing! You and your child deserve so much better.”
“It is totally his loss and karma will take care of him. Let us know how you are doing occasionally. Prayers for you and baby!” – OkieLady1952
“What’s the bet he’s going to beg mummy and his friends to track OP down and try to convince, pressure, and guilt her into coming back, and when she doesn’t, they’ll all harass her.”
“Hopefully, OP gets full custody because both her ex and his mummy are going to raise the poor kid trying to convince it that the divorce is all her fault. Ugh. NTA.” – meiuimei_
“OP, if you are in the US, please think about where you want to live and settle, and move there now while pregnant. At this point, your ex has no say, but once the baby comes, he can protest you moving out of state.”
“Good luck and please don’t go back to him, ever! Good luck, and NTA.” – Jumpy_Succotash241
“I’m sorry, but if HE couldn’t even show up when YOU had a health scare, that’s all I need to know.”
“It sounds like you gave him every chance to step up and be a partner, but instead, he’s more invested in his video game squad and his mom’s drama. That’s not just ‘prioritizing others’; that’s ACTIVELY choosing not to be there for you in the most important moments.”
“It’s heartbreaking that he’s not ready to be a dad, but honestly, you’re doing the best thing for yourself and your baby. You deserve someone who will put you first, especially when you’re carrying the weight of a child. It’s not overreacting, it’s self-preservation. You’re building a future on your terms, and that’s something to be proud of, not guilty about.”
“Stay strong, you’ve got this! If anything, your baby is going to grow up in an environment where YOU are the strong, loving role model they deserve. That’s worth everything.” – _Impressive_Bee_
The subreddit was shocked at how little the OP’s partner seemed to have grown up over the years, and if he was unable to support her and prioritize her now that she was pregnant, it seemed he never would.
If the OP was going to pursue a better life for herself and her baby, now seemed to be the best time to do so.